Being Sebastian
by AlsinaOcean
Summary: Viola Hastings never thought that being her twin brother Sebastian would turn her world upside down. Essientially a Sebastian/Viola and Olivia story. Reviews welcome!
1. Prologue

Being Sebastian

A Sebastian(Viola) & Olivia Story

**Prologue :**

* * *

><p>I sat on what was supposed to be my brother's bed at Illyria contemplating what to do next. I had a huge history paper due the next day and the farthest I had gotten was typing Sebastian Hastings in the left hand corner. "I'll just get Eunice to help me out on it, she would be happy to do it", I thought to myself. Therefore, doing the history paper quickly became my opportunity cost and the real action came next. I shot up from my bed and grabbed the soccer ball and cleats I knew I could never turn down.<p>

As I walked out the door I was greeted by numerous guys who were acting out foolishly in the hallways as usual.

"Hey Sebastian."

"Wassup man."

Naturally I courteously nodded or spit out the signature Sebastian response of "wassup my brotha". Before continuing my journey down to the soccer stadium.

It had been two weeks since I...Viola Hastings had started at Illyria pretending to be my brother. The "new" Sebastian had really become Mr. Popular all thanks to Paul, Kia, and Yvonne. But I wasn't at Illyria for the popularity…I was only there for one thing…soccer.

In two days Coach Dinklage was finally giving me or really Sebastian the chance to prove that he was capable of playing first string. But first string I knew came with numerous complications. For one Coach had pretty much worked the team so hard that each practice I thought my limbs were going to fall off. Not to mention all first string players were in tip top shape the perfect examples being "Sebastian's boys" as they now were called which consisted of Drew, Toby, and Duke. Luckily, my crush on Duke, my unsuspecting roommate, had been short-lived and he was able to accurately train me to get ready for Tuesday's scrimmage without any distractions. But the biggest complication of all was keeping up with _being Sebastian Hastings_.

I…Viola Hastings…was of course a female, and acting like a guy on and off for two weeks was completely draining. For one thing my vocal cords had taken a serious beating from the constant deepening and octave change, but it had ended up being a plus I guess because now I just sounded sick, which really just naturally caused my voice to sound raspy, so I didn't have to try that hard to change it. But the bad thing about this was now all the girls thought Sebastian's voice was "so sexy and mysterious", which was just not a positive thing for me...since I wasn't interested in girls at all. Another setback about being Sebastian was that I never really felt like myself. Obviously this would be the case because I wasn't at Illyria to be myself…I was there to be Sebastian. But I still felt it was difficult to grip this concept because when I was hanging with the guys I had to keep the persona of the player that could land any girl and with the girls I had to be the sensitive one who actually cared about their feelings. Which I honestly did, but not for the reasons they wanted me too.

These past two weeks I had realized how difficult it must be for someone to live as someone they know in they're heart they are not. Even if I was here just to show everyone one at Cornwall that girls were just as good as boys this whole experience had become much more than that. Being Sebastian made me realize how hard it must have been for Paul to live 19 years of his life as someone he wasn't. It made me realize how difficult some have it when they can't express who they really are because others hold them back.

But even though I as Sebastian had made numerous friends the only person who I could be myself around and actually talk to without misspeaking was Olivia.

My anatomy lab partner was great and could actually hold a conversation without it involving hooking up or dating, which in retrospect made me entirely uncomfortable. If I wasn't on a mission then I could actually see myself being friends with Olivia outside of everything.

As I finally reached the long stretch of green the last thing I thought about was my blonde lab partner before soccer pushed her away.

Being Sebastian was definitely going to be harder than I initially thought in more ways then one.


	2. Chapter 1

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 1:

* * *

><p>"Sebastian man, wake up it's already 7:30."<p>

I slowly opened my eyes meeting the gaze of my roommate Duke Orsino lazily. After two weeks at Illyria Duke had easily become _Sebastian's _"best bro". The bigger and stronger boy looked out for me and was without doubt the reason why I was finally getting a chance to show my abilities. After this was all said and done I knew I had to personally thank Duke myself…as Viola.

"Long night huh?" Duke said while he strategically tied his uniform tie.

"You have no idea." I replied back, slowly rolling out of the bed in the process.

I definitely hadn't been lying about that one. After two hours of refining my soccer skills I had spoken to not only Paul on the phone but Sebastian and my mother. After those two horrendous conversations…well not really on my brother's part, I had met up with Eunice , and we had together written a well deserved A paper on the history of the stock market. After leaving Eunice around 11, I waited a good two hours until finally the guys on my floor headed to bed so I could take a nice long shower. I hadn't gotten back to the room until about 3:30 and at that I still had to finish an anatomy drawing of a frog heart I promised Olivia I would complete. So when I finally rolled into bed at 5…waking up at 7:30 was really not one of my first choices.

"Come on Sebastian you lazy ass, hurry up you know you can't be late for Wild's class or she will personally castrate you." Duke said laughing while pulling on his shoes.

"I would really like to see her try." I replied under my breath as I leisurely got dressed.

- - - - ZzZzZzZzZz - - - - -

I walked into my anatomy class in high spirits. I immediately ignored Malcolm making sure he didnt distract me from my own thoughts.

Since I hadn't spoken or even seen my attractive lab partner since Friday, it was easy enough to say I was excited. He was usually either surrounded by his group of guys or some form of the female species or another. And I had never been one to fight for any guy's attention. Then again Sebastian really wasn't just **any** guy.

Essentially, Sebastian Hastings was the perfect guy. The guy screenwriters produce to fulfill every girl's fairytale, the one who sweeps you off your feet without even trying or better yet even knowing, the guy you want to be standing at the end of that white walkway smiling at you as you walk toward him, the guy every girl dreams about but in reality never finds. Yeah…Sebastian Hastings really was that guy.

He was kind, sincere, genuine, hilarious, and not to mention extremely handsome. But not in the handsome kind of way I felt the goons he hung out with were. He was handsome in the way that you almost wanted to call him beautiful, the handsome not many guys could acquire.

However, Sebastian was not just amazing on paper. He was in fact the only guy I could talk to…like really talk to. He never seemed to be judging me and always smiled when I said something so un-Olivia Lennox like. "Oh God that smile" I thought. And those green eyes that seemed to be looking so far into my soul it felt like without even saying a word he understood me better than I did myself. Plus, Addison, my best friend, finally approved of him even though she had scolded him for telling me that I wasn't exactly his "type".

What was his type then? I thought silently. Numerous girls had tried desperately to get with Sebastian but he never seemed interested in them outside of being friends. Sometimes he even seemed to get bored when they would try to casually flirt or ask him if he was seeing anyone. If it were any other guy he would have already capitalized on those opportunities. That's probably why all the guys saw Sebastian as this sort of God. Some people even called him the son of Apollo which I found ridiculous but in truth _being Sebastian Hastings_ was something every guy at Illyria wanted.

Mrs. Anderson's voice interrupted my thoughts as she tried to quiet the rowdy senior class down. "Where is he…he's usually here before I am." I considered silently, while I stared at the door.

As if answering my question, a laughing Sebastian was pushed into the class by Toby then followed by Duke, Andrew, and Hudson, who was a halfback on the soccer team. Although Sebastian was laughing I noticed that he looked extremely tired and almost distant from his friends.

"Nice of you to join us boys…please hurry up and take your seats we have a lot to cover today." Mrs. Anderson said which caused the boys to quickly disperse and head to their designated lab benches.

I watched as Sebastian's feet barely left the ground as he slowly trudged to his seat across from me.

"Okay class, I'm giving you ten minutes to put together the first half of your frog dissection project with your partner, and remember don't forget to schedule a time to meet so you can work on the last half together." She then quickly glanced at the clock. "And your time begins now." Mrs. Anderson finished before sitting down.

I turned around in my seat my heart beating faster anticipating my interaction with Sebastian. His head was on the table and he seemed to be asleep.

"Sebastian?" I said slowly.

His head shot up and he smiled weakly at me. "I'm sorry…what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything but are you okay?" I asked as smoothly as possible.

I stared as Sebastian tilted his head slightly to his right as if contemplating what to say to me before dropping his eyes to my binder on the table.

"Yeah I'm fine…just kinda beat that's all." Sebastian said, honesty filling his voice.

"Well I hope you feel better…but if you want you can sleep and I can just put the project together." I replied, placing my elbows on the table and resting my head in my hands.

Sebastian smiled that smile of his that caused about 300 butterflies to flutter around inside my stomach, "I would never just leave you like that Olivia … even if this is only about a stupid frog which I think should really be with his little froggie family if you ask me." He declared as he reached into his messenger bag.

Had she heard right? Did he really just say he would never leave her? What did he mean by that since technically he wasn't going anywhere he would just be sleeping? I mentally slapped myself for reading too much into what he said which was exactly what Addison was told me **not** to do.

"O-livia are you there?"

I snapped out of my thoughts quickly. "Yeah sorry, I was just lost in my own head."

"It's really no problem… happens to me all the time." Sebastian replied smiling and pushing a piece of paper toward me slowly.

He looked down almost shyly as I picked up the illustration of the perfectly drawn frog diagram…the heart being the organ of emphasis.

"Wow Sebastian this is really good I didn't know you were such an artist." I said astounded. I really was blown away by his work and this wouldn't be the first time.

"It's really nothing you know…I felt like I needed to contribute to this partnership." He replied pushing his hair slightly away from the middle of his forehead.

"Well this is really great … songwriter, artist, soccer stud, and notorious lady killer… really Sebastian what can't you do?" I said, his smile faltering slightly before he turned his head away.

"There's a lot you don't know Olivia." Sebastian said almost as if he was unsure of his words. He faced me again and looked straight into my eyes.

I looked away not entirely sure what he meant by that. I desperately wanted ask and tell him that I wanted to know and honestly cared.

"Seriously Olivia pull yourself together…you're not the girl he wants to tell those things to so just get over it." I silently preached to herself. Damn who was I kidding? Getting over a guy like Sebastian would probably take a lot longer than a minute.

I then quickly cleared my throat and changed the subject. "So when do you want to meet to finish this?" I asked before adding, "It's not due until Thursday."

Sebastian took a second to think about my question. He was so cute when he focused I noticed.

"How about tomorrow after my soccer scrimmage?" Sebastian asked. "If you could maybe fit me into your hectic life." He then added with a toothy smile.

I laughed…was he kidding?

"You're one to talk Sebastian!" I exclaimed.

So maybe I did have a really busy life at the moment with all my classes, clubs, swim, community service, and not to mention Debutante. But with the way he was staring at me a smirk playing across his lips, I felt like he was talking about my love life. So what if I did have a reputation with the guys at Illyria for the one nobody could have unless you were a mature college man? So what if whenever I walked the halls with Addison, thirsty glances were cast my way? Did Sebastian really believe I wouldn't have time for _him_?

"Hey no! I always have time for a friend." Sebastian retorted back to me.

And just like that my thoughts were burned and I felt exactly like I did after he had first put me into the "friend zone" as Addison called it. I had never been put into this specific zone before and now I realized that the friend zone utterly sucked. Sebastian must have sensed something was wrong because he quickly asked if I was okay.

"Yeah I'm fine." I said not meeting his steady gaze. "And Tuesday sounds good I think I can pencil you in."

Sebastian laughed lightly at this, "Alright cool…how about at 8 in the student center then."

"Yeah that's good." I said turning around in my chair so he couldn't see the hurt look I knew was in my eyes. Sebastian was really good at reading people…a characteristic I found lacking in the males at Illyria.

"It's a date then." I heard Sebastian say to my back then chuckle lightly just as Mrs. Anderson called time.

Seriously, Sebastian was confusing the hell out of me, and I spent the rest of the class listening to him snore lightly and wondering how I was ever going to get over a guy like him.


	3. Chapter 2

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 2:

* * *

><p>Sitting in the Campbell Hall visitors' locker room as Coach Dinklage spoke about team unity only really made me want to do two things: run… and vomit. This scrimmage was either going to make or break me.<p>

And if it breaks me…then this whole extravaganza would have been for nothing. The lies, the schemes, the itchy wig I had to wear day in and day out would go down in shambles. I had to do what I came to Illyria for. I had to do what I did best.

"Hastings!" Coach Dinklage yelled, snapping me out of my personal pep talk.

"Yes Coach?" I heard myself squeak out.

He tossed me a jersey, just the number 4 written on it, no name...no identity. "Let's see what you've got boy…you're starting at right attacking forward."

My heart swelled as Duke patted me on that back. I quickly shook away my excitement and began to focus. Of course I couldn't do my usual pre-game ritual since neither Yvonne nor Kia was sitting there with me. But before I could think of a backup I was hoisted up into a circle that resembled what basketball teams do before taking the court. We swayed side to side slowly as Duke sank down in the middle of us.

"Boys, this isn't just a practice game…this is a fight. This is our first chance to show how we are as a team. This is when we set the pace for the rest of the season.' Duke continued, 'This is when we build on the foundation we've been working with for the last two weeks!" He then stopped to look at each of us, I felt pride course through my veins as he stopped on me and nodded. "In games like these some believe the outcome doesn't matter…but they are wrong. It does matter because it will show heart, determination, and the will to win. And boys…this is when we truly become a family." Duke said finishing his speech.

"Alright men…bring it in." Duke said as we began to crowd around him.

We said the traditional Illyria prayer and as we walked through the tunnel to the field I felt the nervousness fall away. This was it…this was my chance to show that I have what it takes to play with the big boys.

- - - ZZzZzZzZz - - - -

As I sat on the bench with two minutes left in the game I was feeling good. Actually good was an understatement…I felt damn freaking terrific. I played one of my best games in the history of my life. I had scored two goals and had placed one perfectly kicked cross onto Duke's head for an assist. The referee blew the final whistle signaling the end of our thrashing of the Campbell Hall Knights 6-1.

The boys all patted me on the back when we entered the locker room but Coach Dinklage didn't even acknowledge me before he told us to shower before we went back on the bus.

So I did as was told. Luckily this locker room was for women so we each had our private stall and I chose the handicap one with two doors.

Refreshed and feeling good we loaded back onto the bus to head back to Illyria. I was feeling nervous and I kept second guessing whether or not I had exuded what Coach had said it takes to play first string. The boys all reassured me that he was just trying to make me sweat. And he sure was … I felt like I was melting…in my head I was playing all the scenarios that could possibly happen. All of which ended with me not getting the spot.

Two hours later we were back on campus and the boys all filled out of the bus. I suddenly felt like I was going to faint. I hadn't even noticed that Coach was calling me until Toby pushed me toward him and I stumbled to a stop in front of him.

"Follow me Hastings." He said swiftly and turned around retreating to his office.

I quickly regained my footing and followed not knowing what I was going to do when he told me I wasn't good enough. My self-confidence was definitely at a low.

"Well, Hastings…you made first string." Coach said handing me a red jersey plastered with the number 13 and Hastings scribbled above it.

Wait? Had I heard right? First fucking string?

"Oh my god. Really?" I said hugging him tightly.

"Yes really…now get off me boy you're dismissed." He said prying me hands away.

"Thanks Coach!" I said running out of his office.

It was going on 8 o' clock and I really had to tell someone. I knew just the girl too.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

Walking to the student center I had butterflies. Pretty much anytime I thought about his green eyes I got these feelings. But I wasn't going to think about those feelings … I was going to get over this stupid high school crush on the guy who obviously was not interested and move on.

Just as I reached for the door I felt arms wrap around my waist and lift me into the air. I squirmed at first trying to release myself from their grasp but then I heard his voice…

"Guess who made first string." Sebastian said into my ear. I didn't need to see his face to know he was smiling. He let me down slowly then turned me around.

He looked absolutely gorgeous. With the moon behind him and that smile playing on his lips that made my knees weak.

"Sorry about sneaking up on you like that…I just had to tell someone and when I racked my brain for someone to tell I thought about you…So luckily we were already meeting but I most likely would have found you one way or another." He finished smiling.

God, my heart just melted. This boy who was so different than any other one I had ever met had managed to push me away and pull me back in with just a few words in only a matter of two days.

"Congratulations, I know how much this meant to you." I said hugging him.

"Yeah, so our first game is on Saturday against Glenwood then we have two games until Cornwall and then after that…" he trailed off and looked away from me, his smile faltered slightly and if I didn't know him the way I did I wouldn't have even noticed.

"Then after that…" I asked.

"Then after that I don't know." He had his smile back on and I forgot what I was even thinking. I had honestly never seen him this happy except when he dint have to cut our frog's stomach open.

He was smiling uncontrollably and it seemed to be directed at me. I now understand how people can be fall in love at first sight. Because honestly that smile and those eyes were really going to be the end of me. And at the moment when he took my hand and led me into the student center I knew that that boy had my heart and I didn't want him to let go.

- - - zZzZzZz - - - -

After two hours Sebastian and I hadn't even talked about a frog. Why? Because we just sat talking about us. Well mostly I talked and he listened or asked me questions.

He asked me about my family, friends, goals, dreams, and relationships. I had never felt the genuine comfort around any other guy like I did around him. I told him about every relationship I had had since 8th grade, even my most recent one with Jason, a guy from the university 20 minutes away, who I hadn't even spoken about since our break up. He listened attentively and I told him everything I felt I could. I started to get tired of hearing my own voice so I was about to ask him some questions, but my phone buzzed.

Of course the gods would do this to me. It was a text from Danielle and while Sebastian was gathering our untouched papers I quickly scrolled through the message.

"Why aren't you in Asher Hall?…the whole soccer team is throwing a party for Sebastian." she had said.

I quickly texted back, "I'm with him right now…I'll be there and so will he."

My phone buzzed seconds later, "Kk hurry. And shh he's not supposed to know since it's a surprise obviously."

"LOL alright we'll be there soon."

- - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

Once I finished putting our unfinished project back into its proper packet Olivia suddenly stood up.

"Uhh so… I guess we're done then?" I asked.

"Um yes, I just remembered I left my government book in Asher Hall & I have an exam tomorrow so I should probably go get it." Olivia replied.

Was this girl crazy? That place was all the way across campus and it was late. I felt that the gentlemanly thing to do would be accompany her. So... _being Sebastian_ and all... of course I was going to go with her…I would have done it even if I wasn't in this crafty disguise.

"Oh well its pretty late and a girl like you walking about screams crazy psycho criminal minds to me so I'll come with you, then see to it you make it safely back to your room." I said standing up.

She smiled and gathered her things and I followed her out into the cool night air.

We walked across campus in a comfortable silence. I felt like I was with Paul, Kia, or Yvonne…you know that comfort you feel when youre with a real friend.

Nobody was really out except for a few lone kids who were on their way back from the library. It was chilly outside and I could see Olivia shivering next to me as she feriously tapped away on her phone. She was only wearing her short-sleeved uniform polo whereas I was wearing a zip up sweatshirt and a long sleeve Illyria soccer shirt.

I wasn't exactly sure how to go about giving her my sweatshirt. It felt awkward for me since I had never done so before, sure many guys had given me a sweatshirt or jacket but I had never been the giver. I decided to just not say anything. So I slipped off the sweatshirt and placed it around her shoulder silently.

"Thank you." She said smiling and slipping it on fully. "I'm freezing." It was big on her petite frame but it looked good nonetheless.

"No need to thank me…just being a gentleman." I replied, and placed me hands in my pockets

She laughed quietly, "Oh gosh how could I forget…Sebastian Hastings… of course always such the gentleman."

I smiled down at her and she turned her head away trying to hide the blush I had already noticed. Hmm…I really need to work on that…no smiling.

I hadn't even realized we had reached Asher Hall & Olivia was already opening the door.

"Wow time really does fly..." I began.

"SURPRISE!"

I was taken aback by the mass of people all clapping and hollering as I made my way inside.

I looked down at a smiling Olivia, "So are you surprised?" She asked.

"You were in on this? You're in for it surely." I said back as she took my hand and lead me into the crowd.

"Congrats Sebastian."

"Way to go man."

I heard as I walked to the center of the room where the soccer team was situated.

"Our boy Sebastian everybody. Let's hear it !" Duke yelled and everyone clapped again.

I looked up and saw a banner plastered on the wall "Sebastian Hastings…you're the man!" It said and I saw the smaller writing under it saying first string and a soccer ball bouncing along side it. I wondered how they got this together so quickly and how they even found out that I made first string in the first place. But I didn't care…because for the first time at Ilyria I felt like I belonged.

So I did the only thing I could think of doing. Still holding the hand I hadn't let go off since she lead me here, I held up my jersey finally understanding that this was what being Sebastian was all about.


	4. Chapter 3

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 3:

* * *

><p>This week went by quickly and before I knew it I was sitting on the bleachers in Illyria Stadium surrounded by a clad of red shirts. It was the first game of the season and the whole student body was in attendance.<p>

We were playing the Glenwood Vikings which was a school just fifteen minutes away. The stadium was packed on both sides, since it seemed the opposing team had brought their purple and yellow army that slightly rivaled our own. Since I had never been to an Illyria soccer game in the three years I've been attending this school, the sound, the sweating bodies, and the adrenaline that coursed through me was completely foreign. But I decided to stick it out since a certain someone asked me to attend and of course I was going to keep my word.

"Oh look at that…they are looking extra scrumptious!" Addison said next to me just as the red sea around me erupted, obviously signaling that the home team had taken the field.

I had to stand on my toes to see our team slowly walk out, resembling a S.W.A.T. team. The confidence that seemed to creep out of each pore of the fifteen man team was slightly intimidating. Duke led them with Sebastian right behind him.

"Oh Dani look at Matt Shipman…I haven't seen him since freshman year but oh am I seeing him now." Addison continued, pointing at a Glenwood player.

I tuned out Addison and Danielle and just stared at the jersey with the number 13 on its back. Sebastian looked so focused and like all the other female eyes, mine were zeroed in on him. His back was to the stands and as the red sea began to chant he turned around.

He looked up, his gaze meeting mine, stopping my rapidly beating heart. He smiled, then just as quickly as it happened he turned around as the referee signaled the game to begin.

"Oh my god! Did you see that Sharon? Sebastian Hastings totally just smiled at me!" The girl below me exclaimed to her friend.

I rolled my eyes. "Gosh freshmen these days," I thought silently to myself. That smile I knew was met for me…and it was mine to keep.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

Sebastian was really good at soccer. And when I say good I actually mean fantastic. The way he moved on the field was so graceful…he seemed to be almost floating while he weaved through the opposing team up. He wasn't overly aggressive but aggressive enough to not get knocked to the ground every second.

Asd I watched the game I noticed that it seemed like the defender opposite Sebastian had it out for him. It was most likely because the Glenwood cheerleaders hollered and spoke to Sebastian whenever he was near them, and the way he smiled back I could tell they weren't telling him he sucked. The boy had already gotten a yellow card, which I assumed to not be something you wish to earn, when he tackled Sebastian from behind within the goal box. Andrew scored the penalty kick only after our own team ruffed up the Glenwood player a little bit. Although, he took a small beating Sebastian played great.

He scored on a breakaway and assisted one other goal. The red sea went ballistic whenever he got the ball, and by the end of the game the sea crashed down onto the field finalizing our 4-1 win. I was swept up by the mass of red shirts and when I found myself on the field I finally realized why the Glenwood player had been pissed.

A gorgeous brunette Glenwood cheerleader was obviously flirting with Sebastian. He didn't seem the least bit interested, and when he spotted me he pushed away from the girl and came my way. I could see the Glenwood terrorizer behind Sebastian pull the brunette girl away as she stared longingly at Sebastian's retreating back.

"Hey." He said when he approached me.

I hugged him tightly his sweaty body pressing into my small one. "Hey yourself." I replied back.

"Sorry I'm kinda sweaty…I sorta just played a game," he piped, smiling down at me.

"Yeah I saw,' I said smiling back. ' You played really well … And I don't think I'm the only one who noticed." I finished, looking behind him at a giggling group of girls.

He followed my gaze and waved at the girls, who quickly turned around embarrassed. "They remind me of my sister!"

"You have a sister?" I asked confused. He had never mentioned a sister before.

Before he could reply, Toby and Andrew swept him away.

"See you tonight!" He called as I lost him within the crowd.

Tonight? What was going on tonight? Before I could even think of a legitimate answer to my own question Addison and Danielle were in front of me.

"So one of the Glenwood players is having a party…he invited everyone obviously…so cut of all your plans because we are livin it up tonight Liv!" Addison said as Dani laughed next to me.

Oh god what had I gotten myself into!


	5. Chapter 4

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 4:

* * *

><p>Before tonight I guess you could say I had definitely forgotten about the party life. Entering Mike Veto's house, who was a Glenwood player who used to go to Illyria, was like entering a past life of mine. The smell of sweat, alcohol, and other substances engulfed me and I was quickly led into the overflowing kitchen where it seemed like every type of alcoholic drink was present … including a large keg.<p>

But when I usually decided to drink I did it around those I trusted. Paul, Kia, Yvonne, or one of my other friends, hell even Justin was usually present if I decided to indulge in underage drinking. But hey…this was a celebration and I knew that my team had my back...or Sebastian's back... or whatever.

So as I sipped my second fruity drink Kendall, an Illyria cheerleader, had made me I decided to people watch.

Now let me tell you…there are many types of drunks. Just to name a few…you have:

The crazy drunk.

The emotional drunk.

The I just want to break everything drunk.

The let me just keep drinking until I pass out drunk.

The slutty drunk.

The sloppy drunk.

And my personal favorite... the drunk that doesn't want to admit they're drunk.

But personally I saw myself nowhere near these categories. My drunk was usually calmer than my normal self but still all about having fun... but then when I started getting tired I usually found Justin and we would just hang out, hook up, talk, or whatever...the usual couple thing. But with me _being drunk Sebastian_ I found this was completely different than before.

Since first of all, Sebastian didn't have a girlfriend, therefore there would be no one for me to escape with after my crash started to settle in...and the hook-up part that came packaged with the girlfriend …I didn't even want to think about.

But as I was pulled into a game of quarters and started losing, I wondered if maybe drunk Sebastian would even care.

- - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

I wasn't exactly a hard partier. If you asked anyone if Olivia Lennox and party animal belonged in the same sentence they would probably slap you. To say the least when I went to parties I never really drank. But god was this party different.

Addison and I had taken 3 shots of whatever alcoholic beverage Addison managed to find. And in my book that was just 2 shots too many. I was feeling completely unlike myself. At this point I wasn't even sure when we had arrived at the party but when I found my feet on the designated dance floor I felt really light and almost like I could move forever. And that's what I did...I danced with a boy from Glenwood or at least that's where I thought he was from until suddenly _**that**_ cool sexy voice filled my ears.

"You're quite the dan-cer." he said slowly.

God did Sebastian look HOT.

I hadn't seen him since he was in his soccer uniform and he had changed into some nicely fitting light wash jeans and a green Dartmouth crew neck sweater that I noticed brought out the darker shades in his eyes… even if they were slightly bloodshot.

I must admit I had never seen Sebastian drunk before but in my eyes he really wasn't acting any different...he was as friendly as ever and pretty much talked to everyone who approached him.

Being a little tipsy myself I really couldn't hold back the retort that popped into my mind after his statement. "Maybe if you're lucky enough you might just see how skilled I really am."

Sebastian seemed slightly surprised at my answer but none the less smiled.

Sebastian pulled me away from the grasp of the Glenwood boy and bent down next to my ear... his hot breath sending electric currents through my body that made me feel almost weightless.

"You know Olivia sometimes I th-" he began

"Sebastian!" someone yelled loudly.

Sebastian and I both looked up to see Andrew frantically waving him over holding a ping pong ball in his hand.

"Come on man we're up!"

I watched as Sebastian quickly nodded his head then...began to retreat toward a waiting Andrew...I barely caught his "Save me that dance." as he turned away from me and walked toward the garage.

- - - - ZzZzZzZZz - - - -

There is one thing I knew for a fact… and that was that Andrew, although skilled on the soccer field, completely and utterly sucked at beer pong!

Really it wasn't like I was a pro or anything, but I had learned a thing or two from Justin and at least had managed to make 3 shots whereas Andrew made...none. But Duke and Quincy completely annihilated us and after… I seriously felt like I was going to fall on the spot. Especially, since beer was not my choice drink.

So as I made my way out of the garage I tried desperately to maybe focus on one thing in particular ...but I couldn't. Everything seemed completely lopsided and I found myself wondering why I had left the garage where all my friends were in the first place.

As I found an empty space of wall to rest on I tried to pick up my mind.

Pick up my mind? What did that even mean?

Shit...I was wasted...Sebastian...Viola…whoever I was ... was completely wasted.

Just as quickly as I realized this Chloe Kentner stepped in front of me and purred something I couldn't quite make out.

"What?" I said, my voice sounding horse.

"I was saying..." But just before Chloe could get it out, a cool hand grabbed my own and I heard Olivia's voice in my ear.

"How about that dance huh?" She said already beginning to lead me away from a pouting Chloe.

"He-y uhh… sorry I already have a previous engagement." I managed to stumble out, as I followed my blonde beauty.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

I was surprised with the Olivia I was becoming tonight. First I had danced like Janet Jackson, then I had spoken pretty much what was on my mind, and last but not least I had taken exactly what I wanted no questions asked.

But where was I going now? I wasn't completely sure where I had seen Danielle lead Parker Fisher, to what she called the "real party" but I would search for it none the less.

I stole a glance backwards and saw a completely dazed Sebastian. Obviously he had lost at the beer pong game because he seemed a lot drunker than before. I knew two drunken people walking to god knows where, was really a bad idea but just then a door that looked like it was to the basement opened and music filled my ears.

Once I looked down and saw the sweaty mass of people and not to mention what looked like death stairs leading into that same mass of gyrating kids, I knew this plan needed to be aborted. But before I could turn around and tell Sebastian we needed to go back where we came, he spun me around and led me further down the hallway.

He was quickly opening door after door closing them after he realized they were already occupied by various couples. He finally opened a door to what looked like an empty study.

Sebastian stumbled in, he fell a couple of times and I really couldn't help but laugh. He was still so adorable.

Since there wasn't a couch , and the desk seemed like it was built during the renaissance period, I lead him to a counter that seemed to hold the man of the house's liquor stash.

Sebastian uncoordinatedly jumped up onto the counter and laid his head against a cabinet. I followed his lead and tried to focus. The moonlight was cascading through the large windows and I finally noticed that we stupidly hadn't turned on the light.

Suddenly Sebastian began to laugh and I couldn't control myself from following suit. My head was buzzing and I desperately needed something for my dry mouth. But just as I began to look for a cup Sebastian suddenly stopped laughing and spoke.

"Thanks for saving me...you're a real lifesaver." He said slowly, almost enunciating each word, then laughing after realizing how stupid he sounded. "Let's postpone that dance...because I think I might hurt you." He continued.

I felt his eyes on me but I couldn't bring herself to look at him. Even when Sebastian was completely gone he still managed to make me feel...that something I couldn't quite find a word for in this state of mind.

"You okay." he said lowly, standing up slowly and positioning himself in front of me so I couldn't help but look at him . "I'm pretty sure you and I both have never been as drunk as we are."

"Yeah." I replied chuckling lightly and staring back into those green eyes that had captured my heart. I was so close to him now that I could smell him. He smelled like Sebastian..._the_ Sebastian..._my_ Sebastian...just mixed with a little bit of alcohol.

I expected him to move away but he didn't. I was seated on the countertop perfectly aligned with his waist and I hadn't even noticed that he had placed his hands against the cabinet my head rested on. He somewhat encaged me but I think he only did this to keep his balance since he was slightly swaying. He looked at me with worried bloodshot eyes and I felt my face heat up with a furious blush. He really didn't understand the affect he had on me.

I stared back at him not even realizing I was moving closer. I don't know if I can blame this on the alcohol or my realization that this might be the only chance I would have to show Sebastian that I am his type. Before I could even process which it was, my lips were on his. I'm not sure who closed the final gap between us but I honestly didn't care.

Kissing Sebastian was like kissing Heaven.

At first it seemed like he hadn't really registered what was going on, but that quickly changed as he slowly pushed into me. His lips felt softer than my own and as I deepened the kiss he tasted like sour patch watermelons and beer.

I really hated beer but this beer I could get used too.

The kiss was slow at first neither of us taking full control...both equally setting the pace as my arms encircled his neck.

"OH MY GOD...IM KISSING SEBASTIAN! Me… Olivia Lennox ... kissing Sebastian Hastings" my mind raced as I was hit with the fact that this was really happening.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

"You need to stop this right now! You know this will only hurt her...because this is not what you want Viola. _Being Sebastian_ doesn't involve ruining the one relationship you treasure the most."

I felt like my brain was trying to trick me...so the only thing I could do was shut off my own thoughts completely and focus on the body that was intensely close to mine.

- - - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Soon I felt his hands move away from their place on either side of my head and felt one slide into my hair the other moved to my waist. He pulled me into him, while he in turn pressed back into me firmly. God he was a phenomenal kisser and I couldn't hold back the moan as his tongue collided with mine.

He was in total control of this kiss now and I could feel the bass from the stereo coursing through my body as my heart began to beat uncontrollably. He pressed even harder against me and I grabbed a good fist full of his sweatshirt with both my hands pulling his mouth even more into mine.

His lips, his tongue, his body, his hands that now roamed wherever they pleased were exactly the way I imagined them.

Perfect.

His mouth quickly detached from my lips and began their journey down to my neck. God his lips were so damn soft...and I knew that even if we both didn't remember this in the morning the hickey he was giving me would remind us.

"Se-bastian." I moaned lowly. When I said his name his lips entrapped mine again silencing me. He pushed his tongue against my lips and I openly allowed him to enter my mouth. I couldn't stop myself from pulling him forward more and I felt him stumble slightly and he gripped my thighs hard to stable himself.

I moaned again and bit his lip slowly as he broke away to take in air. His hands immediately went to my waist and pulled me closer to him, and thing only thing my legs could do was wrap around his waist.

"God was it getting hot it here?" I thought.

Our kisses felt so passionate yet urgent. My head was pounding but I never wanted this to end.

I felt his hands reach for my shirt when suddenly there was a thunderous crashing sound and the music abruptly stopped.

"COPS!" someone outside yelled.

We immediately broke apart and I hazily watched as his face went from surprised, to horrified, to almost ashamed.

Just then the door burst open. "COME ON COPS ARE HERE...WE GOTTA GO!" I heard a boy yell.

I couldn't quite comprehend what was going on but I knew I was being yanked off the counter... and once my feet hit the ground ... my legs felt like jello. I slipped, but Sebastian managed to catch me. He didn't say a word or even really look at me, he just grasped my hand and led us out into the hallway where kids were scrambling in all which directions.

"Liv! What are you doing come on!" I heard Addison's voice to my right and felt her hand grab my arm leading me in the opposite direction it seemed Hudson and Toby were leading Sebastian.

As our hands broke apart I looked at Sebastian before I lost him within the mass ... he looked like he was trying desperately to say he was sorry.

Once we all reached Danielle's car and sped away I felt like I had been karate kicked in the stomach. My lips were throbbing obviously swollen from what Sebastian and I had been doing not even 10 minutes before. Danielle hit a sharp turn and I felt my insides slosh around and immediately I knew what was coming.

"Pull over Dani…Hurry!" I screamed, surprised at the sound of my voice.

Danielle quickly pulled her white BMW over onto the sidewalk and I opened the door just in time to vomit up today's lunch, dinner, and party favors.

"Jesus Liv! Was he really that bad?" Addison asked as she handed me some Kleenex.

I silently apologized to whosever house that was that I had left my mark on before stammering a reply. "What are you talking about?" My throat burned furiously, but my stomach did feel a tad better.

"Oh gosh Liv seriously, I saw you come out of that room with your lover boy ... you both looking incredibly disheveled."

Before I could think of a reply to defend Sebastian, Addison continued. "Liv really don't fret about throwing up ... you kissed your prince tonight and proved to him you're exactly the kind of woman he is looking for so cheer up !"

"Yeah cheer up Livie...plus you didn't ruin my leather interior which is a plus!" Danielle added.

But even as my friends continued to congratulate and reassure me, the truth was I wasn't so sure if my time with Sebastian had brought us closer or farther apart.


	6. Chapter 5

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 5:

* * *

><p>I awoke with a start, my head immediately beginning to pound due to my unannounced movement.<p>

"Wow I am never doing that again." I thought rubbing my eyes.

I stood up slowly and went to grab the water bottle on the ground. Last night was a little hazy and I tried to remember something about it, but the pounding in my head would just not permit hard thinking.

Just as I was finishing off the water the door burst open.

"There he is!" Duke said strinding over to me and slapping my back hard. "How did you do it man ... seriously everyone is dying to know?"

"What are you talking about?" Sometimes my roomate made no sense.

"What do you mean what am I talking about?" Duke said sitting down and spinning in his desk chair.

I sat back on my bed and rubbed my temples not bothering to answer.

"Well since you were pretty fucked, I can understand this minor slip up but really how could you forget about **her** man?" Duke said almost surprised.

"Forget about who?" I mumbled back...but just as the words escaped my mouth I didnt need to hear Duke's answer as the memories came flooding back to me.

Our hands all over each other in the dark room, my lips on hers, kissing her like it was the last thing I was going to do. Guilt then washed over me and I was suddenly feeling sick.

"Looks like you remember now big boy ! You are my idol man...I can't believe you hooked up with Olivia! "

I couldn't even respond. _Viola, Viola, Viola, what have you done?_ I remembered fighting myself and in the end my normal self lost. I remembered realizing what I had done just before someone opened the door to the room we had been in.

How was I supposed to face her when after I kissed her when I knew the look on my face screamed that I regretted my actions? "Oh my god Viola you kissed her of all people!" My mind was racing, contrasting sharply to my already throbbing head.

But as the memories came flooding back to me...I knew there was no going back.

- - - - zZzZzZzZz - - - -

I sat staring at my sandwich, not even listening to Addison and Danielle as they recalled our getaway the night before.

I wasn't hungry...my lips were still a little swollen, and my body tingled everywhere _he_ had touched me. The bruise on my neck ,that I strategically covered with my hair, was the sure sign I needed that let me know that what happened between Sebastian and I was true. Although I really didn't need any reassurance because it seemed like everybody was talking about the party...the cops, the house, and the hook-ups...and it seemed like the Golden boy & girl's time together was top news.

But the realization that I had finally gotten what I wanted, left me feeling empty.

The look Sebastian gave me after our intense make-out session showed me that he regretted every minute of it. Of course we were both drunk, but I still maybe just maybe thought that it would finally get him to realize his feeling for me. But now I felt like all the other girls who had tried to get Sebastian to maybe feel anything for them and it blowing up in their face.

"Hey Liv...you really need to eat and drink some more water." Addison said to me, pausing to look at my sullen eyes.

She was right ... my head was throbbing, but I couldnt get myself to eat when all I could think about was him.

"Livie...don't look so sad please...Sebastian's just like all the other guys who miss the fantastic opportunity to have you!" Danielle said placing her hand over my own.

After I had thrown up the last contents of the party I had told Dani and Addison everything that happened that night. They tried to reassure me that he was just afraid to lose me or just a jerk, but I seriously couldn't stop the tears that came throughout the night.

"Oh no." I heard Addison whisper. "Here comes the rat pack."

I turned around slowly and watched Duke, Hudson, Andrew, Toby and some of the other soccer boys enter the cafeteria. But to my surprise the one guy I was really looking for was absent. As some of the boys went to get in line Duke, Andrew, and Toby walked over to our table.

"Hey ladies...Addison what looks good today." Andrew said winking at my best friend.

"Not you Andrew." Addison quickly retorted before turning her attention to the other two boys. "Where's Sebastian?" I heard Addison ask.

Toby and Duke each cast a quick glance my way before Toby answered. "He's not feeling very good so we're just going to bring him back something."

I kept my eyes on my sandwich as I heard everyone mutter goodbyes then I heard the boys retreat. Seriously, wasn't feeling very good? Yeah Sebastian had been completely hammered, but still he could at least show his face. Maybe he didn't remember our night together and would act like nothing happened in class tomorrow.

If only I could bring myself do the same.

- - - - zZzZzZzZz - - - -

The next day as I walked to anatomy class my stomach was in knots. I was already annoyed with the pats on the back and the congratulatory speech containing the various words of: Idol, the man, or the long one of "achieving a feet no other guy at Illyria had done".

I had stayed in my room the day before trying to wrap my head around just how much I messed up.

It wasn't that I didn't like kissing Olivia...it was fine, just like drunkenly kissing my best friend...

Okay maybe it was a little more than that but I wasn't going to think about it.

But what I'm really trying to say is that I dug myself in deep.

I messed up a perfectly good friendship because I could not be with Olivia the way she wanted me to be. I couldn't be the Sebastian I created due to my own selfish dream. I messed up because I wasn't Sebastian at all...I was someone completely different...someone who couldn't be with the person who wanted to be with them.

Once I reached the door to my class I walked in and sat down at my table. I was one of the first ones to arrive and was trying to casually make conversation with Eunice waiting for her to walk into the classroom.

I wasn't exactly sure what i was going to say to her, but whatever it was would be alot better than nothing.


	7. Chapter 6

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 6:

* * *

><p>I walked into Anatomy with Danielle trying to muster up the best "I'm just fine" look on my face.<p>

"Don't look at him...don't look at him." I told myself as I walked toward my seat. But just as I began to believe I was in the clear, my body disobeyed me and my blue eyes met his green. A look of guilt washed over his face and I felt like throwing up.

" I'm such an idiot for really believing he would change his mind about me." I silently thought.

As I approached the table he opened his mouth as if to speak but nothing came out.

"Okay class open your books to page 73 and read section 1 & 2 with your partner then complete the review and hand it in to me at the end of class. " I heard Mrs. Anderson say. I didn't even bother turning around...I just continued to stare at the boy who held my heart.

He kept opening and closing his mouth so I just pulled out my book and opened it to the page Mrs. Anderson said trying to act like everything that had happened between us didn't matter.

Sebastian glanced over to where Duke gave him a look that almost said "Talk to her you idiot."

I looked at him expectantly and unintentionally flipped my blonde hair away from my shoulder exposed the mark he had left on me two days before.

His eyes stared at that point before he took in a quick intake of breath and began to speak.

"Look Olivia we - " I didn't want him to finish. I knew what he was going to say and I wasn't going to let the guy I wanted so badly see that I cared at all. At least that was what Addison said to do. And finally for the first time I actually listened to her.

"I know Sebastian we were really drunk and we did things we probably shouldn't have done. Let's just forget it happened okay? Because I don't want to lose our friendship or have anything awkward between us over something stupid." I finished hoping my voice sounded believable.

Sebastian looked confused at first then smiled as if relieved. "Yeah sure Olivia...I don't want to lose this either." And just like that Saturday night was forgotten.

Soon we were back to our old selves again, doing what were supposed to but laughing and talking like nothing had even changed. But everything had. Every single time I watched his face light up or heard his laugh...My heart broke deeper and deeper than before.

Then just as the bell rang and I began to gather my stuff Sebastian brushed passed me along with his friends.

"You still owe me that dance though." I heard him say in my ear as he walked by...my body filling with emotions I wish I could escape.

- - - - zZzZzZz - - - -

Walking back to my dorm after my last class of the day I felt pretty good. Everything was slowly falling into place. Plus I didn't have to worry about losing the one girl I could really talk too.

Olivia surprisingly handled the whole situation a lot better than I expected, since I had been a complete asshole. But she had said that everything was fine and she didn't want to complicate things so I wasn't about to question her.

My thoughts were soon interrupted when I heard Sebastian being yelled from behind me.

I turned around and saw Caroline Cater walking toward me. I had to give it to the girl she knew how to flaunt what she had. She reminded me of Monique, my brother's ex/my at the moment ex, but slightly more obnoxious in the fact that she just didn't get the point that I wasn't interested.

"Hi Caroline. How can I help you?" I said, not even bothering trying to hide the bordem already etched in my voice.

"Well Sebastian, since I noticed that you were still on the market... I think that this thing between us can really take off if we let it." she explained slowly pushing her chest up probabley hoping it would push me to say yes.

I rolled my eyes. "Caroline thank you for the offer bu-"

"If this is about your little hook-up with Olivia, I think you guys are better off as friends, she's a little stuck up if you ask me and-" she started but I had already heard enough.

"Okay let me just stop you there...first, Olivia isn't stuck up and her and I's relationship is frankly none of your business. Second, if you concentrated less on trying to push your boobs in my face and more on the fact that this is never going to happen between us then it would save my time and your dignity." I finished. Seriously who did this girl think she was calling Olivia stuck up... she didnt even know her the way I did.

Caroline stood there her mouth agape. "You little..." She began.

My phone began vibrating in my pocket saving me from her explosion.

"Hold that thought will yah? " I said pulling out my phone.

"Hello?" I said.

"Um...Hi is this Viola?" the deep voice on the other end asked slowly.

"Who's asking?" I replied suspiciously.

"This is Mitchell Davis." the boy said.

Mitchell Davis ... Mitchell Davis? Who the hell is Mitchell Davis I thought silently as I looked at Caroline who was impatiently tapping her foot.

Then it hit me. Mitch Davis! The super hot St. Joseph's boy I had met the day before I started being Sebastian. I was surprised that I would forget his muscled body, dimpled cheeks, and perfectly messy dark brown hair.

"Um hello?" Mitch said.

"Yeah hold-on." I said . "Hey Caroline I think we should just reschedule this little shindig alright?" I asked turning around and walking into the men's room before she could even reply.

I checked under the stalls and after I made sure no one was inside I locked the door behind me.

"Hello Mitch." I finally said in my normal voice. It felt like ages since _I_ had even heard it.

"Hey Viola...Sorry it took me so long to call...I wasnt sure if you were being serious with the whole call me in 2 weeks deal." He said relief showing in his voice.

I smiled to myself remembering just what I had said to him. I had given him my number that night and told him that if he remembered to call me in two weeks I would let him take me out.

"Don't worry you passed the test." I replied laughing.

"Alright good, I was beginning to worry after that guy answered that maybe you had given me a fake number." Mitch said also laughing.

Cute and honest... what an upgrade, I thought before replying. " Sorry about that...that was my brother."

"So this is your cell phone number then?"

"Yes indeedy it is."

"Alright good...so I was calling to just make sure that you were gonna keep up your end of the deal and let me take you out."

"Of course." I replied, almost too quickly.

"Cool how about Lula's cafe at 7 on friday?"

"Sounds good see you then?"

"Yeah, see you then Viola."

After hanging up I couldnt help but smile. Yep things were really looking up.


	8. Chapter 7

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 7:

* * *

><p>The week came and went just as quickly as the wind. Soon it was Saturday morning and all I could smell was the freshly cut grass of the soccer field. We were warming up for our game against St. Augustine , doing some passing drills with a partner. My mind was focused somewhat on the ball being sent by Duke and somewhat on my date last night with Mitchell. He was a lot cuter than I remembered and funnier too. My playful nature and his cool demeanor went hand and hand, and the waitress even asked if we were celebrating an anniversary.<p>

After returning to Illyria after the date I was jammed with questions. Duke and the boys thought I was out with Olivia but I quickly showed them the texts Mitchell had sent me. I strategically changed his name to Michelle in my phone so they bought the story. Mitch was perfect, nothing like my douche-bag of an ex Justin so at the moment I felt at ease.

"Sebastian wake up man...you totally just ignored that pass." Duke said, waking me up.

"My bad...don't get your panties in a twist." I said running over to where the ball had stopped at the edge of the field.

"Hey," a soft voice said behind me. I turned around and came face to face with my favorite blonde. She looked beautiful in her printed dress, and the wind sweeping her hair all around her face.

"Hey Liv, I thought you weren't going to make it." I said, picking the ball up and resting it on my hip.

Ever since Olivia and I "made up" we had been hanging out like nothing had ever happened. Olivia was the type of girl who could listen to you for hours and not get bored with you voice, even if you're talking about something as insignificant as soap products. The boys all thought we were hooking up but I had to quickly put them down. Olivia was just the only one I could talk to and not worry.

"Yeah I did too, but I changed a few things around ... and now I'm here." She said smiling sheepishly.

"Well I am glad you're here. I can't have my lucky charm missing on game day. I thought I told you." I replied playfully.

"Of course. You know I wouldn't miss it for the world." She said before adding with a wink, " Good luck out there."

I watched her disappear into the crowd of spectators. Our flirtatious banter was normal now and I laughed and waved as she joined Eunice, Danielle, and Addison in the crowd.

Suddenly the whistle blew and I turned to run to join my team. The only thing on my mind was the soccer ball... and the blonde in the printed dress.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

Sebastian as usual was a star on the field. His grace and speed took over the game...St. Augustine really didn't have a chance. We were up 4 to 1 and it was nearing the end of the game. Sebastian was on the sidelines laughing with Toby and Brent Wheetly. It was easy to see why so many girls and guys alike loved Sebastian Hastings. He was funny, kind, generous, both a guy's and girl's guy, and really one of my dearest friends. Although the feelings I had for him were stronger than ever, I held them at bay. It would be stupid of me, Olivia Lennox, to push myself onto him...again. But I understood now how numerous people throughout the world felt. The ones who are in love with their best friends...but they can't show it.

"Guess who's looking up here again?" Addison sing-songged next to me.

"Huh?" I asked, following her gaze to my smiling forward.

His gaze was locked on mine and I felt like the wind was being knocked out of me. His smiled even wider and my stomach did flips.

"How many times is that now...10?" Danielle added.

"No 12 Dani...12. " Addison said laughing.

"Shut-up guys." I said turning my gaze away from that refined face.

"Why don't you guys just go at it already? We all know how much that boy is invested in soccer, and if he is looking up here while in a game nonetheless...I would guess he's been thinking about making some new investments. " Addison said as Eunice and Danielle agreed.

I turned back to face the field. My eyes wandered to the jersey plastered with 13 on its back. He wasn't interested in me...He had told me himself when we were studying in my room. But even as he said it, I could have sworn his eyes traveled from mine to my lips then back again. Addison didn't know what she was talking about. Boys like Sebastian were too hard to figure out and not to mention hard to come by.

"He is looking rather exquisite today Olivia." Eunice piped. She was right. Sebastian was covered with grass, dirt, and sweat. His hair was a bit tousled, like the wind had taken the time to strategically whip each hair on his head to make him look like he just rolled out of bed. He looked handsome. No...actually rugged. Yeah ruggedly handsome.

He turned his head again. His gaze catching mine almost like he knew I was staring.

"Lucky number 13 Livie." Dani said again, catching Sebastian and I's staring match.

"At least tonight you guys will finally be able to release your sexual tension." Addison said as Eunice and Dani laughed together.

"Wait what? " I asked just as the final whistle blew signaling our win.

"Don't tell us you forgot!" Eunice exclaimed. But just as the bleachers began to clear it hit me.

My date. Well it wasn't exactly a date per-se, really just dinner with a friend. Sebastian and I decided Friday in class to skip the evening festivities and go to dinner. I felt myself blush suddenly...how could I have forgotten honestly?

I walked down the bleachers behind my friends. "It's just dinner...just dinner." I said to myself. Sebastian was standing a good few feet away from me. He was crowed around what looked like St. Augustine girls along with Andrew. He looked up and smiled when he saw me. He then lifted his wrist and tapped his imaginary watch.

"She you at 7." He mouthed as Addison pulled me away.

Yeah... just dinner.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I walked into Cesario's feeling nervous. The girls had dolled me up and I had to admit I looked pretty good, but on the inside I felt like shit. I looked around and spotted him sitting in a booth and texting furiously on his phone. I walked over slowly and as I approached he stood dropping his phone into his pocket.

"Hey." I said softly, as I hugged him. He smiled delicious and looked it too. He was wearing a light blue sweater and some dark wash straight leg jeans. His hair was swept to his right, off his forehead like it usually was. He looked perfect.

"You look ... wow..." He said as I blushed sitting down. "I mean beautiful."

"Thank you...you don't look so bad yourself." I said smiling.

"You know I thought maybe you had decided to go to the party, and leave me all to my lonesome." He quipped, throwing that lopsided smile.

With that I was completely at ease. The uneasiness and nerves fell away. "I was thinking about it...but you know considering what happened last time I didn't really want to spend another weekend like that." I said laughing.

He laughed too. "Was I really that bad? Addison told me that after we...kissed you um threw up." He said, a smiling playing on his pink lips.

"I mean I've had better." I replied, laughing at the thought of my best friend confronting Sebastian and telling him that, although totally out of context.

"Man I really gotta improve. My game is slipping !" He jokingly added.

"Maybe this game you speak of doesn't really work on me." I said, looking him in his eye. Confidence spread through me, and for the first time I felt I had the upper hand.

He titled his head slightly,pursing his lips together, and studied my face. " You're really something you know that?" He stated, the serious look on his face disappearing. I felt the blush creep up my neck and just like that I was back to phase one.

My brain scrambled for a reply but soon the waitress brought over the pepperoni and spinach pizza, my personal favorite.

Sebastian smiled. "I hope you don't mind, I sort of kinda already ordered for us."

I shook my head. This boy really was going to be the end of me.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

It was going on 10 o' clock and Olivia and I weren't slowing down. We were laughing about our first encounter outside of Principal Gold's office, and just how quickly he made somewhat of a reference to sexual encounters.

"I mean all I was doing was picking up your books...Gold's a weird one for that." I said laughing.

"I know. I think his baldness is getting to him." She added, laughing angelically.

This girl was really the full package. I thought I understood before why every guy at Illyria wanted her, but I really hadn't. She wasn't just a pretty face with perfect blonde hair. She had substance, she had that something you wanted to see more off. Blue eyes that sparkled when she smiled and a laugh that could turn any guys knees to jelly.

"What?" She asked me. I realized I was staring. "Is there something in my teeth?"

Before I could reply her phone buzzed. She pulled it out and opened it. "It might be Addison...I told her to call if anything..." She trailed off. The light in her eyes disappeared and the smile fell from her face.

"What's wrong.?" I asked worriedly. "Did something happen?"

She just shook her head and pushed her phone toward me.

_"Hey Liv. I miss you a lot babe. I think we should grab some food sometime and catch up...I want you to meet Darcy. -Jason"_

Jason? Then it hit me. Olivia's asshole of an ex boyfriend who had dumped her at the beginning of this year. He had lied to her over and over the whole summer that he wanted to be with her even though he was in college then left her for another girl ... maybe for this Darcy character.

I hit the reply button on her phone and quickly sent a reply. "This dude's an idiot Liv. You don't need someone like that in your life." I stated, sliding the phone back to her.

She only nodded her head and glanced at her phone again as it vibrated on the table. This guy had really hurt her...and it honestly hurt me to see her like this. She looked lost and vulnerable.

She finally looked up at me. "Promise me something Sebastian." She whispered.

I waited for her to reply, knowing I would promise this girl anything.

"Promise me you'll never lie to me...or hide anything from me." She said her blue eyes glistening with tears. "Because if you do I know I won't be able to take it."

My stomach dropped. _Being Sebastian_ required me to lie to her...to everyone. But this girl had a hold on me...on the _real_ me. "I promise." I heard myself say.

She nodded whispering a thank you I had to strain to hear although I was sitting right across from her. She flipped her phone open again and huffed.

"He wants to go on a double date. Is he being serious? I'm just going to tell him to fuck off." She said, venom in her voice.

"No wait." I said, knowing I needed to be there for this girl. "I have an idea that will have this kid wishing for something he can't have."

She looked at me expectantly waiting for me to uncover my "brilliant" plan.

"You're going to go on that double date Liv." I stated.

"But Sebasti-" She tried to get out but I cut her off.

"You're going to go on that date Olivia...with me. " I finished.

I watched as her face went from confused to happy. The smile returned to her face and she quickly shot a reply to Jason.

This kid doesn't mess with _my_ girl... I'm going to make him want to eat his heart out.


	9. Chapter 8

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 8:

* * *

><p>For the next three days all I could think about was the double date with Jason and Darcy. We had scheduled it for Wednesday night at Lula's. Sebastian and I had decided that Cesario's would cause some unwanted attention on our part since half of llyria hung out there.<p>

I couldn't focus in class and the only person I told about the date was Addison. She had praised Sebastian and finally decided that she liked him again. I was sitting across my knight in shining armor in the Library. He was engrossed in his Calculus homework while I pretended to read "Grapes of Wrath" .

It was Tuesday night, and in 24 hours I was going to be sitting across the guy who I thought was everything just a few months ago.

"You okay Liv?" Sebastian asked quietly.

"I don't think it's such a good idea anymore Sebastian." I said honestly, running my fingers through my hair.

"Liv you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm doing this because I want him to realize how he lost the best thing that ever happened to him...you're an incredible girl and you never deserved that. But I understand the whole thing is a little crazy but...I don't know I just wanted..." He trailed off, looking down at his Calc book.

I didn't know what to say. I thought this whole thing was just to show that I had moved on and wasn't still hung up on Jason. I know I had...I had moved on to a guy who wanted me to understand that I was worth something. That I was valuable and loved. I knew I had to do this. Not for Jason or for Sebastian but for myself. I needed to see that Jason was never it for me, that he took me for granted and now I was out of reach.

"I'm going to do this." I stated confidently.

Sebastian looked up and smiled. "I'll be right there with you."

His smile made my heart soar. And for the first time I thought Wednesday night might be fun.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ- - - -

I was looking myself over for the 500th time in my dorm's personal bathroom when I heard the knock on the door.

"Hey Sebastian...don't you look handsome." I heard Addison say.

Sebastian laughed before replying, "Thanks Addison, where's Olivia?" My heart began beating rapidly and I wasn't sure if it was because of tonight or because I was about to walk out and see _him:_ my personal bodyguard and boyfriend for the night.

I walked out of the bathroom and came face to face with him. Addison was right he looked absolutely gorgeous. He wore a green button down shirt that accented his eyes, dark jeans, and a leather jacket that completed his outfit. It looked like something Duke would wear...but where Duke looked tough Sebastian looked hip.

He looked like the guy who drew everyone's eye.

"You look absolutely stunning." Sebastian said smiling.

"Let's just say Darcy will be paying attention to someone's boyfriend tonight...but it won't be her own." Addison piped sitting down on her bed.

I smiled at my best friend, knowing her statement was true. Sebastian was **that** guy.

"My lady." Sebastian said offering me his arm. He opened the door but before we left Addison called out to us.

"Knock um dead Liv! Have fun tonight...Sebastian take care of her please." Addison called out as we walked out the door arm and arm.

"You ready for this Liv." Sebastian asked, as we walked outside into the cool breeze.

"As ready as I'll ever be. "I said looking up into the beautiful green eyes.

"So do you prefer baby, babe, honeycakes..." Sebastian asked taking my hand.

"I think baby is nice." I said laughing and squeezing the hand that held mine.

I wasn't sure what the had in store, but I knew if I had him...everything would be fine.

- - - - ZzZzZzZzZ - - - -

Walking into Lula's I felt calm, but I could tell Olivia wasn't exactly feeling the same. Her hand shook in my own and she kept touching her hair. She always did that when she was nervous.

I squeezed her hand . "Don't worry **baby**...I'm right here." I reassured her.

Her blues met my green and I knew she trusted me. I found myself lost in those blue's for a second.

"Olivia!" someone called. My eyes left hers and I saw a guy waving his hands across the restaurant.

"Come on." She said taking the lead.

She lead me to a booth in the back of Lula's. We approached a black haired Ashton Kutcher kind of guy. Except definitely not as cute or funny. He reminded me of Justin. The jock type of guy who thinks he's the shit.

"Hey Liv, it's good to see you." The guy said standing up and hugging Olivia.

He then turned to me and offered his hand. "Wassup man, I'm Jason." He said as I firmly took his hand.

"Sebastian. " I replied. I already didn't like Jason going into this and I sure didn't like him now with the way he was looking at Olivia, who was in light conversation with his date

The girl next to him was quite pretty in fact, with short brown hair and dark eyes. "Olivia I see you've met Darcy...but um Sebastian man this is my girlfriend Darcy." Jason said.

"Hello Darcy. I'm Sebastian...and I see you've met my girlfriend Olivia." I said pulling Olivia into me.

"Hi Sebastian." Darcy said slowly, almost flirtatiously. I guess Addison was right, she hadn't even looked at Jason this whole time.

"So uh shall we sit." Jason said motioning to the booth.

I let Olivia slide in first. "What a gentlemen you are Sebastian... you should teach this one a few things or two." Darcy said smiling at me.

Gosh was this really who Jason had left Olivia for? Guys theses days really had no clue.

Jason laughed nervously and cleared his throat. "So uh how long have you guys been together?" Jason asked.

"A couple of months." I replied turning and smiling down at a nervous looking Olivia. I squeezed her hand before continuing, " But I'm thinking it's going to be a lot longer." I finished keeping my gaze on Olivia.

She turned away from my gaze and laughed.

"Looks like you let a good one get away Jason...but thank you for that." I said turning back to the douche-bag sitting across from me.

"Well you might think that now but..." Jason started, laughing.

What's that supposed to mean? I'm not sure what is was about this guy but I wanted to punch him. He pretty much just put the beautiful blonde next to me down.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my thigh. I turned my head towards Olivia who was looking at me with worried eyes. "I think I'm going to think it for forever." I said, kissing Olivia on the cheek.

"So Olivia where did you and Sebastian meet?" Darcy asked...

After Darcy got Olivia talking and I planted a few more kisses on her cheek she began to lighten up. The conversation flowed between Darcy, Olivia, and I but Jason continuously tried to undermine Olivia and I's fake relationship. Although I always did have a smart remark in return to silence his advances.

"Excuse me...I think I'm going to hit the girls' room right now." Olivia said after we finished our food.

"I think I am too." Darcy said, following Olivia.

The two really seemed to hit it off but I couldn't say the same about her boyfriend and I.

"Now that our women are gone , I can finally talk to you man to man." Jason began, plastering a cocky smile on his face.

"Seems like it ." I said, cooly.

"Yeah so...Have you gotten that one to put out yet?" Jason asked.

I almost chocked on my water. "Excuse me?" I asked him in disbelief.

"Has she put out? She never did with me man, that's why I love college...no need to wait." Jason said leaning back.

What a jerk. I could not even believe Olivia would want to spend any time with this guy. I was done with him and his little games.

"Look Jason...I'm not sure what Olivia saw in you but honestly you should just shut the fuck up." I began. His cocky smile fell and anger boiled in my stomach.

"You're going to end up alone if you keep taking the good ones you find for granted. It doesn't matter to me if she "puts out" or not, because I actually enjoy her company and she enjoys mine. I'm glad you fucked things up with her and ruined probably the best thing that's going to happen in your basic life man... If you keep acting like women are just things you can have you're wrong. Soon Darcy and all the other girls you spend time with are going to realize they deserve better, just like Olivia did. I mean honestly I feel sorry for you. You put up this front like you're worth everyone's time...but grow up and open your eyes because life isn't your personal playground. Olivia regrets investing her time in you...and you better bet your Abercrombie polo that Darcy will too if you don't wake up." I finished leaning back and letting a small laugh escape my lips.

The look on his face was far better than any look I could have gotten if I would have decided to punch him.

"Oh and also...your fifteen dollar axe cologne smells like ass." I added just as the girls approached.

"Hey." Olivia said smiling as I stood up and let her in the booth.

"D-Darcy let's go and pay for this bill." Jason stammered standing up and walking away with Darcy in tow.

I laughed as I heard him ask her how he smells. I couldn't hear her reply but the look on his face showed me it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

I had never really lectured anyone before, but I felt damn good about. Mission complete.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

After sitting back down at the booth with Sebastian I felt great. Darcy had pretty much praised Sebastian and I's relationship and I knew best couple of the night definitely is going to us.

"Why did he walk away like he was about to throw up?" I asked Sebastian. He turned his head toward me and smiled.

"How did you really spend 8 months with that guy...he's a dick." Sebastian said, scooting closer to me.

I laughed. "I'm not sure what you said but I think it was most likely Oscar worthy." I replied. I could feel the heat coming off his body and all I could do was smile.

"You would have been proud **baby**." He whispered, cooly. "I'm pretty sure he's going to go cry."

I laughed again. This guy was perfect. "Thank you for doing this Sebastian." I said looking down. I looked back up and saw he was fully facing me now, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Is he looking over here?" He suddenly asked me. I looked quizzically at him first then peered over his head to where Jason was throwing glances at us.

"Yeah why?" I asked him, not actually understanding.

"To finish our adventure off I think it's really time to show him what's he's missing." Sebastian said.

"What do-" I began but was cut off by Sebastian's mouth on mine.

His lips were just as I remembered. Soft and perfect. The kiss was slow and all I could do was grip his hands which held my face. Whatever worries I had been thinking about left my mind. I was walking on air...

I was kissing the boy who would pretend to be my boyfriend to show an ex what he was missing. I was kissing the boy who fainted during our dissections in anatomy. I was kissing the boy who I could talk to for hours and not have to leave anything out. I was kissing the boy who accepted me for me.

Sebastian pulled away just as I heard Darcy's voice. I couldn't quite make out what she said because my mind was still processing what just happened. That was the best kiss I've ever had. I finally opened my eyes and looked up at Jason and Darcy.

Darcy was looking longingly at Sebastian and I, Jason looked as if he smelled something disgusting, and Sebastian just had an adorable smile on his face.

"Well this was a nice outing. It was nice to see you again Olivia and Sebastian it...was nice meeting you." Jason said slowly.

"I wish I could say the same to you." Sebastian replied. I laughed silently at Sebastian's honesty. Yep...he was perfect.

"Well I had a lovely time, and Olivia don't forget to call me girl!" Darcy stated looking at me. "You guys are really lucky to have each other...you make a great couple." Darcy finished as Jason began to pull her away.

"Bye, thanks for dinner." I called to their retreating backs. Darcy turned to wave before they disappearing out the door.

"Well **baby**...I think you did great." Sebastian said, slipping on his jacket and holding his hand out for me.

"You didn't do so bad yourself...I think it's safe to say that the team of Sebastian and Olivia took home the gold." I added, taking his hand and letting him lead me out of the restaurant.

Although I was happy about how the night had gone, I could only focus on the feel of his lips on mine. I touched my lips with me free hand and finally realized the something...

That I had kissed the boy who I was falling in love with.


	10. Chapter 9

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 9:

* * *

><p>I'm not exactly sure if it was the beauty of a Friday, the realization of having only one more game until the big one against Cornwall, or the fact that my perfect Anatomy partner looked genuinely happy, but I was feeling weightless. I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that felt like butterflies...but better. Where butterflies made me feel uneasy or nervous, this feeling was making me feel like I was in a state of utter bliss. In a mere week I was going to be on that grassy field...my home...playing against the team I thought I loved so much. I was finally going to show them and myself that I was good enough, that every single girl should be given the chance to showcase their abilities amidst the chaos of this male dominated culture.<p>

Pretending to be my brother was a wild unexpected ride. I had managed to keep my true identity a secret for the past 4 weeks I had been at Illyria. It was difficult at times but I made it through unscathed with a little help. Baby blue as I now call her...or sometimes just baby was looking as radiant as ever. Ever since Olivia and I had returned from our double date with her asshole or an ex, I noticed a light in her eyes I had never seen before. She wasn't as guarded now, it seemed like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She was happy...and so was I.

"So Sebastian...are you exited for the game tomorrow?" Olivia asked, taking a break from her note taking and snapping me from my thoughts.

"Uhh yeah I guess, I think Coach is going to make us take it easy since this game against Stonehill is more like a practice." I replied, swiping the wig hair out of my face. I made a mental note to tell Paul to trim it.

"Then I shouldn't go to the game then?" Olivia questioning, raising an eyebrow in the cute way she always did when she already knew the answer to a question.

Gosh, was this girl something. "You know I want you to be there." I said, smiling. "I want to have something to do when I'm passing time on the bench."

Olivia blushed slightly. "Well I guess I can try to make an appearance." She stated simply.

Before I could make out a thank you the bell rang and she had already whispered a goodbye and was making her way out of the class with Eunice and Danielle.

The feeling in the pit of my stomach lessened significantly, and I realized it was there because of her. It was weird how my world was shifting. Ever since I kissed her at Lula's it was different with us. Like we shared something that we didn't want to have known...our secret. Olivia was perfect in _Sebastian's_ world, and if I were really my brother I would have already grabbed her up and would not even begin to think of letting her go. But in my world...the world of Viola Hastings, the relationship with Olivia couldn't exist past a friendship. I knew I belonged with someone like Mitch. With someone I already knew how to handle, with feelings I could grasp easily and reciprocate. I wasn't sure of these weird feelings I had around her...but I knew they only meant trouble.

"Bastian man, you asked anyone yet?" Andrew said, coming up behind me with Toby while I walked down the hall toward the cafeteria.

"Asked anyone what?" I asked perplexed. I entered the cafeteria and spotted Hudson and Duke already seated at a circular table, I plopped down next to Hudson and waited for Andrew's answer.

"Come on man, don't tell me you forgot already." Andrew continued.

Now I was confused. I racked my brain to make sure I wasn't overlooking anything. "I don't understand." I finally said, after I couldn't think of anything.

"The Homecoming dance man, next Saturday. You really forgot?" Andrew asked astonished.

Wait, what? Homecoming dance...

"Come on Sebastian...so many chicks have been talking about who you're about to ask...you really didn't know?" Duke added leaning back.

Then it came to me. The flyers that I always overlooked, the stares from numerous girls, the talks about dresses and limos, etc. How could I have been so foolish? Illyria's homecoming was unlike most schools. Where most schools had there big Homecoming football game...Illyria had a soccer game. The rivalry game against Cornwall next Friday. Then the next day was the dance.

Gosh, that means I need to find a cute dress, cute shoes to match, a cute - Wait. That was for if I was just being regular old Viola but now it meant a tux...and a date. Oh the simplisity of being a guy.

"Sebastian man...wake up! Who are you gonna ask man? We need to arrange this now so the ladies won't be up our asses about dinner and the limo and blah blah blah.." Andrew exclaimed, waking me from my own thoughts.

"I think you should just ask your girl man...put all these others out of their misery. Plus we've had to heckle a few guys for trying to walk up on her man. " Toby added, biting into his sandwich.

"Wait...who's my girl?" I asked my boys. I was 100% sure _Sebastian_ or really I didn't have a girlfriend at Illyria...

"Dude come on...Olivia man!" Duke said, slapping me on the back.

Of course ! If I really had to go to this dance I would want to go with Olivia. Actually there was really no other option in my mind, no greater girl I would be happy to take to the dance. Just then she walked into the cafeteria. I wondered if I should just walk up to her and ask her now...you know just shoot the cat in the bag.

"If you're thinking about asking her now man...don't even think about..." Andrew piped in next to me. Well that idea was out the window quickly. "You know how girls are...they like to be asked in cute ways that showcase your abilities to be sincere and sweet...total bullshit if you ask me...but they dig it."

There was some truth in what Andrew was saying. Last year I told Justin if he didn't ask me just because we were already dating I was going to go with someone else. I also told him it better be in a good way too. So if I wanted to get "my girl" to say yes, I needed to start thinking of some creative ways to sweep her off her feet.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

Sitting in the cafeteria was starting to give me anxiety. Sebastian was looking over every two seconds and I wasn't sure if it was just because he thought I looked nice today, or maybe because he was about to ask me to Homecoming. Danielle and Addison both had already been asked and now I was just waiting for my knight in signing armor to finally ask me. I didn't need it to be in a cute way like how Hudson and Grant had asked Dani and Addison...the simpler the better for me. But the dance was in a week and I was starting to get nervous. Although, I already had a dress and shoes to match, and I was quite worried about the fact that Sebastian hadn't actually asked me yet, I was nervous because Addison and Dani were making me nervous.

"I still don't get why he doesn't just ask you out yet...You guys are practically dating...and by the way you two stare at each other I would bet that you guys are hooking up huh?" Addison huffed.

"Hey, why didn't you tell us?" Danielle added with a whine.

"We are not hooking up and we are not dating." I said, my eyes wandering over to his table. He was laughing along with the other boys at his table...his boys. He was so adorable...

"I say you just make the little bugger jealous." Addison said, drawing my attention back to her.

"What are you gettting at?" Danielle asked intrigued.

"Well I think that little Livie over here should just say yes to Danny Mitchell when he asks her, then Sebastian will know how it feels to take something as precious as our best friend here for granted." Addison finished triumphantly.

"Oh I like this plan Addi !" Danielle said, clapping her hands.

"Thank you...thank you." Addison said, bowing slightly.

"I don't want to go with Danny guys...I already know who I want to go with." I said, turning my head back to where Sebastian sat.

Danielle and Addison followed my gaze. "Look Liv, I understand that you want to go with him...but you're just letting him control everything. He's just having everything fall in his lap, he isn't working for your affection! Plus although it is a week away he has had multiple opportunities to ask you since he most certainly isn't the type to ask anyone in a cheesy way." Addison said.

My best friend was right. Sebastian was more of a laid-back and mellow kind of guy. He would most likely just get some flowers and ask, not go to extreme lengths to seem like he really cared about the dance. I also realized that she was right in him controlling our relationship. He was the one who labeled us in the beginning, the one who shucked our title then added it again! It was time for me to take control...for me to make him see that I wasn't just his lapdog.

"Soo Livie what do you say...Operation: Jealous Much in full force?" Danielle asked eagerly.

I laughed...it was time to set down my foot. "Operation: Jealous Much is in action!" I finally said.

The girls cheered and high-fived. I casted one more look over at Sebastian, he was staring right back...and I knew that just maybe I could get what I've wanted since the first time I laid eyes on him.


	11. Chapter 10

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 10:

* * *

><p>The weekend was over before it even started. Just like I had assumed, the game against Stonehill was more like a practice for the first string players, and we spent most of the time on the sidelines. I occupied my time wisely...well not really. Half the time I spent thinking up good ways to ask Olivia to Homecoming with Toby and Duke and the other half having a lip reading  hand gesturing / staring conversation with my blonde baby blue.

After the game, Olivia and I once again skipped the after party and went out for bowling with Danielle and Grant. It was sort of a double date aside for the fact that Olivia and I weren't actually on a date...or dating like Danielle and Grant were. But everyone assumed, actually everyone still assumes that we are currently a couple. We are even in the running for Homecoming King and Queen. But that's beside the point. The real point that I'm trying to convey is that I'm wussing out. I've had numerous opportunities to ask her to the dance but I just...can't. I know she will most likely say yes...but the mere thought of rejection, even for something as unimportant as a stupid dance, has got me running in the opposite direction. I know how it feels now to be on the other end. To have my mind reeling about the "right" way to ask just 7 words: Will you go to Homecoming with me?

And now as I sit across from her in Study Hall on this Monday morning, my hands sweating and my nerves on edge, I'm thinking I should just get it out already. Yesterday I had scratched the whole idea of a creative catchy inside joke kind of way of asking her, since I thought that really wasn't _Sebastian's_ style. So I just got her roses and took some of Sebastian's lyrics and put them on a nice little card. Olivia likes the simpler things in life, she's classy like that. I just had to find an excuse to get her to my locker where the roses were waiting patiently.

Olivia looked up at me and smiled. "You excited for the dance my little playboy?" She asked slyly.

"Playboy? I'm appalled that you would say such thing." I replied, laughing. "But yeah I guess are you?" I asked, somewhat suspiciously.

"Yeah I am...it's the last one, so you have to do it right..." She said, trailing off.

Before I could speak she launched into something else. "I almost forgot to ask... but who are you taking? Because Addison needs the names for our table since you and your date are the last couple." She finished.

"Wait..what do you mean last couple?" I asked. Before I could make sense of what was going through my head she began her list.

"Well for dinner Addison booked 20 guests for Cafe Frontera, and they require the full name of each guest so they can put them on some tasteful little place holders...so there's Addison and Hudson, Dani and Grant, Duke and Cassidy, Toby and Eunice, Andrew and Sophia..." I lost interest in Olivia's list until the last names," Then there's Danny and I, and you and your date...maybe that Michelle girl you're always texting?" She finished, twirling her hair around her finger. Of course I wouldn't be asking Mitch...but now I was confused. I thought the boys had made sure that she didn't have a date yet.

Was she messing with me? "So Dani has two dates then...you and Grant?" I asked, hoping she was going to say yes.

"No silly, I'm not talking about Dani as in Danielle, I'm talking about Danny as in Danny Mitchell."

**WHAT!** She was going to Homecoming with Danny Mitchell. The idiotic tennis star in my History class. One time he had asked our teacher, Mr. Malick, if Denzel Washington's grandfather was George Washington...as in the first president of the United States...yeah he's that ignorant.

Was Olivia being serious? She was actually going to spend a whole night with that fool...

"Sebastian what's wrong? You look like you just ate a lemon." Olivia asked with a hint of concern and something else I couldn't quite place.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to wipe the disgusted look off my face. "I'm fine...I just bit my tongue." I lied.

"Oh...alright. So who are you taking then?" She asked again.

I knew I had to think fast. My anger and frustration were rising and I desperately needed to think of a girl and quick. Then it came to me..

"Kia...Kia Capron."

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

I sat and watched as Sebastian crumbled then rebuilt himself just as quickly. "Operation: Jealous Much" was going great...until I found out that Sebastian already had a date. But that wasn't exactly what confused me...it seemed like when I told him that I was going with Danny, anger flashed on his face. But then he ended up having a date? So maybe he was jealous then? I don't even know but staring at my knight I knew that the plan was working in full force. He hadn't spoken since he told me the name of his date and although it was a comfortable silence I could feel the tension building somewhat.

"So...how long have you and Danny you know...?" He suddenly spoke. His blunt question threw me off guard for a second.

"Uhm not very long I guess...we've just sort of been hanging out lately. We enjoy each other's company...so he asked me to Homecoming." I said nonchalantly. I was playing up every card Danielle and Addison told me too and it's working. Although I had no interest in Danny, and he had asked me to Homecoming by putting a kiddie pool in my room and filling it with fish and posting a sign in the background with "Out of all the fish in the sea, will you go to Homecoming with me"...I know so original, but I had no intention of letting Sebastian know any of this. He was going to think that Danny and I had this whole relationship going on without him knowing and he was going to have to watch me invest my love in someone else. Well fake love that is.

"Oh well that's cool I guess. I'm glad you're happy Liv." He said softly, not looking up from his textbook.

"Yeah I am too...it's good to finally have a stable foundation with a guy...and know where I stand with him." I said slowly. I knew I struck a chord the instant the words flew out of my mouth. Sebastian and I both new that my words were directed at him.

Sebastian stiffened then started collecting his books. "I forgot I have to go get ready for this English exam...I'll see you later." He stammered, before walking out of the library quickly.

I knew he was just leaving because of my comment...since Study Hall of course was made for studying. But I wasn't sure if he was mad because of it or because I was going to Homecoming with someone else.

But I sure as hell did know that Part I of "Operation: Jealous Much"...was complete.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

I stormed out of the library my hairs on edge. Seriously, Danny Mitchell? What could she possibly see in that guy? I began my walk across campus and pulled out my phone. I hurriedly dialed Kia's number, praying decided not to go to school today.

She picked up on the first ring. "Hey Vi , what's up?"

I told her the situation and she gladly accepted my invitation. I knew when choosing between Kia and Yvonne, Kia was definitely the more dangerous choice. I'm not really sure why I chose her...maybe it was because she's the mirror opposite of Olivia whereas Yvonne is almost the same. I wasn't sure why I even cared this much. It wasn't like I had been rejected. I had gotten a date easily. So I couldn't understand why I was still angry.

I finally reached my locker and took out the yellow roses I knew were her favorite. I was pissed but not pissed enough to throw them away, so I did the only thing I could think to do...I went to the office and approached the secretary's quarter. Mrs. Robertson was absent from her usual post so I just replaced the wilting lilies in the vase with the dozen yellow roses that were meant for _her_.

I left the card there too, upside down so she could read it easily when she returned. I had handwritten the words, trying my best to imitate my brothers boyish scribbles...

_"The days are colorless without you.._

_All the times you've smiled, I've got a collection.._

_Giving me something to hold onto._

_Now when I ask you this question..._

_I won't forget to mention..._

_That I honestly do love you."_

I walked out of the office hoping and praying that just maybe those words could make someone else smile...


	12. Chapter 11

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 11:

* * *

><p>After Sebastian left Study Hall, I received a slip from an office-aid that I needed to pick my transcript up for my college applications from my counselor. I was only applying to three schools, early-unbiding admission to each, and just needed that final piece to complete my college process. So as I walked down to the office I felt pretty good. Especially since "Operation: Jealous Much" was going according to plan. Sebastian was a difficult to read but after today I knew that he felt something for me beyond friendship. And although I wasn't going to Homecoming with him like I had initially wanted too...hopefully the opportunity will present itself and Sebastian and I will become and us.<p>

Before I knew it I had reached the office. I opened heavy glass door and walked toward where Mrs. Darina's office was. Just as I turned the corner into the main waiting area Malcolm was suddenly in front of me.

"Hi Olivia!" He said, patting down his already neatly gelled hair.

"Malcolm...what a surprise." I responded dryly.

"That it is. But if you must know I was just here to pick up my transcript from Mrs. Darina." He paused to wave the envelope in front of my face. "I'm sending mine in today...hopefully, Yale will understand that crimson is a much more suitable color for me! You see Olivia Harvard-" He started in again and I began to tune him out just as something bright caught my eye.

Just over Malcolm's shoulder on Mrs. Robertson's desk sat a dozen beautiful yellow roses. Mrs. Robertson sat admiring them while also casually reading over what looked like a card. She looked so happy sitting at her desk and I wondered who gave her that gift. By the look on her face it was probably her husband...because she looked in love.

"Olivia? ...Olivia?"

I turned my head back toward Malcolm. "Yes Malcolm?"

"So Homecoming with me should-" He began to say but I had already heard enough. I side-stepped him and made my way over to Mrs. Robertson.

"Sorry Malcolm but I already have a date." I said calling over my shoulder, just as I reached her desk.

"Oh hello Ms. Lennox, how can I help you." Mrs. Robertson said, sweetly.

"I'm here to see Mrs. Darina." I said, handing her the slip. "These are beautiful flowers." I then added. I stroked the petals slowly.

"I know...they are beautiful. They were here waiting for me when I returned from lunch." She said, passing the card toward me. "I'm not exactly sure who they are from but the card is so honest and sweet." She finished.

"Maybe you have a secret admirer." I said, as my eyes traveled over the card.

It was handwritten making the card all the personal. It gave it more depth and I felt as if I was reading something that was meant to only be between two people. The message was sincere and loving. I recognized handwriting but I wasn't quite sure from where.

"I don't think Mr. Robertson would be happy about that one." Mrs. Robertson said smiling.

I smiled back my mood heightening more. "I think she's ready for you." She said gesturing toward Mrs. Darina's office. "But before you go..." Mrs. Robertson plucked one of the roses out of the vase and handed it to me.

"Everyone deserves to be loved my dear.." Mrs. Robertson said.

I turned and began the short walk to Mrs. Darina's office. I twirled the rose in my hands and noticed a neatly tied turquoise ribbon on its stem...my favorite color.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

The fire in my belly had subsided once I reached Anatomy class. Although this day was an utter failure, it could have gone much worse. And on the bright side there were only 3 more days until the game against Cornwall...then after that I would most likely be out of Illyria and back home as my usual self. Paul, Kia, and Yvonne were putting together a video montage of my adventure as a male soccer player chasing my dream in hopes of playing college soccer. We plan on sending it to North Carolina after the last piece is added...the defeat of the Cornwall boys team. If that doesn't happen then this whole freaking escapade would have just been a waste. I had to get mentally focused...therefore I had to wash away any thoughts of Homecoming... and Olivia.

The washing didn't last very long because just as she entered the class with Danielle I felt the fire rise all over again. I wasn't mad at her ... I could never be. But I was mad that she had decided to accept that tool's invitation to the dance. Seriously just yesterday she talked about how she wanted to find a kind educated guy...and believe me Danny Mitchell was not that guy.

I had given the boys hell once I got back to the room after I discarded the gift. Hudson and Grant both said that Addison and Danielle had both told them not even 24 hours ago that Olivia didn't have a date yet. Duke, Toby, and Andrew wanted to go pound Danny for lying. He had told Andrew, who was in his English class, that he was going with some sophomore named Hannah. I really didn't understand how all this had really gone south. The boys had investigated for the past week, making sure nobody was asking her, except Malcolm of course. I mean everyone in the school assumed that Olivia and I were already going together and honestly I did too. Danny's lucky I found out about this after I already had class with him. He also escaped another untimely death by having a tennis tournament for the next 3 days in Florida.

I quieted my anger as Olivia sat down. I couldn't let her see _Sebastian_..or me sweat. Since of course I wasn't supposed to feel anything for her outside of friendship.

"So how did your test go?" She asked, leaning forward.

I could feel my face harden, a cold look taking over my soft features. But I couldn't lift the corners of my mouth to smile. "It went well." The steal in my voice almost made it unrecognizable. "Caroline helped me." I finished. I knew it was immature to lie but I couldn't help it. I knew she hated Caroline...and she knew I knew that.

Olivia's smile faltered and was replaced by a confused frown. "Oh." She said, her voice sounding like an echo. I watched as she lifted her anatomy book revealing one yellow rose. One of the yellow roses _I_ had bought for her...still attached was the turquoise ribbon I had added that I knew she would love.

But she wasn't supposed to have it...

Olivia noticed my wandering eye. "Mrs. Robertson gave me it." She said holding it up and admiring it. "It's my favorite."

I wanted to say I know but I held back. "Why?" I asked her.

"She said everyone deserves to be loved." She said , locking her gaze with mine.

"I guess she's right." I said, slowly. "It seems you and Danny are on the right path."

"Yeah I think so." She said, breaking eye contact and looking back down at the rose.

I was done with the conversation now. I was done with thinking about Danny and Olivia. I didn't come to Illyria to find her and take her out and be everything she wanted. I came to think, play, and live soccer...everything else was just worthless.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Sebastian didn't speak the rest of the class. Whenever I asked him a question he just shook his head or nodded. Sometimes he just stared off and ignored me altogether.

"Operation: Jealous Much" was supposed to trigger Sebastian to let down his guard, tell me there was an us, and then tell me to leave Danny, which no questions asked I would, and we would just be. But now it seemed to be having quite the opposite effect. Sebastian seemed to be drifting further away. He was casting flirtatious looks to other girls and texting others on his phone, which was completely unlike him.

His stand-offish attitude was beginning to bug me. So I just stopped speaking too. My happiness seemed to be escaping slowly and I was starting to feel foolish for thinking that there was ever going to be an us.

There was never going to be an us...there was just going to be me.


	13. Chapter 12

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 12:

* * *

><p>For the next 3 days I ate, slept, dreamt, and talked soccer. Everyone was constantly patting me on the back and pumping me up for the game. The boys were ready and so was I. Although at times I did get distracted.<p>

Olivia and I's relationship was sort of strained now. I knew I wasn't putting a lot of effort into it anymore because I was really trying not to care. But I did. It killed me to see how much of an asshole I was being to her...but I couldn't help it. The only way I could escape the feelings I was having was to push myself to not have them at all.

Coach Dinklage had been working us harder than ever. He told us that Cornwall was not just going to roll over...that this was the game of the season. I knew he was right. Justin was still constantly texting me , asking if I would go to the Illyria game and watch them thrash "Duke and his minions". I finally texted him back for the first time since I had began at Illyria, responding with a just two letters...No.

When the sun cascaded into Duke and I's room I knew that I was ready. Friday was here...the day that I had been waiting for. There was to be no classes today, it was somewhat of a celebration. Principal Gold felt that Homecoming was an essential part of the development of the young mind, so he required all students to attend both the game and the dance. But I wasn't going to be celebrating anything until I watched tears stream down my ex-boyfriend's face for the second year in a row.

Four hours later, I sat in the locker room the butterflies setting in. Carly Walsh, a cheerleader, was applying war paint to my face.

"You're going to do great out there." She said happily. I held onto that...since it only takes one person to believe in something for it to be great

Everything I had gone through had lead up to this point. Everyone I had met and befriended had gotten me here. This was it...this was why I came to Illyria.

Coach Dinklage didn't need to give us a pep talk. We were already pumped up enough. We arranged ourselves in a triangle formation, Duke at the tip, Toby and I flanking his sides. The confidence of my team permeated around us, creating a force that was so strong I felt it flow through me. I belonged here ... with these guys. They were my family...and you never turn your back on my family.

As we walked out together, my feet finally hitting the plush grass and the eruption of the crowd around me, my nervousness fell away. This was it...this was my future.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

The game had become a stalemate. Neither team was giving anything away easily. I was a nervous reck along with most of the Illyria crowd. It was tied 1 to 1 and I could hardly watch as Sebastian took a ferocious beating. I squeezed Addison's hand every time he hit the ground and the referee blew the whistle. But every time he got back up...looking stronger than before.

Although Sebastian and I were in a confusing place right now, I knew how much this game meant to him. The look of determination on his face showed just how much he wanted it...just how much he wanted his team to succeed. His heart and determination was such a turn-on and I really couldn't stop myself from yelling every time a call wasn't given our way.

The scoreboard clock showed only 5 minutes left in the game. Anxiousness took over the sea of red and black. The whole school was present, due to Principal Gold's rules, but everyone was just as enticed as I was.

Every single time we would take a shot on goal the Cornwall goalie miraculously saved it.

"I don't think I can watch anymore." Danielle said sitting down.

"Come on Dani, there's only 5 minutes left...you need to show your man your full support." Addison said, waving her pom pom in the air.

"Dani don't worry I'll give you a play by play." I said looking down at her.

Just as Danielle opened her mouth as if to say thank you the crowd around us erupted. I turned my head back to field to see Andrew dribbling the ball quickly down the sideline.

"I can't take it anymore." I barely heard Danielle say beside me as she jumped up.

Andrew just crossed the midfield line when he launched the ball across the field to Sebastian. I watched as Sebastian launched himself into the air, his chest out to receive the ball. He didn't notice the Cornwall player, who it looked like had launched himself toward Sebastian. They collided in the air just as the ball hit Sebastian's chest landing perfectly in front of where he would have landed.

Instead he was hit hard, the elbow of the Cornwall player connecting with his jaw. The forward momentum of Sebastian's attacker threw him sideways. Sebastian landed hard, the Cornwall boy landing on top of him.

The crowd erupted again this time in a fit of "Boo's" and "No's"...but I stayed silent. Sebastian's boys crowded around him, pulling the Cornwall boy violently off him. The referee blew his whistle loud and raised a red card. The Cornwall boy walked off the field, smiling to himself.

I felt bile rise in my throat and I had the sudden urge to run down their and knee the boy where it would hurt the most. The circle of red around Sebastian had grown. This wasn't like the other times...he wasn't getting up.

"Please get up...please get up." I thought silently. The crowd's cries died down slowly, each member of the red and black sea sitting down...except me.

"Get up Sebastian...come on just one more time.." I thought again.

The circle suddenly broke, and as if he had heard my thoughts Sebastian rose up slowly. He glanced up into the crowd and spotted me standing alone.

I couldn't help but smile, my heart racing faster than it ever had before. Sebastian smiled back and raised is right fist into the air. And with that I was no longer the only one on their feet. I was lost in the sea of red and black again but I felt as if I was the only one there.

"Oh my Jesus! "Operation: Jealous Much" just became "Operation: Obvious Much!" Addison shouted into my ear.

"He is so in love with you! I mean everyone in the whole damn stadium saw the way he looked at you as you stood here looking like his guardian angel." Addison shouted again.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. I turned my eyes back to the game just as Toby walked back to take a free kick. The referee blew his whistle and Toby kicked the ball perfectly past the last two defenders.

Sebastian was in a foot race to reach the ball. As he pulled away from the two defenders it seemed as if he put on a final burst of speed. The goalie ran out to meet the ball before Sebastian got to it, but he had underestimated Sebastian's quickness. Sebastian got to the ball just as the goalie tried to slide tackle him as a last resort. Sebastian jumped over the goalie, flicking the ball effortlessly with him as he did so. Suddenly, it was only Sebastian and the open net, and the game was over.

The red and black sea erupted and the scoreboard clock buzzed signaling the end of the game just as Sebastian was lifted into the air by his teammates. The Illyria crowd rushed out of the bleachers and I was carried with them.

It felt like we had just won the Super Bowl! Everyone was hugging, laughing, and chanting number 1. I spotted the Cornwall goalie crying and I laughed...how embarrassing.

Suddenly I was scooped into the air...the familiar scent filling my nostrils.

Sebastian twirled me around for what felt like forever. It seemed like the awkwardness of the past week was forgotten. We were back again...as happy as ever.

"Thank you." He said, sweetly. He looked delicious standing in front of me, with sweat lining his, what used to be, half red and black painted face.

"For what." I asked almost in a daze.

"For everything." He replied, hugging me again. "I better see you tonight." He said into my ear. Before I could even formulate an answer I was on the ground and he was lost within the crowd.

Wherever he wanted to be...I was going to be there.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I felt like I was in Heaven. The game against Cornwall had ended just like I had dreamed it would. And now I felt like everything had fallen into place.

Defeat of the Cornwall boys team. Check.

Spectacular final game for the video montage. Check.

Justin in a fit of tears after the game. Check.

Have my baby blue back. Check.

Happiness. Double check.

Yep. Everything was cool now. I felt good aside from the throbbing pain in the jaw, from the elbow I had received just before I scored the winning goal. Just after I had looked up to see _her_ standing there, smiling down at me like the gorgeous angel she was. Looking at me as if I was the only thing _she_ wanted...like nobody else mattered. Everything between _us_ just felt right now...and I was going to make it that way.

"Bastian man...drink up this is a victory party man! We are about take it all!" Andrew said, handing me a red cup.

"Maybe in a second alright?" I replied patting him on the back. I scanned the room in hopes that maybe she would miraculously appear in front of me.

"Sebastian come on, get in this game man...winner gets a free dinner tomorrow night." Duke said from behind me. He gestured to where all my friends were in a game of Fire and Smoke.

"Come on Sebastian!" Andrew and Toby said in unison.

"You ladies are on ! " I said laughing. The boys all cheered.

Just passing the time until I see her. Nothing a few drinks will change.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Addison, Danielle, and I finally arrived at Hudson's house. Luckily, he lived on what was about 10 acres so no police would be breaking this one up. I had promised myself and Eunice I was not going to drink, and I felt good about my decision. Everything today had gone great but my stomach was in knots in the anticipation of seeing Sebastian.

I knew something was going to happen between us...I felt it in my heart.

I walked in hand and hand with my two best friends and felt at home. It seemed like the whole student body was packed into Hudson's humungous mansion. Danielle was quickly pulled away by Grant so Addison just led me into the main area that was connected to the kitchen.

I spotted Sebastian in the middle of a group of people engrossed in an animated conversation. He looked perfect.

He was wearing tan colored jeans that fit him nicely, a white Illyria soccer shirt, and an old school Duke basketball letterman's jacket. He looked up just as I was finished looking him up and down. His face broke out into a smile and he pushed away from his group and came toward me. Addison pushed me in his direction just as Hudson found her.

"Hello beautiful." Sebastian said, his warm breath hitting my face.

"Hey." I replied, feeling the blush rise up and take over my face. He looked so adorable standing in front of me with that lopsided grin I loved. Although is jaw was slightly swollen he looked like a fierce warrior. My handsome gladiator.

He quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me into the mass of bodies dancing to what sounded like a mix of Brittney Spears and Gym Class Heroes.

He spun me around and I felt the bass of the music pump through me. We danced with each other for 4 sounds straight and I felt good. Although, I quickly became aware that Sebastian had not made the same promise I had tonight.

The dance mix changed to a slow song and everyone coupled up. My nerves came back as I wrapped my hands around Sebastian's neck and we swayed slowly. He wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and I never wanted to leave this position.

After what only seemed like a minute had passed, Sebastian pulled back slightly and stopped moving. He looked me in the eyes and smiled slowly.

"You know I've been thinking..." He said.

"About?" I asked, returning the smile.

"I've been thinking about you Liv...just you." He replied slowly.

I didn't know how to respond. Sebastian took my silence as a Que. to continue.

"I think-" He began but was cute off as his phone vibrated in his pocket.

He pulled it out and the brightness somewhat blinded him for a second and he turned the phone more towards me and I got a good look at the text message he had just received.

** From: Michelle**

_"Babe I miss you...Call me when you get home."_

My mood suddenly nosedived. Of course he was still with her...of course this wasn't going to work out right.

I hadn't even noticed that Sebastian had put his phone back into his pocket and was speaking again.

"...and I do want this Olivia...I do want this with you." I heard him say. But suddenly his alcohol-stained breath made me turn away.

I didn't say a word as I turned back to look up at him. "I just wanna..." He began again.

His face then began to come toward mine. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen...

I pushed him away, anger overshadowing my want for him. "You can't have it all Sebastian." I said, shakily. "Not like this."

I turned on my heels and walked through the mass of couples away from him.I wanted him to stop playing games with other girls. I wanted him to tell me he wanted to be with me when he was sober.

And I wanted him to stop making it hard for me to walk away...


	14. Chapter 13

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 13:

* * *

><p>Until this exact moment, sitting in Paul's salon getting ready for Homecoming, I didn't realize just how much guys have to do. I always thought only my end it was difficult. You know from the hair, to the nails, to the makeup, to getting your dress looking just right, and your shoes comfortable enough to walk in for at least 10 minutes. But now <em>being Sebastian<em> I feel sympathy for the guys. Where as I thoroughly enjoy getting ready as myself, right now I'm dragging.

"Stop moving your head Vi! You're the one who wanted me to cut this wig hair of yours." Paul said, pushing my head back to its straight position. "I know and I'm sorry. But I'm falling asleep here." I yawned.

Paul and Yvonne had woken me up at 9 to make sure I had everything ready for tonight. Everything of course had to match Kia's dress. From the corsage that was quite expensive if I might add, to my neatly pressed outfit compliments of Paul. My wig was another story though. The hair was always falling into my eyes and it was starting to get annoying.

"I say we just cut the real thing." Paul said a matter-a-factly.

"No!" I alarmingly exclaimed. "I'm only going to be at Ilyria for at the most 3 weeks."

"Well then keep your head up and straight." Paul quipped. I did as I was told and once he was finished it was going on 4.

The group was meeting at 5 at Lakeview Country Club to take pictures. Then we were going to dinner at 6:30 then off to the dance whenever we were finished. Fashionably late most likely.

"Alright!" Paul said, clapping two times. "Go in there and change...and make sure to sprits yourself with that nice cologne I purchased."

I walked slowly into the back room not even bothering to protest. My head was pounding slightly and I was what felt like forever I had finally finished putting on my ensemble along with the cologne and lotion set. Luckily, Paul had already taped down my boobs and wrapped them, since the dress shirt I was wearing was slightly tighter then most. But the cologne I must say smelled good...I definitely need to recommend it to Mitch...his Ralph Lauren Blue was going out of style. I thought slowly.

I then suddenly found myself thinking about Olivia. Everything that happened last night was completely unnecessary on my part. I had stupidly come onto her and then pretty much shoved another person who it probably looked like I was "dating" into her face. But what Olivia didn't know was that Michelle was actually Mitch. I of course had to change his name in my phone or else the guys would start to question Sebastian's manhood. But the whole situation with Olivia was beginning to confuse me..._the real me_...and I really didn't want to think about it right now.

I finally reached the main part of the salon and watched as Sebastian's date...well my date did a slow turn for a clapping Yvonne and Paul. Kia looked...for lack of a better word sexy. Her red dress hugged her curves in all the right places. It was definitely one of those dresses that if the right girl wore it every girl would want to be her and every guy would want to be with her. Kia was a sex kitten...it was funny to me to know she would be seen as my sex kitten for the night.

I hadn't even realized I had been gawking at her until she turned around.

"Well don't you just look handsome." Kia purred walking over. Yep definately a sex kitten.

"You two are really going to turn some heads." Yvonne managed to say while she laughed and snapped some pictures.

"Loosen up Vi! This is Homecoming not Prom...it's meant to be semi-formal, hence the no suit policy I have decided to live by when it comes to dances like these. Therefore you should be more comfortable." Paul piped, shaking me and squeezing in between Kia and I for another picture.

After 20 minutes of the mini photo shoot with the whole salon, Kia and I were on the way. We were going to be a little late but who's ever on time anyway nowadays.

I was surprised at just how fast my mood had shifted. I felt completely awake and happy. That's what friends do to you...true friends. Let's hope this feeling lasts me through the night...but something tells me it won't.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

The breeze carried my hair as all the parents gathered and snapped pictures outside the country club. Every couple had arrived except one...the one I had been waiting for ever since Danny and I had arrived promptly at 5 with most of the group.

It was going on 5:45 and Sebastian and his date, Kia, still weren't here.

But this was my last Homecoming at Ilyria. My last chance to make memories to look back on...so thinking about Sebastian was really not helping the process.

My mom pulled Danny and I away from the group and began snapping what seeming like hundreds of photos. Just when it was about to hit the thousands I heard the hollering from the boys that usually meant their main man was here..._he_ had finally arrived.

I turned around to finally face the boy who has stolen my heart but before my eyes could find _him_...they found her. Sebastian's date was tall and modelesk ... she had curves in all the right places and her gorgeous dress flaunted all of them. Her red dress stopped at the middle of her thigh and her black pumps made her legs look as if they went on for hours.

I was almost to busy staring to hear Dani voice in my ear, "I think that's one of his exes...I remember her from Cesarrio's."

If that was what he wanted in a girl he was right... I wasn't his type. In fact I was nowhere even near.

I finally demanded my eyes to move away from Kia and find what I had been searching for in the beginning. I found it easily.

Sebastian was comfortably laughing with Hudson and Toby. He looked good...so good. He was wearing black slacks that fit nicely, a reddish pink dress shirt, a thin red tie that matched Kia's dress perfectly, and black thin suspenders to complete his look. He looked so fashionable and fitted. Almost like he belonged in a catalogue of some sort. The way he stood with his hand in his pocket and his hair messy but sexy at the same time, made my heart do small little flips.

When his eyes met mine...my heart rate sky rocketed. I turned away before I got tied up in those eyes.

"Okay everybody, line up! " Hudson's mom called out.

We all lined up, and after about 15 minutes everyone decided to break off into smaller groups to take more pictures before we left.

"Livie come over here and get in this picture!" Addison called out to me.

After about 10 shots suddenly she yelled out again. "Sebastian...get over here and jump in please!"

My heart picked up speed and I gave Addison a confused look. I knew she was trying to fix the situation but seriously he was doing just fine where he was.

I kept my back to him while he approached and was only aware of his presence when Addison said okay signaling he had positioned himself on her other side. I plastered a fake smile on my face and after 2 shots I was done. I began to move away but Addison quickly grabbed my hand.

"No I want to get one with just you and Sebastian," she said, looking between the two of us. I shot Addison a glare and she just shrugged her shoulders and went to take the picture herself.

Sebastian moved into position on my side and placed his hand cooly on my waste, like this whole situation between us was nonexistent.

"Okay you too! Look over here..." Addison began.

"You look beautiful." Sebastian whispered into my ear. His hot breath made me tremble slightly and I didn't even notice that Addison had been snapping pictures.

"Okay how about let's get one with you two actually looking at the camera?" Addison called out with a slight giggle in her voice.

I turned my face away from his and slowly smiled.

"Beautiful you two!" Addison said scrolling through the pictures.

Sebastian turned to me as if to say something but I was saved by the bell.

"Alright kids limo's here!" Duke yelled.

I hadn't realized that we still were clinging to each other until Danny arrived and took my hand, leading me toward the door. I felt Sebastian's hand squeeze my side as if to hold on...but it was too late...I was already gone.

- - - -ZzZzzZzZz - - - -

The limo ride to the restaurant was pure and utter torture.

I had to sit there and watch as Danny the Douche fondled all over _my_ girl! Well not _my_ girl...but Sebastian's girl. Actually at this point I was even beginning to question that.

Although Olivia really didn't seem into it that much, it still just rubbed me the wrong way. The way he touched everywhere I had just a few weeks ago. The way he whispered into her ear and made her laugh lightly. It pissed me off...but now sitting at the large elegant table with one of my best friends next to me I felt slightly less PO'd.

Kia was slowly rubbing my leg under the table, trying to calm my tense stature. But I could tell by the looks the boys were giving me...they thought she might be doing other things. _I mean really at the dinner table thought?_

Everyone was chatting lightly and I was trying desperately not to look over at Olivia. Our eyes had met three times over the first course and now I had to mentally kick myself anytime I felt the urge to look at her.

"So Kia where do you go to school?" Danny suddenly asked from across the table.

This kid was really starting to annoy me...maybe he was just being friendly or whatever but seriously he can be friendly with someone else's date.

"What's it to you?" I said, leaning back in my chair and throwing my arm around Kia.

Olivia threw me an annoyed glance but I didn't care.

It wasn't my fault that all the boys had shot down Danny every single time he had tried to speak.

Well it was maybe my fault a little bit...but I wasn't the only one who thought the kid was an ignorant goof.

"Oh baby you're so protective. I love that about you." Kia said sweetly, she paused to nuzzle into the crook of my arm. "But he was just being friendly." Kia finished.

She leaned her body closer into mine and turned her head so it was only a few inches from my own.

"Well he can go make friends with someone else's girl." I replied, smiling.

I could tell everyone's eyes were on us...they were eating this up. Kia giggled and looked up at me expectantly.

We had gone over that look at the salon...it was the Que. I raised my eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes quickly then closed the short distance between us.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

My eyes were disobeying me.

Throughout dinner they had always found him, although I had told myself mutiply times to just stay focused on my own date like Sebastian was doing..._like he was doing right at this moment_.

They were attached at the mouth in a heated kiss. Jealousy surged through me but I couldn't look away. The laughter and chatter around me seemed to fade and all I could see was them.

All I could think about was how foolish I had been into thinking Sebastian and I would actually...**be**. I mean if he's willing to publicly show his affection for someone...obviously there's something there.

They slowly broke away and they both laughed and smiled at each other...as if sharing something nobody else would ever understand.

I finally turned away and tried to focus on whatever Danny was trying to explain to me. But before I knew it my eyes were back on the "happy couple". Kia was whispering something in Sebastian's ear. When she pulled away his face quickly turned a shade of pink. I had never seen him blush before and I found myself wishing I could have that affect on him.

"Is something wrong?" I heard Danny say from beside me.

It wasn't that I was ignoring him...my mind was just elsewhere. I realized I was being really inconsiderate since I was one of only 4 people who were actually talking to Danny.

Most of the boys at the table were either flat out ignoring him or just making him look foolish. I mean it wasn't like Danny was the most intelligent or likable guy but they just weren't cutting him break.

"No nothing is wrong...I'm sorry what were you saying?" I said putting on my best look of interest.

As Danny started up again my eyes fell on him again. I was trying so hard to be mad at him but as his eyes met mine I knew I couldn't get myself to be.

As the waiters brought out our next meal I finally could focus on something else. But I knew this was going to be a long dinner.

And not just because we were only on the second course.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

So far tonight has been hot and cold. After finally getting to the dance and finally just letting loose with my friends the night turned out to be pretty fun and not to mention hilarious. But the cold came from my uncertainty over a certain blonde.

Throughout the past few days it's has been especially awkward between us. Mostly this is my fault since I'm pretty much messing with her head and emotions and being the jerk she's been trying to avoid.

But my relationship with Olivia was confusing the hell out of..._me._

I know that what I said last night was true...but I didn't know who it was true for. Being Sebastian was easy...it was easy to distinguish my feelings for this girl while being a guy. But being myself...my normal self...Viola Hastings was a different matter entirely.

"You okay Vi?" Kia whispered in my ear as we swayed to Oasis's song, Wonderwall.

"Yeah, I'm fine just thinking that... I would really like some punch." I stammered.

Kia nodded her head looking worried and I slowly made my way to the punch bowl.

I wasn't going to burden her with my thoughts, Kia was keeping up her end of the plan and having a great time. I owed it to her to keep it that way.

As I approached I noticed the blonde there alone, pouring herself a cup. Before I even could register what was going on my mouth had already formulated the word hello.

Olivia looked up quickly and studied my face for a second before quietly replying, "Hi,"

The tension between us skyrocketed at that moment and I desperately wanted to break the silence. "

So this is pretty-" I began but Olivia cut me off.

"Can I ask you something?" She said looking me in the eyes.

I shifted my gaze away from hers and nodded my head. "Uh sure."

"I just want to know why you're being so rude to Danny, it's unlike you." She questioned.

I put my untouched punch down on the table and placed my hands in my pockets. I didn't really know why I was being so hostile...I mean I knew numerous guys like him and usually I was friendly. Hell, before today I was somewhat friendly with even Danny at points. I wasn't exactly sure what was different...but as my eyes settled on her blues I knew it had something to do with her.

"I mean what has he ever done to you Sebastian?" Olivia said moving closer so she wouldn't have to yell over the loud music.

Is she being serious? I mean really what did she see in this scum bag. I mean yeah he's really good looking but Olivia likes guys with substance and Danny had none.

I was unaware of the anger that was suddenly filling my collective will.

"He decided to come Olivia...with-" I began but Principal Gold's voice shirley cut off my sentence.

"Okay children settle down...because I am here to announce this years Homecoming King and Queen." Principal Gold began. Everyone in the gym cheered.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Olivia studying me...I know I was being an asshole tonight but I couldn't stand seeing him with her. She was supposed to be Sebastian's her..._my her._

"...So as I was saying children safe sexual habits will further your growth as individuals and maybe one day you can be here just like me." Principal Gold said. He paused maybe in his expectation of applause but when he got none he continued with an inward breath.

"Okay anyway...Your Homecoming Queen this year is none other than Ms. Olivia Lennox." The gym instantly became filled with hollers, whistles, and applause.

Olivia walked slowly onto the stage, the smile plastered on her face forced. I knew what she looked like when she smiled...when she _really_ smiled.

I watched as Mrs. Robertson placed the sash around Olivia's petite body and then the crown onto her head. She looked beautiful but I knew she wasn't happy...her eyes were confused and sad almost. And when she looked over toward the punch bowl I knew it was because of me.

"And for your Homecoming King ladies and gentlemen...Mr. Sebastian Hastings." Principal Gold called out.

Olivia broke our eye-contact and I was finally back into reality. The thunderous applause echoed throughout the gym. I hadn't even realized that I was walking or talking but suddenly I heard myself mutter the last "thanks" before I walked up the steps onto the stage.

"Congratulations Sebastian." Mrs. Robertson said as she placed the sash around me and the crown atop my head.

I looked out into the crowd and noticed my boys and Kia. They were all screaming and clapping furiously...they all looked genuinely happy.

"Okay now children please clear the dance floor so our King and Queen can share their first dance." Principal Gold said slowly.

I took a deep breath and walked down the steps. I turned and held out my hand for _her_.

_For the girl who was making me think twice about everything. _

_The girl who I was making confused and unhappy. _

_The girl who had developed into something much more than just my lab partner. _

When her cool hand finally slipped into mine and I led her out onto the middle of the circle of our classmates; I knew that something had changed inside me...something I was afraid of.


	15. Chapter 14

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 14:

* * *

><p>"Mr. DJ please spin the King and Queen's first dance song please." Principal Gold's voice was the only thing I heard as I wrapped my hands around the small waist of the girl who I have been putting through so much heartache. The murmurs and the sounds of the Illyria gym were still...I couldn't hear anything but my own thoughts reverberating throughout my mind.<p>

Why was I so jealous of anyone else being with _her_? Why did I want to verbalize all the pent up emotions I suddenly realized I had been hiding from _her_? What was this feeling in the pit of my stomach? This change I knew was bound to come but always avoided?

Every thought that entered my mind was about _her._ About Olivia. I wasn't sure if it was actually me...you know Viola...who was suddenly having these feelings. Feelings for the past 5 weeks I prayed to avoid. But honestly at this point I didn't care if it was the Sebastian side or the real me who was feeling this. I was done fighting myself...I was done not being able to express what I felt to the one person I knew I could trust at Illyria. I was done telling myself that none of this was real.

Suddenly I was brought back into reality as the lyrics of the song filled my ears.

_I'm open, you're closed_

_Where I follow, you'll go_

_And I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again..._

Everything had changed between us. And although I hadn't even realized how close we were as we swayed slowly to the music, I felt there was a gap between us. A gap I needed to close or I would lose this.

I held on tightly to her and I hadn't even realized how fast my heart was beating. She wasn't looking at me. Her face had a hard expression on it...one that had been present numerous times on her face whenever she saw me.

_And I worry I won't see your face, light up again. _How fitting...I

had inflicted hurt and confusion on this girl. One moment I was completely into her and the next I was frolicking around with someone else. The whole situation was even confusing me.

She finally looked up at me and the look in her eyes tore my heart into two. I couldn't do this to her. I couldn't act like she hadn't been right this whole time.

_I've found I'm scared to know_

_I'm always on your mind..._

I was afraid. I knew that I had never felt this way before and it terrified me. But looking it to those blue eyes I knew I was causing pain to someone I cared about more than I even knew. Whoever said you hurt those you love the most...was right.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme _

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_

_I somehow find,_

_You and I collide..._

Every single time I pushed these thoughts away I was plagued with them again. Every single time I tried to push her away...I pulled her back in. The doubt and wariness that kept me away from her before was suddenly non existent. I knew I had to tell her...I had to tell her that Sebastian Hastings did in fact feel the same way she did...

So I knew what I had to do. I knew this next minute and forty-two seconds was going to be the only time I could and would get this out and not shy away from it.

So I took a slight breath and threw a silent thank you to Howie Day for writing the song Collide. For writing the song that helped me finally grow some, no pun intended, and tell this amazing girl how I felt...or Sebastian...god whatever.

I put my face close to her ear and just let it flow, "Look Olivia I apologize for the way I've been acting towards Danny. I just never could stand the kid and seeing him here with you just didn't sit well with me. And -" I tried to continue but suddenly Olivia stopped my sentence.

"I just don't get you Sebastian, and I'm not going to do this with you...I'm not going to be pulled back in just to be dropped when you find another Kia or Michelle or whomever." She said, honesty filling her stern voice.

Before I could even protest she detached herself from me and walked away. I hadn't even noticed that other couples had joined us on the dance floor but as I watched her retreating back weave towards the exit I knew what I had to do.

I knew that if I let her walk away it would be me losing her. All of me. So I followed. And as I reached the doors, that Olivia just a few seconds before exited through, the last thing I heard before I followed suit was...

_F__inally find you and I collide..._

I prayed to God it would be true.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

"Olivia!"

I was walking quickly, trying to fight the tears that were beginning to sting the corners of my eyes.

"Olivia just wait up one second!" Sebastian shouted as he tried to catch up to me. His voice sounded distant...almost as if he wasn't just 50 feet from my retreating body.

Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Keep walking Olivia. Don't turn around.

"Liv please!"

I tried to will myself to keep moving but I had found myself in a stationary position. Sebastian's voice sounded so helpless...almost desperate and I couldn't turn away from that. And when I finally turned around and faced him, I saw etched on his face just how confused he was feeling. I saw just how difficult this was for him too...but I couldn't understand why.

I couldn't understand why he couldn't just express to me how he felt. Why he couldn't just tell me straight up if this was real between us or just some game. Why he couldn't just tell me he didn't want to lose our friendship and not have it only be after we hooked-up. I just wanted to hear the truth. He promised me that much.

"You didn't let me finish Liv I-" He began but I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say. This whole dynamic between us had always been solely based on his words and not mine. I followed his voice but now it's time I find my own.

"Before you get into that...I just want to know why?" I said as calmly as my shaky voice would allow.

"Why what?" Sebastian asked stepping closer so we were now an arms-length apart.

"Why you just didn't ask me first? Why all of the sudden now you're trying to pull me back just as someone else is pulling me in? Why you talk and mess around with other girls when your actions and your words always lead you back to me?" I finished finally looking up into his green eyes.

Sebastian sighed and looked down slightly before looking back up at me. "I was going to ask you...but it just sort of fell through."

He was going to ask me? "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Everything was for you Liv...the yellow roses, the note , the turquoise ribbons..Everything was for you." He said almost shyly.

At first I didn't quite comprehend but then it hit me. Mrs. Robertson's roses, my favorite kind, tied with me favorite color ribbon. The words on the card with the handwriting I couldn't quite place. But they weren't just words...they were lyrics. All of the questions in the beginning, Sebastian's jealous reaction after I told him I was going with Danny, and not to mention his cold nature after he saw the rose. The rose he no longer wanted me to have. It all made sense now. I couldn't formulate words to say because none would suffice for my feeling of stupidity, so Sebastian began to speak instead.

"I know this has been confusing for you Olivia, and honestly I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything that has happened in the past but I can't change it. I can't change the decisions I've made but I can change those I'm going to. And every single time I try to push myself to believe that I have no feelings for you I find myself in positions like this trying to find the words to say that I do." Sebastian took a pause to push his hands into his pockets. "And I can't stand seeing you with that jerk. I can't stand to see him with something I want but I'm afraid to take. I don't want to lose you Olivia and can't"

The honestly that filled my ears left me dumbfounded. This was what I had been waiting to hear although a somewhat twisted version. What I had been praying and wishing for, for the past 3 weeks. But it seemed he was hiding something important from me...something I knew I wouldn't understand unless he opened up himself.

But this was that time in all the teen movies where the girl jumps into the guys arms and they live happily ever after. A lot had changed in me. I wanted desperately to believe him. The sincerity in his words was evident. But I have learned from past experiences with not only him but others that words never can overshadow actions. Sebastian's actions have shown me that this will never work. There is always going to be someone or something holding us back. And the hurt and confusion I was growing through was making me angry and reclusive. And now standing in front of the guy I was falling in love with...I couldn't get myself to be the girl in the movies.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear that Sebastian" I began. "But you can't just have me now that I'm out of reach...I'm not gonna be your back up when you no longer have these other girls. I'm-"

"There is no one else Olivia." Sebastian interrupted.

"There's no one else? So Kia and Michelle are just nobodies? Just girls you fill your space with because it's needed. Don't be such a jerk Sebastian."

"You're going to call me a jerk when you decided to come with Danny out of everyone in the whole damn school!" He exclaimed. I could tell he was getting angry...but this was beginning to get me irritated.

"This isn't about him Sebastian! " I almost yelled. "You expect me to just fall all over you now that you told me that I matter to you, but for the past 3 weeks it seems like it's so touch and go with you that at this point I've been lying to myself. And tonight to finally hear those words from you is so hard to believe." I said shakily.

"I-" Sebastian began.

"Don't." I cut him off. "I'm not going to be the other option. You're stringing everyone along and I'm done being caught in it. You have to decide Sebastian." I said.

"I have decided Olivia! That's why I'm standing here!" He exclaimed.

"You haven't...because I can see it in your eyes. I can see that there is something your not telling me...something you know is important." I said. And when he looked away I knew I was right.

"Sebastian?" The voice came from down the hall by the door back into the gym. I looked over his shoulder to see it was Kia.

"I guess you have a date to attend to." I said.

And with that I turned away and walked out into the cold air.

The chill wind could not stop the tears that burned my eyes as I began my walk home.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Walking back into the dance something inside me was screaming. In some form I had told Olivia how I felt...but not fully. I had avoided telling her the truth...the truth about everything. And watching her walk away from me for the 3rd time shattered the heart that was already breaking. Everything was so fucked up now. The one relationship I wanted the most...the one I thought would be there until the end...was the one I was fighting to keep afloat.

I hadn't realized that I had walked away and lost Kia, or that I was pissed off beyond repair. I had never felt this way before. I had never felt so incomplete into where I was angry. I needed her...and listening to her made me realize that she was right. I tried to push my feelings onto her through my words when she had no notion to believe them since all my actions showed differently. I was losing every bit of her.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when a hand touched my shoulder. I turned and came face to face with Danny the douche himself.

"Hey man uh what happened to Olivia?" He asked looking around in the process.

"She left." I replied slowly. I wasn't in the mood and him being around me was causing my anger and frustration levels to boil.

"Well I got it in while it lasted." Danny said laughing.

"What did you say?" I asked, not even bothering to hide the slither mixed in my voice.

"I mean well you had the golden ticket man and lost it...then I found it." Danny piped turning his head toward me. "I mean you really fucked up...who would ever in their right mind turn down an a-"

I didn't let him finish. Before I knew what was even happened my fist was connecting with Danny's face. He was on the ground and I found that the anger and frustration I had piled on myself I was now focusing on him. I hit him again and then went in for another but suddenly 4 large hands were around me and I was brought back into reality.

"Woah there Rocky!" Duke said. "That was a mean right hook you threw him."

I was lifted off of Danny and pulled a few feet away from his bloodied face. My mind was reeling. I looked up into the faces of my friends but I could only see there mouths moving no sound coming out. Then just as quickly as I had slammed Danny my ears started working again.

"Sebastian man can you hear me? What has gotten into you? I thought you always said you were a lover not a fighter." Andrew said.

I suddenly found my voice and it was almost unrecognizable. "He deserved it."

"Ha yeah he did! But it's going to cost Daddy some money to get that nose fixed though." Andrew piped, glancing back to where Mr. Felton, one of the gym teachers, was helping Danny up.

I was pissed beyond belief now but letting out some of it was slightly better. I had never really punched anyone before...and although my hand felt like it was going to break off it was slightly refreshing to know I was fighting for my girl. But just like that I felt deflated. I had messed it up with her...with everything. I tuned out the crowd that had gathered around us as we walked out of the gym. Andrew had gathered everyone early to head over to the after party in our common room.

When we finally reached my dorm I was miserable. I knew I was afraid. I was afraid of coming to terms with these feelings. I was afraid of making the decision to let myself love her. I was afraid to tell her how I felt in fear of rejection. I was a afraid of rejection. And by me being afraid I hadn't done the one thing I had prepared myself to do all night. By being afraid I had blown my chances of success. I had shied away from courage. So this was me now...a coward.

And for the rest of the night I sat on the couch facing the door...hoping she might walk through.


	16. Chapter 15

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 15:

* * *

><p>This was the beginning of my third day without more than 4 hours of sleep. This was the beginning of my third day of utter confusion. This was the beginning of my third day of Olivia not talking to me...<p>

I had laid awake for the past two days just as I was now thinking of just what the hell I was going to do. I was in so deep I could barely keep my head above the water. I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts... my own fight against myself.

I turned my head to check the clock. **3:14** . Seriously only 2 minutes had passed since I last checked? Damnit now 4 more hours of lying awake thinking about how royally messed up I am.

I had ruined something important to me. It was now hanging above me by a thin thread. She left it up to me now. Repair the broken strings or let the whole thing fall. For 3 days now this is what I thought about. Every day I saw her I couldn't escape the feelings that bubbled up. But it wasn't that I couldn't choose. It was just that I had to.

It wasn't that I had to choose whether to be with Olivia or not. I had to choose who was to be with her. I was so confused. I couldn't decipher my feelings from the feelings I had while I was _being Sebastian_. It was like one in the same now. I was in dyer needed assistance.

So I grabbed my phone and walked out of my room quietly making sure not to wake up Duke and headed to the bathroom. The hall was quiet and when I got to the boys' room I locked the door behind me and turned on one of the showers just in case. I know paranoid but whatever.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about this stuff going on in my head. I was beginning to go crazy. So I called the only person I knew who would help me through this.

He picked up on the last ring. "Hello." Paul said groggily.

"Paul thank goodness you answered I'm going crazy over here!" I replied.

"Viola it's 3 in the morning this better be good."

"I-I'm sorry I just really needed someone to talk to."

Paul sighed before replying. "Alright Vi. What's bugging you?"

"Well... how does one start this?" I started, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Is this about Olivia?"

"How did you know?" I questioned surprised.

"Vi you think you can keep secrets from me? Kia told us the whole low down of the dance. How Olivia was sending her death glares and you two were staring at each other longingly and how at the end of the night you waited but she never came. The whole deal."

"Wow well since you already know I guess I can skip the whole lead up part then." I said walking over to the shower seat and plopping myself down, not caring that my pajamas were going to get wet.

Paul waited. Not saying a word. So I began...

I told him everything. How Olivia and I came to be. How I was utterly confused about where we were going to end up. How I didn't know if I truly had feelings for her. How I was lying to her and messing up everything. How Mitch was still important to me but so was she. And lastly I told my best friend how through this whole being Sebastian ordeal I had lost myself.

"- I really just don't know where to go from here Paul. She's not talking to me...and I haven't slept in 3 days." I finally finished.

Paul took a deep breath and I could tell he was fully awake now. "Look Vi I have just a simple answer for this...you just have to tell her. You're hurting not only her but yourself by not." He took a pause then continued. "And think about it...by telling her you're laying all your cards down. You'll finally be able to acknowledge your true feelings for her. Then you just have to make the decision Vi. Whether you want to keep being Sebastian or you wanna go back to being you."

I hated to admit it but Paul was right. Everything had gotten so twisted and I had lost sight of what was really going on. I had lost sight of my identity. I was fighting myself constantly. It was in my hands now. It was my choice. But I felt like this was something much bigger. Sitting there in the cold shower as my pajamas got wet I remembered a quote my English teacher from Cornwall had said.

"Love is not a feeling. It's a decision."

I never understood it before. I honestly thought it was complete bullshit. But now I knew her words held truth. I mean think about it...if love was just a feeling...like happiness, sadness, anger, guilt...it wouldn't be so special. The feelings I was having for her weren't love I knew that much but they were feelings that if cared for correctly could turn into something much greater.

Yeah I had feelings for her beyond my beliefs but that didn't mean I was in love with her. I can't use my feelings to justify my actions and say it's because I love her.

My teacher was right love is a decision. It's a decision one makes everyday to commit to someone. To say every single day that they are enough... that you are going to always be fully committed to them in all aspects of life. Love is something much bigger than anything I had imagined. It's special. That's why songwriters always preach for the unattainable because what people don't understand is that it's up to them. You choose who you love. It's a scary thought but it's reality. I had chosen for the last week to not love her. To not accept that I ,whoever I was , wanted to be committed to her. Because I was afraid.

She had already chosen. Now it's in my hands. The feelings I have toward her I know are real. But I can't say they are love. I know what it is now and I want to give it to her.

So as I got up out of the shower, my pajamas wet and my body cold...I finally knew that this was it.

I had to tell her.

I had to tell her the truth...the whole truth...to save us both.

_- - - - _ZzZzZzZ_ - - - -_

For three days now I have yet to say a word to him. I left all the chips on his plate. I gave myself fully to him...to Sebastian. I had chosen already. I had chosen for it to always be him. Now he had to choose.

But not talking to him or even acknowledging his presence for the last 3 days has made me see just how much I've I missed him. Even though our relationship had been strained for the week it wasn't like this. There was tension between us now. Something bigger than us loomed over our heads...I just didn't know what.

Sebastian had promised me. He had promised to always be honest with me. He had promised to be that guy that I always dreamed about. The loyal honest one who would pull me out of the darkest and deepest holes. He had already changed my life so thoroughly that I'm not even sure where I would be if I hadn't bumped into him outside of Principal Gold's office.

I would most likely not be feeling like shit. Most likely not having anxiety attacks or feelings of utter stupidity for falling for a guy as complex as Sebastian.

Complex was the correct word indeed. Addison had called him that when I had told her the whole deal after I left the Homecoming Dance. She had skipped the party along with Danielle to come and find me and they both almost went back to kick Sebastian's "face so far in that it would be a miracle if I even found him remotely attractive after" as were Addison's exact wording.

They had asked why I even put up with everything with him. Why I would put myself into this confusing situation. Why I couldn't just go the easy route with Danny and stay away from the complexity of Sebastian Hastings.

I wondered that too, but then I found the answer quickly. Love isn't easy. It will never be and it shouldn't be.

I had changed so much in these past months that I find it astonishing. I have realized so many things about myself that I never knew existed. That I would be too scared to come to terms with if it hadn't been for him.

I knew he was hurting a lot more than I was at this point. I was feeling a lot better actually. To finally have put myself fully out there was refreshing. And although I hadn't talked to him in three days I knew he was debating what to do in this situation.

He had told me his feelings but something just didn't seem right. When I looked at him in Anatomy or in the Cafeteria his face was contorted in an odd way. Like he was trying to solve a complicated puzzle in his head before doing it with the actual pieces.

Okay Olivia it's time to stop focusing your thoughts on him. I thought to myself slowly.

My body obeyed my brain and I began to occupy myself with the Calculus homework I hadn't done in the past 3 days. Just as I was finishing the first problem my phone buzzed.

** From: Sebastian **

_"Hey Liv, can you meet me at the old snack bar down by the soccer field at 6?"_

My breath caught in my throat. This was it...the moment of truth. The old snack bar was a secluded area covered by new formed bleachers to accommodate the visitors' section. Why would he want to me there? The answer to that question would only come if I decided to attend. So I held my breath as I quickly responded.

**To: Sebastian**

_"Sure."_

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

_Being_ _Sebastian_ was beginning to take a toll on me. I was constantly lying to every single person I came into contact with. Even the girl I promised I would never lie to, who I knew had fallen in love with someone who wasn't even real.

I knew I couldn't keep doing it to her. I couldn't just let her fall for Sebastian Hastings when in only a matter of 2 weeks I would be back at Cornwall being my normal self with Mitchell and the rest of my friends. I knew I couldn't really save my relationships with anyone except her. She would be the only one to understand but I know I could lose her in the process. Paul was right this was it...I couldn't keep living this way in front of someone I deeply cared about. Olivia was important to Sebastian but also important to _me_... Viola. And I knew that I needed to tell her the truth or it would tear me apart, since with each passing day I know it was hurting her.

So that's why I asked her to meet me here, under the old snack shack sign that was behind the away bleachers. I knew I couldn't tell her the truth anywhere but in this secluded spot. I still had my practice uniform on because I knew that after soccer would be the best time to tell her since I was somewhat calm and unafraid. I took a few deep breaths and racked my brain for what I was going to say to her.

"Hey." her soft voice said as the sun began to set behind her. I hadn't even heard her approach me. Suddenly my heart began to beat ten fold and I wanted to just run as far away from her as I could but I had committed to doing this. I had to do this for her.

"Hey uh thanks for meeting me here." I said pushing my hands into my short pockets.

"Yeah...sooo?" she said sitting down on the bench next to me.

"So...I just want you to know somethings." I began. I took a quick breath knowing that I couldn't back out now.

"When I came to Illyria Olivia, I only came for one reason. That was to play soccer...I didn't expect to meet the people I met. I thought it was going to be easy and I would be able to do this with no strings attached...but I was wrong." I started glancing at her worrisome face.

"I met people like Eunice, like Duke, Andrew, Toby, and then I met you...I could talk to you and be myself and you made me feel like what I was doing was right...that my dream was the right one. But...then it started to get real...you started to have feelings that you can't have and I developed feelings I was afraid to face."

"Sebastian I don't understand." Olivia said looking at me intensely.

"Look just let me finish..." I said, sweat beginning to pool in my hands. "You can't have these feelings because I'm not who you think I am. I'm not the guy you want to be with because there is alot you dont know about me Olivia. And I know that if this continues I'm just going to hurt you more than I already have...and I never want to do that." I finished hoping she understood something I was saying.

"Sebastian I know I'm not your type or whatever but are you seriously telling me you don't feel anything for me...that all our time together has alluded to nothing but friendship?" She said to me with serious eyes. That was when I knew I couldnt do this without hurting her...there was nothing I could say that would make what I was trying to tell her okay.

"Olivia I really do like you...but I can't like you the way you like me. I-I just can't. Because _being Sebastian Hastings_ isn't who I am at all." I said standing up and looking as confusion filled her face.

"Sebastian I really don't-" She started but I quickly cut her off.

"Listen to me...I want you to know that I'm about to tell you something I haven't told anyone. I want you to know that I didn't intend to hurt you and this is a secret you have to keep because youre the only one I can trust. " I said bending in front of her.

Olivia just nodded her head, confusion etched across her face.

"My name isn't Sebastian, Olivia." I began knowing full well that I had to show her for her to believe what I was saying. So before she could reply I stood up and I slipped Sebastian's wig off and let my hair cascade down my back.

The look on Olivia's face showed me full well that the damage was done. Her stark white complexion and glazed eyes literally burned my whole body.

I knew I was losing her with every passing second so I quickly began to speak.

"My name is Viola Hastings...and when the Cornwall girls' team was cut I was desperate. My twin brother was enrolled at Illyria but was in London with his band. So I took his place and pretended to be him so I could play soccer...kill the Cornwall boys team...and show them that girls are just as good as boys...I never meant for it to go this far...and I am soo soo sorry for lying to you." I quickly finished completely out of breath.

Olivia hadn't moved since I had let my hair free and she was slowly beginning to shake.

"Olivia..." I began but I couldnt even finish because she quickly stood up and raised a shaking hand and collided it with my cheek.

"You promised..." she whispered. Tears rolled down her face and she turned abruptly, running away from the monster I had created.


	17. Chapter 16

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 16:

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><p>Tears blurred my vision and the continuous pounding in my chest made it hard to breathe...but I continued to run.<p>

I was running from him...well now undoubtedly her. Running from the realization that the guy I had been yearning for and fantasizing about for the past month and a half was actually not a guy at all. Running from the person I was so sure I was in love with, the guy I was willing to give my all to; willing to give my whole-hearted self to...something I'm sure that I have never done before. And now look where I was... still constantly running...

Just as quickly as I met Sebastian...he was gone. Replaced by someone who was always there...a shadow that always lingered but went unnoticed. _Viola._

My mind was reeling and I knew for sure I was having a panic attack. Short fragments of thoughts popped in and out of my head...my heavy steps seemed to echo as I ran, providing background music for the uneasy thoughts that racked my brain.

_I'm in love with a girl? _

_What? _

_No! _

_What the hell? _

_How could I have not have noticed? _

_I'm so freakin stupid! _

It all made perfect sense now, and as my mind processed this I found it unmistakably obvious. The feminine features, the constant slip-ups whenever we spoke about fashion, the uncomfortable look plastered on her face whenever numerous girls hung onto her like coats on a coat rack. But those were just the surface things. Things easily detected by anyone who chose to look close enough at all Sebastian's movements and mannerisms.

But **I** knew Sebastian better than anyone here at Illyria. I knew that for sure. We spent countless hours together and now that I thought back to it...the hours I spent with Sebastian were actually hours I spent with Viola. But my own love struck naive teenage heart prevented me from even detecting the slightest hint that Sebastian wasn't who he said he was at all.

And of course I would fall in love with Viola. Of course I would fall in love with someone who had just in one month's time become one of my best friends. I know numerous people who are in love with their best friend...no matter the gender. Your best friend knows you inside and out and still cares for you, they know what makes you laugh and what makes you cry, they are pretty much apart of your family providing endless amounts of comfort and...love. Isn't that what every human wants to find in their significant other? That's what I tried to find in all my relationships with my past boyfriends. But obviously I failed miserably...and this time I really thought it would be different. With him I knew it would be different.

Sebastian or Viola whatever... had become that person. My best friend who just understood me so thoroughly that it was as if we were already fused together as one. But everything was now torn and scattered. And I didn't know what to do.

_Just stop._

Suddenly my feet halted and I opened my eyes, gasping for air. I was suddenly short or breath and doubled over as my body convulsed and I dry heaved. After a few moments I finally regained my stature and I looked around to finally take my surroundings. I was by the underclassmen girl's dorm, which was at least a good 2 miles from the soccer field.

I sat down slowly, my body suddenly fatigued and slow. I realized I was still crying, silent tears of nothing but confusion and sadness...I found not an ounce of anger.

I took a few deep breaths and cleared my mind for just a few seconds. Letting the cool breeze and the chattering of young girls fill my ears.

But I couldn't run away from my thoughts. My moment of peace was gone and the situation at hand presented itself again.

To my surprise I wasn't angry at Viola. My tears were not of anger or resentment and I was grateful for that. I couldn't blame Viola for following her dreams...or for the feelings I had for Sebastian. This whole reveal really just left me in a void of confusion.

I mean I know I'm not a lesbian. At least I'm pretty sure. I've never been attracted to another girl in my life. But then again I've never been attracted to a guy who really turned out to be a girl. I honestly was at a lost what to think about myself. I knew this didn't make me gay, being that I was in love with Sebastian...but the rain cloud over the whole ordeal was that Sebastian was and is Viola.

I decided to figure that whole thing out later. So I tuned my focus to how exactly I was feeling.

I searched deep within myself to find that I was really only hurt by one thing. I was hurt by the fact that Viola made a promise to me; to be honest and loyal in the face of any drawback. But she broke it...whoever she was...or whoever she was to be, my trust in her was severed. This was that something I knew she was leaving out when we spoke at Homecoming. It was that thing that loomed over our heads preventing us from pushing our friendship into something more. And now I finally understood why...but that light of hope...the promise Sebastian made to me...had now diminished and that was what hurt the most.

This was something I know if I known about I could have avoided all the heartbreak that ensued. And now I'm faced with the problem of shutting off and turning away from my feelings. Shying away from my heart.

But honestly I didn't want to...and that's what scared me.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

So this was it. That moment when time stops and you come to the sudden realization that that thing you have feared and avoided has come true.

I had lost her. I watched her slip away from me slowly, as if she was sand from the beach I try to take home in my hand. My head was pounding. I wasn't sure if it was because of this moment or the fact that Olivia had just slapped me.

I was in a daze, unmoving standing in the exact same spot. My mind at a blank of what I should do now...I had told her, she had reacted as expected, and now I felt worse than before. Although Paul was right and I did feel a weight be pulled off my shoulders after finally telling someone, I felt like another replaced it that was double its size.

Obviously things don't go as planned. In my head at this moment I would be having an epiphany about who it was I this moment I would act purely on instinct and feeling and get what I needed. But none of that happened. I hadn't moved since she left and I was still trying to decipher the mass within my head.

I feel like shit. And it dawned on me that I had become one of those people who bring people into their life just to kick them out of it. I had done this to Olivia. I had been that guy for her, knowing full well that in the end it would crush her. I was so selfish...

I had hurt her. I never intended to but I did. I didn't know what to do now. I should just give her space...time to sort everything out. But then what would happen? Nothing was going to be the same between us...we could never go back and be who we were when we first met, because I wasn't me when I had first met her...well I was me being my brother but god whatever!

What was I going to do? I know Olivia would never tell but she may just not talk to me ever again too. The possibilities were endless I just hoped she understood.

I still hadn't moved and when I turned my head I felt sharp pain throughout my body as if small needles were piercing my skin simultaneously. My heartbeats felt empty as I tried to lift the stiffness in my body.

My movements were robotic as I sat down on the rustic bench next to the old snack bar below the away bleachers. My hands moving to my face slowly, allowing me for the first time in a few months, to cry.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

The minutes turned into hours and soon I found myself safely stowed away in the bed of my dorm room. Addison slept quietly in the bed next to me while I stared blankly at the ceiling.

I couldn't sleep, obviously.

Every time I closed my eyes I would see Viola. I would see the desperate look on her face as she revealed to me who she really was just 8 hours ago. Although sweat and dirt lined her features it would be a lie for me to say she wasn't beautiful. I was right on the money when I called Sebastian's good looks elegant and almost beautiful. I said almost because I didn't want to put a feminine characteristic on a masculine thing. But I was right...who knew?

I turned over slowly in my bed and took a deep breath. There was no denying the feelings that were still present. They shook and rattled my insides every time I though about seeing her in the morning, like every other morning dressed back up as Sebastian. _My Sebastian_...

I closed my eyes for what seemed like the millionth time and tried to shut off all thoughts of _her_. In reality it should be easy now for me to get over Sebastian, since he wasn't exactly the _guy_ I was looking for, however I found myself in exactly the same position. Lying awake, sleeplessly wondering if she was doing the same thing.

In the 8 hours since we had spoken, I had already forgiven her. I didn't know why it was so easy to do so...it just was. It was as if somebody was whispering to me that she was worth it. That sitting around mopping and holding a grudge against her was just wasting the time I had with her. For God's sakes she was my best friend.

I had already done enough mopping and feeling sorry for myself in my life. And although I couldn't exactly will myself to fully trust Viola like before, I wouldn't dare break the trust I know she bestowed upon me.

I wouldn't tell her secret, I knew that for sure. I mean what would be the point? I still cared about her, and it wasn't in my nature to be vengeful just because I had fallen in love with someone who wasn't who they said they were.

I sat up slowly and looked around my room. My sore eyes strained to adjust to the darkness. Due to the almost endless amount of tears that had poured from my eyes in the past hours, I was surprised I wasn't tired, because my eyes definitely told another story.

I really couldn't believe I didn't see it. I was stupidly blinded by my feelings to see what was right in front of me. I mean I'm actually surprised that no one else has even noticed. Aside from the awkwardly boyish walk Viola impersonates, and the unnaturally high male voice she sports, she really didn't seem like a typical guy. I guess that's why I had fallen so hard. We connected...we spoke about things guys would find boring and useless. Plus I think Viola was being the guy she saw was needed. The guy she always wanted and the one so many other girls like myself did too. Essentially she was just a girl in a boy's body, teaching every guy at Illyria what exactly it took to get the girl. And it had worked.

Every single one of "Sebastian's boys" had someone now. Someone to call their own. All they did was follow his lead and mimic his smooth words. Now I really wasn't surprised at how many girls had thrown themselves at Viola. Sebastian was the perfect guy: good-looking, understanding, kind, sweet, athletic, charming, funny, comforting...really the list was endless. She was the guy who every girl wanted...me included.

I laughed out loud and shook my head. I had been so foolish.

"Liv go to sleep." Addison groggily said. My roommate and best friend had sat up with me while I cried helplessly. I had yet to tell her why and I wasn't going to, but she didn't even care. And I loved her for that, she was the epitome of a best friend.

"Sorry...I am." I whispered as I laid back. I laughed again then snuggled deeper into my sheets seeking warmth and comfort.

I closed my eyes and I didn't open them until my alarm clock howled at 6:30.

Unconsciously dreaming about what it would be like to be with her...my Mr. Perfect.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I walked through the Einstein Science building with a purpose. I scanned the hallways and corridors looking for her...technically her dressed as him but you get the picture.

There were exactly ten minutes before Anatomy class was to begin and I needed to squash this. I was fairly certain that Viola most likely was giving me space (i.e. time to decide whether or not I was even going to speak to her again). Well I had decided and I didn't need anymore space.

This morning I had awoken from my dream with goosebumps plaguing my skin. In just a matter of minutes I had decided that I was going to make the first move, be the one to let her know that I accepted her apology and to propose we just continue being friends like we had before. I was going to tell her that now that this was all out, I understood why she couldn't have the feelings I desperately wanted Sebastian to have for me. Although I was still confused in the category of _Viola's_ feelings for _me_...that was just how it was going to go. I had told myself that she was probably just confused, since she of course was acting like a guy, so now that she didn't exactly have to be that way with me anymore she was just going to be her normal self.

So I scanned the crowd again. Determined. Most people were coming from lunch being that all upperclassman had study hall before their science or elective. And being that I didn't find her sitting at our usual table during study hall, probably "giving me space", I needed to find her right now; before we were plunged into the awkwardness of Anatomy. Since we were no longer lab partners it would just make it worse.

"Liv what are you doing, why are you standing on the chair?" Danielle's sweet voice piped.

"I'm looking for he-" I stopped myself before the last letter came out. "I'm looking for Sebastian." I finished taking a deep breath.

"Well Liv...maybe if you were facing the right way you would see him." Dani said with a laugh.

I whipped around almost losing my footing on the leather seat and spotted her. Looking just as handsome in her Sebastian garb as ever.

She was surrounded by some of the Ilyria cheerleaders, one of them being Chloe Kentner. Who hadn't exactly forgiven me for taking Sebastian away at that one party where we had first kissed. I became suddenly annoyed as she along with Haley Joslin hung onto Viola's every word.

I watched Viola's face closely. Although she was smiling lightly her eyes were distant and sad. I stared for a while still standing on the chair, when finally she looked up. Surprise etched across her features and I managed to smile weakly.

I pointed over to the secluded corridor in between the water fountain and the C wing containing rooms filled with underclassman. She looked confused at first then nodded slowly. I made my way over ignoring the initial conversation starters thrown my way, that is until I came face to face with Danny the Douche. I cursed myself silently for calling him the nickname most of the boys as well as my friends called him.

"Hey Olivia, what's up?" Danny asked, blocking my way to the corridor just as I saw Sebastian enter. I finally looked up at Danny and was surprised to find the left side of his face bruised and his nose being held together with one of the makeshift splints.

I hadn't seen Danny since Homecoming night, since he was somewhere in Europe for Tennis Nationals. He must have gotten hit with the ball or something in his nose...but the bruise that lined his eye looked like it was a healing black eye, and I'm pretty sure a tennis ball couldn't inflict that much damage.

"Umm hey Danny, I'll catch up with you later alright?" I didn't wait for him to reply before I pushed past him. I didn't have time to ask him what happened to his face and really I didn't care all that much.

But before I could get out of ear shot I could have sworn I heard Andrew's voice snicker and say, "Sebastian sure did a number on that pretty face didn't he Danny boy?"

Sebastian did that? No wait Viola did that? Wow that's definitely not what I was expecting. Why would Viola punch Danny? Obviously it was during Homecoming, most likely after I left but -

My thoughts were caught off as I collided into Viola's back.

"Woah." I heard myself say, as I felt two hands steady me.

"I'm really sorry." I breathed as I finally pulled myself together and looked up at Viola.

She smiled weakly and I could easily see the hurt and desperation that lined Viola's green eyes. "It's alright...don't worry about it." She said. I realized she was talking in her normal voice. It was soft and quirky at the same only time I heard it was when she was telling me who she really was.

I watched Viola fidget then push her hands into her pant pockets. She took a deep breath then looked down at her feet. "Olivia I'm really sorry." She stammered.

"I know...and I forgive you." I said simply.

Viola looked up at me with that same surprised look on her face I suddenly found irresitably cute.

"You do?" She asked still in shock.

"Yeah. Look I know that how I reacted most likely didn't give you the impression that I would even be talking to you right now...but honestly whoever you are I know one thing for sure and that's that you're still my best friend. And I don't want to lose you because I really do care, and I know you do too." I answered calmly. "Oh and I'm sorry for slapping you." I added shyly.

"I-I..." Viola began, absentmindedly running her fingers along the cheek I had hit. "I wasn't expecting that." She said. "That's a lot better than what I was expecting." She finished with a smile.

I laughed lightly. "Well I could never be mad at Sebastian for long, you should know that." I pointed out.

Viola laughed, that goofy smile that I had grown to adore plastered on her face. She opened her mouth to reply but didn't get the chance to.

"Hey Sebastian." Zoe Sumner, another cheerleader, chirped.

"Uh hi Zoe." Viola replied, with a small smile. Zoe then trained her eyes on me, smiled and continued walking.

I turned my gaze back to Viola and she stared back, a comfortable smile forming between us. The air between us was normal as it ever could be but my stomach was in knots. It suddenly annoyed me much more to see just how much all the girls fawned over Viola. Pictures of Chloe and Haley popped into my head. I wasn't jealous...just thoroughly irked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Danny again, he was looking our way and when he realized that I had caught him he turned around quickly.

"So you did that to Danny's face?" I asked seriously.

Viola looked down at the ground. "The guy was being a dick but I really don't know what came over me. He was just saying some things about you that I really couldn't handle" She said, honesty etched in her voice.

"Defending my honor huh?" I said, not bothering to contain the smile that tugged at my lips. Obviously I wasn't the only one jealous...wait "annoyed". My heart did a little flip at the realization that Viola smacked Danny up for me.

Viola's laugh filled my ears again. "Something like that." She replied.

I looked at Viola quietly. Observing every feature and every movement as she made as she stood before me.

Then suddenly it hit me. I had an idea, a plan. A plan that would prevent either of us from getting "annoyed" again...hopefully.

"Liv? You coming to class?" Viola asked. She was already making her way towards our classroom. People moved all around the both of us, making their ways to their next classes. I reached through the throngs of students and pulled her back to where she previously stood.

"Not before I tell you this." I couldn't contain the sudden wash of nerves and excitement that swelled over my body.

Viola looked at me her eyebrows lifted in question.

"I have a proposition for you... a plan of some sorts. Make this whole thing easier for the both of us."

Viola looked at me her head titled to the side slightly. She smiled, and at that moment I knew that whatever plan I had crazy or simple she was on board.


	18. Chapter 17

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 17:

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><p>Three days had passed since I had forgiven Viola and she had agreed to my unnecessary plan. It was Friday afternoon and I once again was immersed in the mass of rowdy Illyria students occupying the soccer field's home bleachers. The red and black sea. We were playing Bellevue Bruins and once again Viola was the star.<p>

Even after learning that Sebastian was actually Viola it still amazed me how graceful and fluid she was on the field. It was like her movements were second nature. She had become one of the key reasons why the Illyria men's soccer team was on their way to the state finals. Hopefully she would still be at Illyria to play in the state finals game that's just two Saturdays from tomorrow. But first the team had to win three more games and it already looked promising. However, the UNC women's soccer coach was supposed to be calling Paul, one of Viola's best friends, sometime next week to secure her spot and get her to sign her letter of intent. Then it would be finalized within one week of her signing and therefore she would no longer have to be at Illyria.

For the last 3 days I had listened to Viola babble on and on with Paul, Yvonne and Kia alike, when were were supposed to be "studying". I had given Viola a hard time because of the whole Kia situation. I mean that had sparked so much drama between us and I had been utterly fooled...but they were pretty brilliant actresses. Any who, Viola had stayed up in my room just yapping about how she was nervous about this coming week. I tried to tell her not to worry but there was really no use.

So...why how do I know all this? Why was Viola cooped up in my room for the last three days?

That's where the plan comes in.

It's simple really and actually really foolish but Viola and I both agreed it would make everything a lot easier. Theoretically that is, if you were to erase everything that happened between us and the lingering feelings that were still present.

So the plan only has one part and it's just this:

1. I , Olivia Lennox was Sebastian Hastings girlfriend.

I was done watching girls fling themselves onto Viola. The more I watched the more annoyed I became, not to mention the strained look that was embedded onto Viola's face every time she was corned into conversation. This whole arrangement also made it easier for Viola. She could come up to my dorm and just be herself, no wig included. In just three days I been caught up in the life and times of Viola Hastings, twin sister of a certain Sebastian Hastings. Viola spoke to Sebastian over the phone a few times, updating her on his whereabouts and whatnot. She placed him on speaker so I could hear what the real Sebastian was like... let's just say I preferred _Viola's_ Sebastian.

Although we actually haven't gone public with our "relationship" a few knew. First being Addison and Danielle. They had literally lifted me up and jumped all over me after I told them. Plus, Addison was the main reason why Viola was able to be herself in my room. Addison gave us what she called "Sebastian and Olivia fun time". The only others that know about the "relationship" are "Sebastian's boys". They had hooted and hollered when Viola told them and I had been given their approval to do whatever I pleased with their praised leader.

I turned my eyes back to the game. We were up by 2 goals and Viola wasn't in the game so I found no incentive to continue watching. I turned and scanned the crowd then moved my eyes to where Viola was standing on the sidelines.

Naturally Chloe and Haley would be hanging onto Sebastian's every word. I watched closely as Chloe laughed at something Viola said then flirtatiously touched her arm. That "annoyed" feeling returned again and I pulled my eyes away. I really wasn't sure why this was happening. It wasn't like I feared my fake boyfriend would leave me...

I was supposed to be getting over my feelings for Sebastian or more accurately Viola. But now I found that their was still something between us. Something greater than Viola and I's fake relationship.

I sat down on the hard metal bleachers and took a breath. I knew that once it was out that Sebastian and I were a "couple" those girls would no longer be all over her...and it would also halt the advances made by other guys especially Malcolm. Girls and guys alike respected us, and although we were practically together before this whole shindig it didn't stop them because it wasn't official. We would figure out a way to get it through to everyone...but for now I was just going to sit and wait.

Yeah this plan was defiantly foolish. It was complicating things further, but suddenly I realized that I didn't care. I smiled to myself then stood up. I looked back to where Viola still stood with Chloe and Haley. She looked up at me and smiled.

The butterflies in my stomach suddenly sprang to life.

Yep...this was definitely complicating things.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I wandered around Hudson's extravagant mansion, having small conversations here and there and alcohol free. Viola and I had agreed to stay away from the bubbly considering what happened last time. It was an awkward topic and we laughed about it and blamed it on the alcohol, so therefore we were going sober tonight.

The music was blaring through Hudson's expensive sound system. I hung close to Dani and Addison like usual while we let out boys wander around with themselves. Viola had given me those puppy dog eyes she always sported when she was silently pleading with me. But I had just shrugged my shoulders, telling her it would be good for her to have some nice guy time. I must say I get a real kick out of messing with her.

"Seriously ladies, we are doing the triple date now. I mean now that Olivia and Sebastian have finally put us out of our misery." Addison said.

Danielle and I both laughed. "I agree." Dani added.

"I mean let's be real none of like Danny, it is a little rude to have used him to make Sebastian jealous...but it worked wonders and now look, the Homecoming King and Queen and now officially king and queen of the school." Addison added with a laugh.

"Yeah I sort of feel bad for Danny. Not only did he not get any but he also got a few punches to the face for his consolation prize." Dani piped with a laugh again.

"Who knew your man was a fighter Liv?" Addison added.

"I sure didn't...but I'm glad he is." I said, scanning the mass of heads. We were in the large family room that connected to the kitchen. I really couldn't see anything but the large bodies that encircled us.

Suddenly Grant appeared. "Ladies." He greeted, before whispering something into Danielle's ear.

"Girls I'll catch up with you later." She said with a smile before Grant took her hand and led her into the crowd.

"Well would you look at that, boy's taking the lead." Addison chirped and we both broke out into a laughing fit.

About five minutes later Addison and I were still in the same position, talking about what we were going to be for Halloween next Saturday. Addison and Hudson were being Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, whereas Grant and Dani were going to be Danny and Sandy from _Grease_.

I would have to consult Viola on our outfits, that is if she wanted to dress as a couple. If she does agree I just know she will think of something more creative then my plug and outlet idea.

I looked up and noticed that the crowd of people around us had lessened by quite a bit and I was now able to see into the kitchen.

I peered in and noticed Viola, looking exceptionally dapper in her dark-wash straight jeans and gray Northface crewneck. I frowned when I noticed that for the hundredth time today, Chloe and Haley surrounded her; occupying her space like moths to a flame.

Viola looked up and caught me staring. Her face showed it all. I knew her well enough to know that she didn't want to be talking to them. She casted me a pleading look before turning her attention back to the two girls.

"You better go get your boy." Addison said, as her eyes followed my line of sight.

And for once I actually listened to her advice. Seriously, I was really tired of them hanging onto Viola like they were her clothes. It was time for them to see just who Sebastian belonged to.

I walked over to them just in time to catch the end of whatever Chloe was saying.

"Oh Sebastian you are too funny...but you really should think about coming to the competition." Chloe said coyly.

I rolled my eyes before making my final approach.

"Yeah..." Viola said, not paying attention to Chloe, her eyes locked on mine.

"Hey." Viola said, a smile playing on her lips.

"Hey." I replied smoothly.

"Oh hey Olivia...I didn't see you there." Chloe said turning to me.

"Hey Olivia." Haley added.

I ignored them both and took a step forward, only a few inches separating Viola and I. She peered down at me with a questioning look on her face. But before she could ask I stood up on my toes and closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to hers.

I heard Viola's breath hitch, and I wrapped my arms around her neck. Just as quickly as it happened, I pulled away.

I smiled before saying, "Think about that." I turned around and was welcomed with the hollers and claps from the Viola's soccer teammates and a jumping Hudson and Addison. I walked away slowly, listening as Viola smoothly said, "Alright babe." Then continued. "Girlfriends these days huh." I didn't even have to turn around to know the shocked look on there faces. I laughed lightly then turned back to face _her_.

Viola was watching me...that goofy smile playing on her lips and a sparkle in her green eyes.

Yeah...Sebastian was all mine.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Well let's just say everything was a lot simpler now.

Ever since Olivia decided to go public with our fake relationship 4 days ago, it was like we had stepped onto a land mine, clearing a path of simplicity for us. I found myself much more comfortable in my classes without her. There were no longer any girls sending me flirty looks from across the rooms, now the looks were just those of longing; and I could handle those. I was also no longer pestered by the cheerleaders before, during, or after soccer practice. They no longer migrated to me at common room parties asking me to dance or play some game with them. But then again my mind was always focused solely on one blonde at all these functions so I probably wouldn't notice.

It was like a regular thing now with Olivia and I. Sometimes we would go to the party together or sometimes we would go with our friends, but the end was always the same. We would always end up in a chair, her petite body positioned in my lap. We talked, laughed, and even sometimes kissed. They were always slow kisses nothing too much. Ever since she had kissed me at Hudson's it was like we were suddenly comfortable with that aspect of our fake relationship. I mean I thought it would be awkward if we had to, but I wasn't complaining...it was like kissing your bestfriend. Or so she said.

We had become the "it" couple. The epitome of an exclusive relationship. I think it's mostly because I act how I would want my boyfriend to act. Essentially, how I would want Mitch to act. We were pretty much dating now, whenever I was alone or in Olivia's room I spoke to him, he was a great guy and I liked him enough...But any way who knows better then a girl, in how girls envision the best boyfriend to look like. And I guess you can say I became just that.

I was there waiting for her after every one of her classes, my hand extended as she would approach. I carried her books and complimented her on the smallest things, noticed the slightest change. I found it cute that she would still blush once I would say these things to her, assuring me that I obviously was doing something right. But I wasn't the clingy boyfriend. Whenever Addison, Danielle, or one of her other many friends stopped her, I would quickly kiss her on the cheek and walk away. I didn't need to be with her every second but when I was with her I enjoyed it. When we were out together whether it be dinner or a party I felt completely at ease with her at my side. Although we would be surrounded by people, I didn't have to worry. I knew that those around us were there to be friends, no longer for the wrong reasons like they used to be. They all acted as if Olivia and Sebastian had been dating for 3 years and not officially just barely a week. I also got Malcolm off her back easily. I told him straight that while I was around Olivia wasn't going to need his services, I also added that he needed to get rid of those freaky little pillowcases that have her face plastered on them. Like who does that?

But I guess you could say I liked being with Olivia. It felt natural although it most likely wasn't supposed to. We fit into each other so easily, like she was made for me. I knew that she was trying to get over the Sebastian aspect of me, but I was caught having no excuse. I had fallen for her, no doubt about it. Now I was forced to hide my feelings, reassure her that it was all for good show. Although I would catch her staring sometimes when we were in her room and I was no longer in my Sebastian get-up, she looked at me like she had before, like she was trying to decipher her feelings for me. It was all so confusing now. Not that it hadn't been before but now it's different.

We now knew the truth about each other, but now that everything was out something strong lingered between us. When we were together it felt so real...it felt right. But this was so unnatural to me, and now that I was with Mitch I was back to fighting myself. Telling myself that this thing with Olivia would blow over when I left.

But honestly I didn't want it to. I wanted to be with her, and as our relationship continues to grow, and I can tell she does to. But I know she's scared and frankly I'm terrified. Walking away from what you have known all your life is difficult and scary, it's hard to see the positives when your mind continues to develop the negatives.

But hopefully everything will work out as it's supposed to. Or at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.

Suddenly the bell beeped quietly, signaling the end of the current class, and waking me up from the craziness within my head. My class was study hall and I usually had it with Olivia but she was acting as a TA today in a sophomore Chemistry class. The door next to me quickly opened and kids poured out in conversation. I pushed back from the where I had been leaning against some lockers and waited.

Most of the students smiled at me as they passed, others, who had been apart of the JV soccer team, high fived me. But I was only watching for one girl.

She exited the class briskly, moving so gracefully towards me she commanded my full attention, not that she hadn't always had it. I extended my left arm out and she took my hand easily.

"Hey handsome." Olivia murmured slowly. She smiled up at me then winked.

"Hello beautiful." I replied smiling back.

I really wasn't lying. She look perfect even in her uniform...as if Illyria had specially designed it for her. She looked down and smiled at the ground as we continued to walk towards our Anatomy class. I looked down at her and that thing inside me clicked again. That thing that made me choose her, that thing that made me tell her the truth about _being Sebastian_. I still wasn't sure what it was but the feeling returned.

And I knew one thing for certain as we walked into class hand in hand.

If I was going to be Olivia Lennox's fake boyfriend for the remainder of my time at Illyria, I was going to be the best one I could possibly be and I was damn well going to like it.


	19. Chapter 18

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 18:

* * *

><p>The wind swirled slowly around my face as I made my way to the upperclassmen girl's dormitory to "study" with "my girlfriend". By studying I mean talking to my <strong>actual<strong> boyfriend Mitch and avoiding all questions pertaining to my **actual** feelings about a certain blonde and by my girlfriend I mean, Olivia, or that certain blonde I was just referring to.

I think about her all the time now. It's beginning to become overwhelming, like my thoughts are jumbled but together enough to know that each individual thought is about her. As the days go on I become more and more confused about our relationship. There are points in time that Sebastian and Olivia's "relationship" seems so real that I have to mentally slap myself for being so foolish into thinking such a thing. Then there are moments when we have to kiss to put on a good show for our friends and when she pulls away I catch myself yearning for more, wishing that I could have just held on a little bit longer. Then there are the moments where I find myself wishing she was next to me, holding my hand or hanging onto me, embodying the close and comfortable relationship we were projecting to our peers.

And then there are moments like this. Moments when I tell myself that Olivia is nothing more than a friend, and that I'm only acting like this because I've been living as Sebastian for about two months. Moments when I have to find a mirror and stare at my reflection to pop myself back into reality. Then lastly that one moment right after I get finished telling myself these things. I have that moment where in my heart I know I'm lying to myself, but honestly I can't drag up the courage to come to terms with it.

I mean I know I have strong feelings for Olivia. But it's like there is a wall between us. A wall I have constructed on my own, separating us for as long as it takes. It's a wall that despite my best efforts to overcome I always fall short. It's frustrating to say the least, but I know it's my own doing. This wall is the only thing keeping me from crumbling before I'm on my way back to Cornwall.

I turned the corner and proceeded to the front of the girl's dorm building. I stuffed my hands into my pockets then took a deep breath, in the hopes that my mind might be slightly cleared. Once I reached the front doors to the dorm I waited until the floor monitor spotted me and buzzed me in. Boy's weren't exactly allowed in the girl's dorms after 8 unless the floor monitor rules it acceptable. And when Eunice is the floor monitor, my Sebastian Hasting's is always acceptable.

"Hey Bastian!" Eunice eagerly said as I walked past her.

"Hey Eunice, thanks." I replied before making my way through the familiar territory.

Girls lined the hallway as I made my way to Olivia's room. It was a lot quieter than my dorm but just as homey. Most of the girls smiled as I passed our called out a light hello but I didn't really have time for chit chat. My wig was beginning to itch like crazy and the stupid Ace bandage wrap was really preventing any kind of breath.

When I reached my destination, I knocked quietly on _her_ door; knowing full well she was waiting for me. I had told her that I was going to be here at 8:15. But being that Coach had worked us hard today it had taken me longer to get going. Not to mention I had a lot on my mind. So as I glanced at my watch I cursed myself silently, before Addison opened the door.

"Looks who's here! The man of the hour...who has also made me late for my 8:30 study group."

"You're only 5 minutes late Addison, if you run, you can still catch the good stuff." Olivia piped, as I walked in past Addison and plopped down on Olivia's bed.

"Liv they have probably already taken out there T9-84 calculators by now...there is no time for me to catch the good stuff because really that's the most exciting part!"Addison exclaimed throwing her hands up.

I let out a laugh as I watched her collect her stuff before she shot me a look.

"And look at your lover boy all sprawled out on your bed waiting...you guys disgust me! Sebastian you've been here for all of 3 seconds and you already are in the bed...and at least you could have brought your backpack to maybe make it seem like you guys were going to study."

Oh shit she was right. All I had with me was my soccer bag and ball. But before I could think of something smart to reply, my blonde beauty saved me.

"Bye Addison." Olivia called out, finally looking up from her spot at her desk. Addison gave us one last look before chuckling then walking out of the door. I quickly jumped off the bed and locked the door, taking my wig off simultaneously. I then quickly unwrapped my bandage and let out a satisfied sigh as the air began to enter my lungs much easier.

I looked up and saw that Olivia had been watching me with a smile on her face. When our eyes met she held my gaze for a few seconds before turning back to the Calculus book laid out before her. I tried to shake away the feelings boiling in the pit of my stomach but I couldn't, the only thing I could do was try to occupy myself. So I walked over to Olivia's nightstand and peered at the picture frames. I had never noticed them before and as I looked at them I couldn't help but smile.

Right in the front, closest to her bed was a picture of us. Well of her and Sebastian to be more accurate. It looked like it was taken at one of the common room parties we had over in my dorms. I'm pretty sure we didn't know the picture was being taken because we looked so wrapped up in each other that there might as well not been anyone else at the party. Olivia was seated on my lap, her usual place when we were settling down at functions like that. Her arms were around my neck and her eyes were locked on mine. We were smiling at each other and if I didn't know any better it would look like we were a couple who had been together since grade school. That couple at every high school you know will make it. That boiling feeling came right back and I wiped the smile off my face.

I was trying to think of something to get my mind off that picture when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out quickly and smiled when I saw the name on the screen.

"Hey." I answered into the phone.

Mitch's warm voice greeted me on the other end. "Hey baby, what's up?"

And just like that the boiling feeling was gone. I had something to focus my full attention on and for the next hour that's what I did. Or at least tried. Now I wasn't trying to push him in Olivia's face or anything I was just trying to remove her from my mind. Replace _her_ face with his. He was my boyfriend after all but I still found this challenging.

Every time I looked over at her immersed in her Calc homework I couldn't help but think that she looked beautiful. She looked so calm and sweet studying at her desk. It was like she had some sort of pull on me that I couldn't disentangle myself from no matter how hard I tried. Although, I was talking to Mitch I was thinking about her. Thinking about the feelings I held deep within the heart she already possessed. It was like gravity now. I had no chance denying its existence. I was always going to find my way back to her.

After I left Olivia's and got back to my room it was going on 11:30. All the boys were hanging out just like they said they were going to be when I left them after soccer practice; sitting around the large TV in Duke and I's room playing Halo.

"Oh look who finally decided to come home to his lil ole family." Toby said as I walked through the door.

"I mean we all know you are getting some Seb, but seriously when are you gonna let us hear the details." Andrew added, without looking up from the game.

I laughed and dropped my bag. "Look kids, it's really for me to know and you to never find out." It was funny watching how guys actually operated. How they really wanted to know if Sebastian was having sex with Olivia, like they needed to be sure that every night I was over there with her I was sleeping with her. I hadn't even confirmed one time that we were sleeping together...since obviously we weren't.

They all groaned when I told them it's good to have an element of mystery and continued to badger me with questions. But after every single question or comment I found myself thinking up _another reply_, other than the smart one coming out of my mouth.

"Well boys, Addy tells me about how they both look really frazzled and love sick when she gets back." Hudson said, as he hit the numerous buttons on the controller.

_It's just because I'm with her._

"Dude you always have sex hair when you get back here." Duke added, with a small laugh.

_It's just because I'm able to be myself when I'm with her._

"You're whipped bro!" Grant yelled, pounding me on the back.

_You would be too if you had her. _

My thoughts were cut off by another yell coming from Andrew.

"You're one to talk man!" Andrew laughed, as he pointed at Grant.

I laughed when Grant quickly grabbed Andrew's arm and pulled him into a Cop's lock.

"Ahh. Help!" Andrew squealed.

Then just like that the game was paused and all the boys started play fighting / wrestling.

Just before I was tackled to the ground I finally realized that I'm doing this whole thing to be close to her now. I could have easily said no to her plan and just been on my way, but I didn't

And when I hit the ground, it felt like I had been slapped into finally being able to come to terms with the bigger picture... That I was doing all of this because I'm in love with _her_.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I sat on the bleachers in the cold October breeze watching Viola kick a ball relentlessly through the net. It was Thursday afternoon and Danielle, Eunice, Addison, Sophia, and I had all decided to come out and watch our boys practice, in hopes of giving them some support before their game tomorrow.

As I continued to watch Viola move across the field I couldn't help but think back to the previous night. We had been in my room, just like every other night, and I was trying to cram for my Calculus exam and also finish some of the homework I had due at the end of the week. But I couldn't.

Viola's voice was entering my ears every second. Her laugh and the smile I knew was plastered on her clear face was making my hands sweat as I tried to finish just one math problem. Viola had shed most of her Sebastian get up and was talking to Mitchell on the phone.

I tried my best not to let jealously get the best of me but it did. The way she spoke to him made my heart sink deeper and deeper in my chest. I didn't even need to hear what he had to say in return because her voice was enough to show me that what they had was my actual reality. That Sebastian and I were never going to be...but Viola and Mitch were. My heart then made its final plunge when Viola bashfully replied into the phone as their conversation was ending, "I'm going to miss you too baby". I sat there with my back to her as I tried to gather my nerves.

Once Viola signed her commitment letter for UNC, she was going to be gone. This would crumble and I would be left with the same empty feeling that had been in my chest after I had heard those words. She would no longer miss Mitch because she was going to be with him. I wouldn't have _my Sebastian_ anymore. I would no longer have the guy I was in love with, he would be long gone, and I would never see him again. I still wasn't sure where Viola and I stood but I was sure where Sebastian and I did. But that was what made everything more confusing I guess.

I knew I was in love with Sebastian. But Sebastian was Viola in all aspects. The more time I spend with her just being herself, the more I know. I used to see Sebastian in Viola, but now I only see Viola in Sebastian. And the thing is...it hasn't changed anything. My feelings are are the same.

Just then the whistle blew and pulled me back to the metal bleachers, the cold October breeze, and my friends standing up and beginning to make their way to the field.

"You okay Livie?" Dani asked, as she linked arms with me as we descended the bleacher steps.

I nodded and put on a smile. And we continued down the steps and waited on the track that sat in between the bleachers and the soccer field.

As the soccer team dispersed and the boys began to come our way, I suddenly felt elated. Viola was walking towards me, that smile I adored so much showing on her face. It was crazy how quickly she could change my mood just with one of those looks.

I heard squealing from beside me and broke contact to look at Addison squirming in Hudson's large arms.

"Let me down you big ogre! You're too sweaty!" Addison tried, her laughs filling the cool air like music.

I turned just in time to find Viola in front of me, her hands outstretched as if she expected me to jump into her arms. I just shook my head, a small smile playing on my lips, and she grinned back mischievously. I knew that look and I turned around trying to get far away from my sweaty superstar.

But I didn't get far...soon her arms were wrapped around me and her sweaty body was pressed to my back. I laughed and tried to wiggle free but her grip was tight around my waist.

"Sebastian let me go." I said as serious as I could manage.

Suddenly my heart began to beat double time as I felt her hot breath on my neck.

"You don't want me to touch you?" She breathed softly into my neck.

I shivered and closed my eyes. I then bit my lip trying to rid myself of the nervous and dangerous feeling that was in the pit of my stomach. The moment had suddenly turned intimate and I my breathing was starting to get heavier.

"I always want you to touch me." I whispered. Honesty filled my shaking voice and then Viola loosened her grip around my waist and gently turned me around so we were face to face.

The serious look in her eyes, confused me at first and I realized that the air between us felt thick, although we were surrounded by the fresh October air.

"Good." Was all she replied. It seemed like she wanted to say more but Coach Dinklage had other plans.

"Oyi Hastings! Hit the showers Romeo!" He demanded.

Viola dropped her hands from their place on my waist then smiled at me. She kissed me on the forehead lightly then turned around and jogged toward the locker room.

I finally released the breath I didn't know I had been holding.

Wow...these next few days are really going to be a challenge.


	20. Chapter 19

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 19:

* * *

><p>Friday came and went like the blink of an eye and soon I found myself on the soccer field... my second home. It was Saturday morning and I was right where I wanted to be, except one thing was missing but I'm not going to think about that... not yet at least.<p>

Any way yesterday we handled Brookside Academy easily, beating them 4 goals to none to advance to the semi-finals. Our next game was on Wednesday and I was beginning to get nervous. I knew that UNC would be calling Paul either today or tomorrow, and if I'm correct, I won't be sticking around much longer. But I guess I'll deal with that when it comes. Hopefully, I can be here for my team.

As for now I'm just going to enjoy the last few days I have with "my boys". We were all passing three balls around in our small circle, steadily chatting about the upcoming festivities.

Today was Halloween, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited.

"Look I just don't get why we gotta do it!" Andrew huffed, passing the ball to me in the process.

"Yeah I mean I just don't know how I feel about the whole couples costumes." Toby added. "Whatchu think Sebastian."

I passed the ball to Duke and stood up straight. "If it makes Olivia happy, then I'm all for it." I said honestly.

They looked at me for a second before nodding in unison. "I guess you're right man. I never really thought of it like that." Andrew replied, stroking his chin.

It wasn't weird to me anymore that I spoke and thought about Olivia as if our relationship were real. As if this thing between us would last longer than the week I had left at Illyria.

But it was impossible. Olivia and I have done everything to avoid talking about the future. About **our** future. I'm not sure if she's ready...I know damn well that I'm not. This whole situation is still so confusing, and the fact that I'm standing here preaching to my boys that I'll do anything for her isn't making it better. But the truth hurts I guess.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when a fit of laughter filled my ears.

I looked around at them, my eyes landing on Andrew, knowing full well he was the culprit. "What?" I questioned.

He let out a sputter of laughter before beginning. "I was just saying that you have it easy. Since we all know that your outfits are perfect for after party activities, I mean easy access and all." He finished, and the boys doubled over again.

I couldn't help it either. Andrew was right, in some form. Olivia and I had decided to go with the cop and the prisoner outfits. I know, not my most creative idea but when it's the only thing left at Spirit Halloween other then the Flintstones you got to make it work.

Olivia was going to wear this nice little lady cop outfit, you know the trashy kind they make that resemble the french maid and nurse outfits. But on Olivia it looked perfect, no trash in site. Then when it came to my outfit, I had to wear the striped pant and shirt suit and the tasteful little striped hat. It also came with foot shackles and hand-cuffs but Olivia was holding onto those. So when Andrew says easy access he really means when in a hurry we have it the easiest. Everyone else had intricate difficult costumes that took 20 minutes to put on and take off, but since the prisoner's outfit fit loose and baggy I really had to just shrug it off, and Olivia was wearing a skirt so...yeah.

"I mean come on Sebastian man, you know you got it easy." Andrew added.

I just laughed and shook my head. "If you kids were smarter you would have agreed to it only if...you could pick out the costumes."

We all began our laughing fit again with Sebastian Hastings teaching these guys a thing or two about relationships and compromise.

A couple hours later all of us guys were waiting outside the girl's dorm. We all looked pretty sharp although some looked uncomfortable but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I was leaning against the wall letting the last moments of October set in.

The door opened beside me and most of the girls filed out and joined their guy. Andrew, Toby, Grant, Duke, and Quincy were all joined by their other half. But where was mine?

Just then the door opened and I saw her. My body immediately reacted to her, like she was some sort of magnet. My blood was coursing through my body faster than ever and my insides were a mess. I was nervous I could tell, but I didn't know why.

Olivia walked toward me slowly, letting me take in every inch of her. She looked spectacular, I was gaping at her I knew it, I couldn't keep my mouth closed. When she reached me she giggled quietly then pushed my chin up with one of her fingers, closing my mouth.

I was out of breath...my brain was clouded. She had a hold on me that until this moment I didn't know it was this strong.

She leaned into me as if she were going to kiss me, but right before her lips met mine she diverted her path and those lips were by my ear. I felt cool metal wrap around my wrist and lock but I couldn't move to look down.

"You're all mine for tonight." She whispered slowly. Her cool breath hit my ear and sent shivers down my spine. She tugged and I was pulled with her. The handcuffs. But I didn't care that I was chained, I was so wrapped up in her I couldn't look away.

If it was only going to be for tonight...I didn't care, I was hers and she was all mine.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I looked around slowly and took in my surroundings. I stared at the happy faces with a smile, taking small gulps of my mixed drink. I tuned out the conversation going on next to me and my eyes searched for _her_. They scanned Hudson's monstrous family room and finally found her.

She was standing back towards the sliding glass door. A cup in her hand resembling my own. She was laughing with Danielle and Addison, and my heart tugged as she smiled.

When we got to Hudson's house for his over-the-top Halloween bash, Olivia and I broke our pact and decided to drink. It was as if that thing that was holding us back before didn't matter to either of us, well at least to me anymore. So when the mummy bartender offered us drinks we shared a look and took the two cups from him without hesitation.

I wasn't drunk or anything but I was slightly tipsy. My brain was just beginning to fog and I did feel slightly more relaxed but I could still process and function. I finished off my cup then looked up searching for her, but she wasn't in the same spot.

My eyes scanned again but I couldn't find her. Just when I was going to begin my 2nd run through, her arms wrapped around my waist.

"Looking for someone?" She asked. I didn't even have to see her to know she was smiling.

I turned around and smiled at her. She was so effortlessly beautiful, I couldn't handle it.

"Just you." I replied.

"Good." She said grabbing my hand. "Let's go through the Haunted House."

She led me outside and through the mass of party-goers on the deck and down by the pool. Hudson owned about 10 acres of land, 5 of which were forested. So when Olivia said Haunted House she really meant Haunted Forest. The whole soccer team and the girls had come to Hudson's on Friday to set it up, it was just a walking trail with the usual stuff hanging and popping out if I remember correctly.

Grant and Danielle joined us at the entrance of the forest. As I peered in, it looked a lot scarier than it did when we were setting it up but if I was going to be with Olivia, it was all good.

She pulled me close to her and let out a small laugh. "Come find me." She said. Then she turned around and disappeared into the darkness with Danielle, leaving Grant and I.

...not good.

"Well my friend, let's go get em." Grant smiled.

It seemed as if I had been walking forever. I had lost Grant sometime ago when I reached a fork in the path and I chose the side with the witch and not the one with the sound of a chainsaw coming from it. My head was spinning and I still couldn't find Olivia. I was already freaked out being that this was not the shit I remember. But I continued to follow the light paths, not reacting to the screams of other teenagers or the things dropping from the trees above.

I stopped walking when I heard it. I was at a part of the path that was just lights and signs with ketchup splattered all over them, but it sounded like someone was moving to my left...or maybe it was my right.

I looked around, my eyes already having adjusted to the darkness, then I felt her. She was behind and I turned slowly, she had come out of nowhere.

She took a step closer to me, so I could feel the heat radiating off her body through the cold air.

"You found me." She whispered. Before I could even think up a reply her lips were on mine. The kiss was slow and torturous, I wanted desperately to take control but she wouldn't let me. She broke away and with my eyes still closed I felt her breath hot against my ear again.

"See if you can do it again."

I couldn't breath for the second time tonight, and when I finally opened my eyes she was gone.

All I could do was chance after her, because no matter how many times I told myself no...I wanted it even more.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I was over the moon when I got back inside Hudson's home. Although Viola and I had agreed before not to get drunk, being that our first encounter was still embedded into our heads, I'm pretty sure by now that plan was out the window.

To me it seemed as if we wanted something to happen between us like the first time. We needed to something to trigger these emotions, or at least I did. And by the way that we had interacted in the Haunted Forest I'd say my faithful prisoner did too.

We were playing Flip Cup at the moment. A game I had never personally played but to my surprise my team had won the first round.

The teams were girls vs. guys. My team consisted of Addison, Dani, Alyssa, Carly, and I. Whereas the boys team consisted of Duke, Grant, Hudson, Andrew, and Sebastian.

I was feeling good. I wasn't drunk...yet, just slightly giddy and I swayed a little when I looked up and caught her eye. When I looked at her it was if all the oxygen in the room was being sucked away and all I could do to hold on was gasp for the last of it. The tension between us was beginning to make my head hurt.

She smiled and I hadn't even noticed that the next round had begun and by the time I realized this we had already lost. I watched as Viola flipped her cup over effortlessly and all the boys hooted and hollered.

"Maybe next time Liv." She said with a cocky smile.

I finished off my untouched cup and just smiled, my mouth not able to find the words I yearned to say.

"Well Livie, you might want to slow down...you already look a little love drunk." Addison piped nudging me.

"Shut-up." I whispered, as I looked over at _my Sebastian_ again. She was staring at me with a light smile on her face, and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"Livie come on we can't lose this round." Addison said snapping me out of my daze.

I tried to focus on the game but I couldn't, I needed a trigger. Something to spark between us so I could let go of these built up feelings. And I realized as I guzzled down my next cup of the cool liquid that I might just have to cause that trigger.

The next few minutes went by in a blurr, and by the end of it we had already played 2 more games of flip cup. What I said before about being drunk...no longer applied. My juices were flowing at top speed and I knew I was far beyond my limit.

But I didn't really care, I was beginning to act like the Olivia who had taken and gotten what she wanted the last time this happened.

I winked at Viola and she smiled lazily at me, holding onto Andrew for support. I leaned over and whispered into Addison's ear, never breaking eye contact with my drunken love. I could feel the fire between us and in my current state I really couldn't take it.

Addison laughed a what I said and nodded her head. I watched as she walked over to Hudson and wrapped her arms around his waist and when she broke away she had his wallet in her hand.

"Hey guys...let-t's play suck and blow." Addison called out as she pulled out one of Hudson's I.D. cards.

I looked over at Viola and she raised her eyebrows at me, then walked around the table and positioned herself in between me and the line that was forming next to me.

She put her lips to my ear and I counted the seconds until she finally spoke.

Four.

"This was your idea wasn't it?" She blew slowly into me ear. I shivered at the sound of her drunken voice.

"Maybe." I replied coyly.

She stared at me for a few seconds then turned her attention to the game. I watched as a few people dropped the card and they kissed the unsuspecting person next to them. I had never played this game before being that I was always afraid of someone pulling a Clueless on me, but now I prayed for it.

I didn't know if it was just me and my messed up self but my hands were suddenly clammy and my stomach was in knots. I was nervous. I felt this but did she? Would she be the one to trigger this or would I have to?

I turned my head and noticed Viola slowly taking the card from Addison. My heartbeat picked up and as she turned towards me my eyes went cross-eyed. We shouldn't have decided to drink, I wanted to remember this.

I smiled as I brought my face to hers and just as I was about to retrieve the card from her it dropped and her lips were on mine.

My head was spinning and I couldn't breathe. I was in heaven. The kiss was hot and hungry and I was done fighting this. That was it...that was the trigger I was waiting for...hoping for.

I pulled away and grabbed her hand. I was already walking away not even bothering to listen to Addison's smart remark. I was determined.

I had been in Hudson's house enough times by now to know the room situations, and although I was messed up I found what I was looking for.

As I closed the door I took a deep breath and turned around. Viola looked around hazily then smiled at me. She opened her mouth as if to say something but I was already going for it.

Our lips smashed together and the heat radiating off our bodies might as well set the home ablaze.

The kiss was rough and greedy. Her hands were everywhere. Our lips smacked together in unison and I tried desperately to take control. Our tongues danced as she locked her hands around my waist and walked me backwards until the back of my knees hit something and I fell into a cushioned chair below.

I couldn't think and I could barely breathe. I pulled away slowly, pulling her bottom lip with my teeth. She moaned and the sound sent hot streaks throughout my body. I tried to take in a breath but I couldn't. Her lips were on my neck and my brain was clouded even more than it was before.

Viola's arms were on the arms of the chair and as my hands pulled her closer I realized she was standing up. But I didn't care, her lips were so soft and she worked my neck so slow that I was breaking out of my skin. I couldn't take it so I pulled her face back up and crashed my lips back onto her perfect ones. It was _too_ hot in here. I was _too_ drunk. But this was _too_ good. Every time I opened my mouth she was there, my every breath. I was drinking her in every seconds and I couldn't get enough.

She kneeled down in front of me now and pushed herself into me. My back hit the cushioned back hard and I moaned slowly. My body was on fire. Her hands snaked up my thighs slowly, making me whine into her mouth. She nipped and sucked on my lips and I couldn't remember where I was. My mind was off somewhere else, and my body was the only thing left. The only thing left for _her_.

I pulled away and opened my eyes. The room was shaking and spinning. I didn't know if it was my drunk mind playing tricks on me but I suddenly saw Viola's face change just as it had the first time. The pain, the confusion, the awareness. Guilt washed over me like a tidal wave.

"Oh m-my god. I I'm so sorry." I covered my mouth with my hands after the muffled words left my mouth.

I couldn't see her face clearly. My world was spinning and the hot air around us was making it harder and harder to breathe.

I heard her take a deep breath, her hands gently massaging my thighs. Her voice was low and husky. It was so undoubtably sexy.

"Liv...I think-" I heard her begin. I closed my eyes and bit me lip. Her hands made circles along my inner thigh and I opened my legs wider, I was so distracted I wasn't even sure if she was talking.

"Liv look at me." She said slowly. I opened my eyes and tried to focus. She looked so beautiful, her cheeks were pink and her lips were slightly swollen. Sweat lined her brow and her Sebastian hair was wild.

"Liv, I love you."

The words collided with my heart so quickly I couldn't avoid it. I watched as her head titled from side to side, both of us still messed up beyond belief.

But it felt right...this felt right.

And before I could even process it, I heard my voice say it back. The burning in my body only building as her lips once again collided with mine.

She was in full control now, I couldn't fight this any longer. I wanted this. Her. And she did too. So as she pulled me up and as we uncoordinatedly made our way to the mattress, I knew that when I called out someone's name tonight it wouldn't be Sebastian.

I knew that from this moment forward it was always going to be...

_Viola._


	21. Chapter 20

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 20:

* * *

><p>When I opened my eyes I only saw darkness. My head was pounding and as I tried to get up my body betrayed my mind. I couldn't move, an outside force weighing down my tired frame.<p>

My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I propped my head up slowly to take a look around. The blinds covered the windows but small rays of light sprinkled through. I scanned the room slowly realizing I was still at Hudson's. I moved my hand to push myself up but instead of touching a sheet-covered mattress my hand met soft warm skin.

I looked down and it was as if a fighter jet had just dropped a couple of missiles on my head. The images from last night played in my mind like a slideshow. The blonde-haired girl next to me in every single one. _Olivia. Olivia. Olivia._

My fingers unconsciously stroked her hair as I recalled the events that took place only a couple hours before.

I had...

Olivia had...

We had...

My hand recoiled and I ignored the pain in my head as I pushed away from the bed. My eyes went hazy for a second and my legs shook but I continued to distance myself from her. My hands found the dresser and I looked into the mirror to find...myself staring back at me.

Myself as in Viola.

My long wavy brown hair was strung wildly around my face. My body only covered by candy-corn boxers and my striped halloween outfit top. I checked myself quickly and inwardly groaned.

My ace wrap was no longer in its place across my chest and my underwear under the boxers was also non-existant. I tapped the lamp atop the dresser and it illuminated the room enough for me to find our discarded clothes but not enough to wake Olivia.

By the looks of the cop outfit on the ground I didn't have to bet to know that under those sheets Olivia wore nothing.

I dressed myself as quickly as my sluggish body would allow. And when I looked into the mirror for a second time I was staring at Sebastian. The person staring back at me had swollen lips and bloodshot tired eyes. Hickeys the size of my thumb lining his neck and collar bone. And he wore a look as if he had been caught doing something he knew he shouldn't have. Something I knew he shouldn't have.

I turned from that face and unlocked the door. With one last look I walked out and through the library where the secret room we had just - ...stood.

The brightness wounded my eyes and I slowly made my way down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Well well well...if it isn't the luckiest prisoner in the world." Grant said as I entered the kitchen.

"I told you you had it the easiest Sebastian. It took you all of 5 seconds to bust out of here...and I know probably less to get out of the little outfit of yours man." Andrew added with a chuckle.

"Ew Andrew please." Addison piped slapping him in the shoulder. "Where's your Olivia Sebastian?"

_My_ Olivia. "She's still sleeping." I heard my voice reply.

"Damn you must have tired that one out huh? You the man!" Duke beamed slapping me hard on the back.

My insides squeezed at the contact and my head started to spin.

"You okay Sebastian? You look like you're about to give." Duke said slowly.

I only could nod as I tried to settle my stomach. I sat down at the table and watched as the world around me moved in slow motion.

Grant and Danielle hugged and kissed as they prepared what looked like eggs and bacon. Addison laughed as she worked tiny braids into Hudson's wavy hair. Eunice placed a glass of some odd concoction Toby was whipping up in front of me before going to rejoin him by the blender. And Carly shouted and giggled as Andrew walked around with her thrown over his shoulder.

It seemed to me that everybody had somebody. But did I?

Then I saw_ her_. She stood stood at the archway leading into the dining room, her body covered by my oversized Illyria soccer sweatshirt she had grabbed from the car when we first got to Hudson's. She was doing just as I had been doing before I turned my attention to her. She was watching her friends, a small smile playing on her lips but a confused look shadowing her eyes. She looked so beautiful I just wanted to reach out and hold her. Hold her until I knew her every curve, every move, until her scent was home.

When her eyes landed on mine it was as if my slow motion world suddenly came to a stop. Olivia looked unsure and uncomfortable. She looked down and before I could say a word, Addison and Danielle were all over her.

The words I couldn't say flooded my mind. I couldn't escape them. I remembered last night. I remembered it like it had just happened only seconds before. We touched, we kissed, we loved. Everything I wanted to happen did but it shouldn't have. The cloud of the future now hung over us. We had taken our relationship to the next step. Not just Sebastian and Olivia's but Olivia and I's. We no longer could turn back. I told her I loved her. I know she remembers because so do I. I remember it all.

And the thing is I don't regret it because it happened. I regret it because of the consequences. Every action has consequences some good some bad... you know the whole idea of Karma. But my actions last night could only do so much good before the bad took over and consumed me.

It was a mistake. A mistake I wished I regretted; but I didn't. What Olivia and I had shared last night was the closest thing to reality that I had felt throughout this whole thing. She had captured my every being and now there was nothing left of me that she didn't already posses.

I wish I could say that what happened between us was only because of Sebastian. It only happened because of _being Sebastian_. But that would never be true. I remembered it all. Every single detail, including Olivia's voice ringing out my name. My **real** name.

I was in love with her. Every single cell in my body showed it.

- - - -ZzZzZzZ - - - -

It had been two days since Viola and I spent **that** night together. Nothing had changed between Sebastian and I because of it. I mean boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to do what we did. But Viola and I was a different story.

It was all so confusing to me now. Deciphering _her _feelings for _me_. I know she knows how I feel. But when we are alone she won't let me in. We are both avoiding the thought of our future. I mean everyone around us talks about Prom and anniversaries and things that are going to happen after this week is over.

After she is already gone.

The morning after Halloween, Paul had called Viola to tell her about the letter he had received. The letter that laid out Viola's acceptance into the University of North Carolina with a full athletic scholarship for the sport of soccer. She was going to sign her letter on Thursday to make everything official then she would be gone.

Everything would be gone.

Even though the air between us was extremely awkward after our Halloween encounter, being that we haven't even spoken about the details of that night, we act normal. Normal in front of everyone, and as normal as we can muster alone. All the boys at Illyria continue to give Sebastian praise. I mean not only because we were dating but because now everyone knew for sure that he was the only guy to go that far with me.

If only they knew. But they were right. Sebastian...actually Viola was the only person ever. She had slept through first and second base easily. She had stolen third without even breaking a sweat. And in terms of firsts... she made it all the way home.

I hold onto the memories of that night. I don't regret any of it. I know I'm in love with her. I mean I told her...and she told me. But there is always going to be something holding us back. Something that prevents us from being us. And that thing is time.

Every time we hold hands, hug, or kiss I'm hit with the realization that there are only so many seconds left I have with her. With _my Sebastian_.

"Livie come on our reservations are at 5!" Addison yelled from outside the bathroom.

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind. Tonight was supposed to be fun. I was going out to dinner with the girls to this new lounge in the city. Then I was meeting up with Viola, Paul, Kia, and Yvonne to go to a Cornwall party. I still don't know why I agreed to go. The fact that I had to watch Viola and Mitchell together should have pushed me to say no but I didn't.

I walked out of the bathroom and pulled my jacket on.

"Finally! Geez I was beginning to think you were going to blow us off so you and the lover boy could stay in." Addison said jokingly as we walked out the door.

Viola was with the team right now watching some game footage of the Moutainview Rangers, which was the team they were going to be playing on Wednesday. After she was done with that she was going to get ready for the party with me.

"I'm so heartbroken that you would rather stay in with your boy tonight than go to mini golf with the group after dinner." Addison chuckled.

"Oh shut-up you know I hate mini-golf." I said. I linked my arm into hers as we walked out into the cool air.

"Not to mention you suck" Addison piped as we approached our friends.

"Ladies let's get a move on!" Dani called.

I felt calm and happy with my friends. My mind working hard to wash away the thoughts of Viola and replace them with excitement for tonight.

- - - -ZzZzZzZ - - - -

When we arrived at Teddy Lawson's house, a senior from Cornwall, I was already pissed. The shit was just being piled onto me today.

First I had to sit in a room for 5 hours and watch soccer footage of a team I knew we were going to beat. Second, I could barely concentrate for those 5 hours because I couldn't stop thinking about _her_.

I mean none of that had really pissed me off. That stuff had just sort of tired me out. What had really pissed me off was the fact that I had gotten jealous.

After Coach Dinklage finally dismissed us, the boys and I went up to Duke and I's room for awhile.

Grant had decided to call Danielle so he could make sure of the time they would be meeting for mini-golf. He had put her on speaker because he was in the middle of a Halo match with Andrew, so I held the phone for him.

After he got all the information from her they spoke small talk for a little and that's when I heard it. It was a deep male voice and he spoke loud, as if he was yelling for someone a good distance away.

He was saying something along the lines of "Hey there beautiful can I buy you a drink."

I couldn't hear her exact words but I knew the voice who responded was Olivia's. She giggled as he shouted something else and my blood began to boil.

Then I heard Addison yell just as loud as the guy was shouting. "Get lost dude, blondie here has a boyfriend and he just might kick your ass."

And just like that Danielle and Grant's conversation ended. The boys were completely oblivious to my obvious meltdown. I really didn't know why I had become so jealous. Nothing had even really happened. I mean I couldn't blame the guy for hitting on Olivia, but the whole situation just put me in a sour mood.

And when I got to Olivia's room to change I barely spoke two words to her. I know she knew something was wrong but she didn't push it after I told her I was fine. And I guess that pissed me off more.

Gosh, I was a complete wreck. I was jealous because some guy hit on my fake persona's fake girlfriend. And now here I was being myself and I was still pissed.

My negative thoughts were cutoff as I was lifted into the air.

"There you are babe...I was beginning to worry." Mitch said into my ear.

"Here I am." I turned and kissed him slowly then smiled. He really was the perfect boyfriend. But who was I faking it for? Him? Olivia? Myself?

I really didn't know.

I turned around to face my friends. Mitch gave small hugs to Kia and Yvonne then slapped hands with Paul. He then turned to Olivia who stared at him with a small frown.

"Hi I don't think I've met you yet?" Mitch said, with a friendly smile on his face.

Just as quickly as I had noticed the frown on her face it was gone and replaced with a smile. "I'm Olivia. Mitchell right?" Olivia's sweet voice said.

"Yeah. Nice to meet you." Mitch began before turning to me. "Babe this is the girl you were telling me about from school right?"

Olivia looked at me with a confused expression on her face.

"Your lab partner right?" Mitch finished.

I nodded and looked at the ground. She was a lot more than just my lab partner now.

"Well Olivia it's nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of my girl here." Mitch said pulling me closer. "I don't know anyone at Illyria but I know that you'll look out for her."

I smiled up at him then turned to face her. She only nodded then quickly cast me a look I couldn't decipher the meaning of then walked away. I watched her retreating back then tried to forget about her. But I knew I couldn't.

For the next 2 hours I looked for her. My eyes scanned the mass of Cornwall students for her beautiful blonde hair but I couldn't find her. I tried to busy myself with the conversations that were going on around me with my friends from Cornwall but I couldn't. The only one I really paid attention to was the one with Justin. And that was only because I had to push Mitch away before their little chat turned into an all out brawl.

I pushed Mitch outside so he and I both could get some air when I saw her. I didn't know if what I was seeing was real or if my eyes were deceiving me. There she was sitting by the pool. She was seated in the lap of Asher King, a senior who was captain of the baseball team at Cornwall.

All the calm I felt while being with Mitch suddenly vanished. The pissed off feeling I had when I had entered the party returned and jealously burned deep inside of me.

"Wow. It looks like Asher and Olivia really hit it off huh? Good for them babe." Mitch said, a genuine smile displayed on his face.

Just as the last word left his mouth she turned to me. Our eyes locked for a moment before she leaned into Asher and listened as he whispered into her ear. She laughed as he pulled away and smiled and I couldn't take it anymore.

I walked back inside, not even bothering to acknowledge Mitch's calls.

What the hell was she doing with him?

"Babe are you okay." Mitch asked as he found me by the door to the backyard.

I didn't even answer. I only turned and linked my arms around his neck and kissed him as I hard as I could. I needed to forget about her. I just needed to breathe and forget.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

The car ride back to Illyria was quiet. And by quiet I mean neither Viola nor I spoke the whole way.

She had been acting distant ever since she had gotten to my room before the party. And now sitting in the backseat with a chattering Kia in between us made the situation worse.

Not only did I have to watch her and Mitch together all night but now I had to endure the silent treatment from her. And what for?

Once Paul came to a stop in front of my dorm, Viola quickly hopped out muttering a quiet goodbye.

Paul and Yvonne just looked at each other as Kia loudly shouted a reply.

"Thanks for everything Paul. See you guys later." I said as I opened the door.

"I'm sorry about that Olivia." Paul said, jerking his head to where Viola waited by the door. "She's going through somethings I guess."

I just nodded as I closed the door. "Bye Olivia." Kia shouted out the window as Paul drove away.

If I thought the silence between us in the car was bad, the silence on the walk up to my room was even worse. It was torturous and I was starting to get agitated.

Why was she acting like this? I didn't understand. And as I opened the door to my room and she walked in without a word and grabbed her bag that held all things Sebastian, then turned to walk out I had enough.

"So you're just going to go?" I stated with a huff.

She didn't turn around. "What's there to stay for? Do you have something to say?" Her voice was cold and unrecognizable.

"Why are you acting like this Vi?"

She turned around at my question and dropped her bag. "Acting like what?"

"You've barely spoken a word to me all day and I don't know why." I stated honestly.

She looked down and I could see she didn't know either.

I took a step closer and dipped my head so she had to look up at me. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"I heard you and that guy over the phone." Her voice still held malice and I winced at its sound.

"What guy?" I honestly didn't know what she was talking about.

"The guy you were flirting with when you were out with the Addison and the girls earlier." She said in the same tone.

I opened my mouth for a second but then closed it.

Wait...

Viola was acting this way because she thought I was flirting with the 50 year old man who had come up to our table and offered to buy me a drink. Was she joking?

"I wasn't flirting with him. Nothing happened." I said simply.

"Yeah I bet."

"Why are-" I began but she cut me off.

"You were all over that guy tonight too." She spit out. Anger was etched in her voice and she looked everywhere but at me.

I just stared at her, my mouth suddenly dry.

"The great Asher King scores big with Ms. Olivia Lennox tonight ladies and gentlemen." Viola piped sarcastically. She grabbed her bag and went for the door again but the anger now inside of me began to boil.

"Why does it matter? You were with Mitch all night." I said starkly to her back.

She turned around quickly. "You're my girlfriend Olivia. Of course it matters." Viola yelled as she took a step closer.

I laughed at her words. "I'm yours huh? What do you mean Viola? Tell me? Because I don't see Sebastian anywhere." I spat at her. I did nothing to fight the anger that was now spewing from my mouth.

She didn't answer my questions so I continued.

"This isn't about tonight Vi and you know it. This whole jealously face you're showing would be understandable maybe if I knew where I stood with you! But every time I start to ask, you shut me out. And now what? Now you want to be jealous because I was with someone else and not all over you. What do you want?" I finally finished taking a breath.

She stared at me her jaw slack. "I-I just..." Her voice faded away. "God." she muttered under her breath but she was so close to me I heard.

Then she dropped her bag and closed the gap between us. She kissed me hard and I was barely able to respond before she was gone.

Without another word or even a backwards glance Viola picked up her bag and left.

I wasn't prepared for the emotions that filled me after she shut the door. I felt vulnerable and alone. I wasn't ready for this.

For whatever this relationship was between us. The longing I felt to be in the same vicinity as her terrified me.

And for the first time I felt spent. I didn't know what to do or how to react. She had kissed me. Viola had, while Sebastian was held up in a bag. But what did it mean? Her lack of words and her emotional disconnection confused me even more.

The only thing I could do was run. Hide from everything until time told me she was gone.


	22. Chapter 21

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 21:

* * *

><p>If I could give myself a score from 1 to 10, rating how well I was handling the situation with Olivia I would give myself a (-100).<p>

At this point I can honestly say that our relationship is so fucked up that in the end we know it won't work. But the thing is...we keep trying.

Ever since the Cornwall party and our encounter in her room after, we've been fine. By fine I mean we aren't arguing or talking about what's going to happen to us in the future. We have a silent understanding that we are just going to make the most of the last few days I have of _being Sebastian_.

But doing this to her kills me. I know she wants to talk about it, I know she wants me to lay everything out on the line for her. But I can't. I've never experienced anything like this before. I've never been more vulnerable than I have with her.

Thinking back I've never made a speech to someone expressing how I feel about them, or how I want to be with them. The only times I've ever done so are times with Olivia. The girl terrifies me.

She has the ability to tear my heart right out without me even lifting a finger to stop her. I've never felt this way about anyone before. And the fact that it's Olivia, a girl, when all my life before I never felt an ounce like the way I feel about her with any guy let alone even thought about a girl, confuses the hell out of me.

I'm still unsure of how these feelings came to be. If it was me, Viola, who whole-heartedly developed them, or if it was my _being Sebastian_ that stemmed them. I really don't know, but what I know is that no matter who I am, I feel for her.

I'm in love with her, I know that much. And I know she knows it too. And I'm going crazy over here, because I haven't seen her since I kissed her on Monday night then left.

She's probably pissed and just as confused as I am but by the sound of her voice last night she isn't showing it.

Last night she went out with the girls again for dinner. I talked to her on the phone for awhile and she seemed normal, she seemed happy. But I'm really not sure, I haven't actually seen her. I would have normally seen her in Anatomy but yesterday and today we had to do our Cat practical, which if I may say was horrific. Mrs. Anderson broke us into two groups, I was in the group that went yesterday and she was in the group that went today. I also should have seen her in study hall but on Tuesday she was tutoring some sophomore and today I had to serve a detention.

But you may also ask why I'm not there after every single one of her classes like usual. I'm actually really not sure. I guess I wanted to give her some space, hell I needed space, but now I feel like such an unworthy boyfriend.

Man what is this girl doing to me?

My thoughts were cut off when I heard Toby's voice."You okay there Sebastian?"

"Yeah I'm alright, just thinking." I said standing up and adjusting my soccer shorts.

"Good, we need you out there tonight man." He stated, slapping my back.

He was right I needed to focus. It was Wednesday night and we were playing in the semi-finals against Mountainview. I needed to be there for my team. My boys. They were my family now.

"Alright men, let's get out there and warm up...and kick some ass." Coach Dinklage said.

We all hollered and slapped each other on the back as we filed out of the tunnel. The sun making it's way down and the crowd erupting around us.

We grabbed some balls and started passing around, Duke and I pairing up. I was pumped for the game but my stomach was in knots. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

I looked up into the stands and easily spotted Addison, Danielle, Eunice, and the rest of Olivia's friends but she was nowhere to be found.

Just as I turned back to Duke to receive a pass she was there.

"Hey stranger." She said slowly, a smile playing on her perfect lips. Her hair was in a long braid coming over her shoulder, her light blue dress bringing out her eyes as it swayed in the wind. She looked so innocent, so perfect.

I looked at Duke, and he nodded before going to join Grant and Andrew.

"Hey...I thought you weren't coming." I answered, walking towards where she stood on the edge of the sideline.

She smiled again, laughter showing in her eyes. "I wouldn't miss this."

Right when the words left her mouth, just like some many times before I suddenly felt calm. All the confusion and worries I had slipping away, it was as if everything that had happened before didn't matter. This was us. Here, now.

I didn't reply, all I could do was smile and take a step closer to her.

"I wouldn't miss this." She said again, taking my hand. She looked down at our intertwined finger before looking back up at me.

Then she did something I didn't expect. She stood up on her tip-toes and lightly pressed her lips to mine. It was sweet and gentle, so light it felt like the brush of the wind. It made my heart do a stupid little flip and my brain turn into mush.

"Oyi Hastings! Get your little fancy fanny back out here and warm up." Coach Dinklage yelled from the middle of the field.

I finally opened my eyes, I could feel the goofy love-sick look that was plastered on my face but I didn't care.

"She's my good luck charm Coach! Don't worry." I yelled back.

Olivia laughed lightly and squeezed my hand. "Good luck." She whispered, then just like the wind she was gone. I watched her walk into the stands, her blue dress standing out in the mass of red and black.

I turned around and went back to warming up. I felt good. Goosebumps showed on my arms. I was elated, my blood pumping quick.

She had this affect on me, she was it.

- - - -ZzZzZzZ - - - -

"Oompph." I let out as I hit the grass for the fifth time in this half.

We were up 3 to 1 on Mountainview in the last 15 minutes of the second half but this guy on me was not letting up.

"You okay there big shot?" He asked, as he stepped over me. I stood up and dusted myself off, not even bothering to reply.

The guy was just pissed at me because whenever I run past his girlfriend she says something to me. And if I didn't know any better I would think the girl was single. But of all the comments he's making about staying away from his girlfriend I may be wrong.

At first I tried to tell him she's just a little cheery, being that she is a cheerleader an all. But he wasn't buying it, and he was getting more pissed because I was no longer replying to any of his smart remarks.

I was so tired of his foolishness that I needed release. So I did the one thing I could think to do. I looked up into the stands, my eyes finding what I wanted. She was staring back at me and she smiled. I made the mistake of waving at her, and I guess you can say this is where the real trouble started.

The ball was being played on our half on the opposite side of where I stood with Mr. crazy boyfriend; whose name turned out to be Clint. What a douche right?

He caught my wave, and followed my line of sight before he spoke.

"Aye your girl is real nice." He said lowly.

"What?" My eyes watched him as he stepped closer to me.

"What I meant was, your girl was good last night." He replied, a twisted smile on his mouth.

His statement surprised me and I rolled my eyes. I knew Clint was lying but for some reason that fire in my stomach raged again. "Yeah I bet." I said.

Suddenly I had enough with this guy's antics. It was fine when he was just trying to get a rise out of me but now bringing _her_ into this really was the last straw.

For a split second I thought about punching him, but then I remembered just how much my hand hurt after I punched Danny at Homecoming. So I resorted to option two. If he wants to mess with my girl, two can play at that game.

So I did something that in my right mind I would never think to do. Just as the ball was passed to me I quickly played it so we would both run past where the Mountainview cheerleaders stood. I looked to make sure we were right in front of Clint's girl before I quickly crossed the ball over to Duke. After I did so I walked closer to the sidelines my gaze locked on hers. I spoke loud enough so Clint would easily hear.

"Hey, come see me when your boyfriend isn't around." I said as flirtatiously as I could.

She smiled shyly and I turned on my heels back to a fuming Clint.

"Yours was even better." I said with a wink.

And with that I began to trot towards the oncoming easy pass from Andrew feeling like I bested him, but before I could reach the ball my body was yanked backwards and suddenly I was on the ground. I didn't have time to react to the punch coming towards my left eye and momentarily I saw stars. Somebody landed a kick to my ribs and a punch in my stomach before I realized what was going on.

I was in the middle of a mosh pitt of fighting teenage soccer players. Whistles were being blown left and right but I couldn't get up.

I guess I should have punched the guy first after all.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

My feet carried me through the darkened tunnel, through the boy's locker room, and into the trainer's room.

They looked up as I entered but my eyes were only on one of them.

Viola sat on one of the medical examining beds, the trainer checking her eyesight.

Viola patted the trainer on the shoulder as she spoke, "It's okay Doc I'm in good hands."

The trainer nodded and smiled as he walked past me, most likely to go and make sure nothing crazy happens in the last 7 minutes of the game.

I walked over to her, taking the ice pack out of her hands and placing it on her left eye where a cut was being to welt up.

She winced at the contact and looked up at me. "Some game huh?" She asked, a slight chuckle coming out.

I didn't at all think the incident was funny. I was mad that she would get herself into a situation like that, a situation where I couldn't even tell if she was okay. My stomach dropped just like it had when I could no longer see her as the mass of soccer players overtook her slender frame.

"You were instigating him Vi. I watched you, you couldn't have possibly thought that he was just going to let you walk away from him. I don't know what you said but he looked like he was going to take your head off. I don't think you understand how bad this potentially could have been." I said, worry etched in my strained voice.

"The guy was on me since the beginning Liv." She began. "Then he started saying things about you and-" She paused, casting her eyes down to where her hands were balled into fists. "And my judgement was clouded, I acted out impulsively."

She did all that because of me? I didn't want to push it but I wanted to know. "What did he say?" I asked, as nonchalantly as I could manage.

She took a deep breath. "He said that you were good last night."

I laughed and she shook her head a small smile playing on her full lips. "Since you were out last night and not with me, I didn't really know. I mean I knew he was lying but just the thought of it really messed me up." She said, honesty filling her voice.

So she was wary of the thought that I was with someone else? For the second time this week my heart flipped. She's so cute when she gets jealous.

"I wasn't with anyone last night Vi. But please let's not do this again because I was really worried. It was like you were just gobbled up." I said.

"Yeah I know. I'm sorry I worried you Liv." Viola replied. "It was stupid of me, and I was just thinking, my wig could have came off or the Doc could have asked me about my ribs then everything would have been blown. I mean I have 3 days left, I can't have that happen." She said simply. A laugh escaping in the process.

My heart dropped, just 3 days.

"You're so nonchalant about it." I said, avoiding eye-contact with her.

"About what...leaving?" She questioned. I said nothing, so she continued. "I mean I'm tired of this wig and wrapping my boobs is hindering my breathing abilities."

"That's not what I meant." I choked out. I didn't want to cry but I could feel the tears pushing against my eyelids. I dropped the ice pack from her face, and turned on my heels.

"Liv!" She called after me. "What's wrong?"

I didn't reply. I couldn't...as I tried to stop the tears from falling.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I stood outside her door unsure of what to do. I mean I was in a good mood at least, being that we had won the game in the end 4 - 1, but after she walked out of the training room, there was that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't wash away.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard some shuffling on the other side and when the door opened, Addison stood before me, a stern look on her face.

"Uh hey Addison, is Olivia here?" I asked.

Addison pushed the door open more revealing the blonde beauty sitting on her bed.

I stepped into the room slowly. "Hey Liv...can we talk?" I asked her, looking from her to Addison.

Addison gave Olivia a look I easily caught. A look I got numerous times from Yvonne, Kia, and Paul when Justin would come over to apologize for being a dick. A look that screamed, "Are you sure I should leave, because I can kick him out if you want!"

Olivia nodded subtly and Addison walked out without a word.

I locked the door behind her then slipped of my wig letting my hair fall down my back. I then sat down next to Olivia on her bed.

I rubbed my hands against my pants, trying to rid myself of the nervous feeling that suddenly bubbled in my stomach.

"Liv I'm sorry I acted like that." I started.

She sighed and looked down. "It's fine Vi, it's just...you're leaving in three days and you just don't seem to care anymore."

"Liv, I'm still going to see you...It'll still be the same." Right as the words left my mouth I knew they were a lie, and I wished I could take them back. I knew it wouldn't be the same.

I couldn't quite make out what she said next; although we sat so close to each other my ears strained to hear her voice. But it sounded something like, "It won't be the same, we won't be."

When I looked at her I knew we were thinking the same thing. No matter how many times I try to tell myself it will be okay, it won't be. Once Monday comes there would be no us anymore. I would no longer walk the halls of Illyria with her hand in mine.

"Don't worry about it alright? It will be fine." I tried again, to not only reassure her but reassure myself.

She didn't say anything as she stared back at me. She lifted her hand and touched my face lightly. Right where the bruise was beginning to form around my left eye and the skin was raw. I winced but I didn't pull away from her featherlight touch.

The air suddenly got thicker, and I couldn't breathe. I was frozen as I watched in awe as her face broke out into a sad smile.

"My beautiful rugged warrior." She whispered. Her hot breath tickling my face, jump-starting my blood.

We sat like that for what felt like hours but in reality was only a few seconds. Her hand on my face, us breathing the same air.

Her eyes were sad and suddenly her smile faltered. She dropped her hand and my face burned from the missing contact.

She sighed and then stood up. My hand instinctively grabbed hers, pulling her back down. She sat there half on my lap, half on the bed.

"No don't." I said, desperation filling the air. "Don't run from me."

I didn't know what I was doing... but it felt right.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

When I stood up I intended to just get some space. Breathe some air that wasn't hers too.

We were too close. I wanted it but I didn't know if she did too.

She was leaving me...leaving us. And I was desperate for her, desperate to have her for as long as time would allow. But I was afraid, afraid to take it.

Then I was pulled back down, half on top of her and half where I just seconds before sat.

"No don't." I watched her lips form those words. "Don't run from me."

Run? I couldn't run, I was hooked. I was so deep in love that I couldn't escape it. I didn't want to.

She picked me up and stood up. She placed my feet on the ground slowly then cupped my face.

Her hands were warm and I closed my eyes at the contact.

"Vi - " I tried but she cut me off.

"Don't Liv... just don't think." She whispered.

The she was there. That mouth that so desperately kept me awake at night was on mine.

And I did as she asked me to. I didn't think, I couldn't.


	23. Chapter 22

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 22:

* * *

><p>I wish I could say that I made it until Saturday without so much of being with Viola every waking moment. Without inhaling her every chance I. Without stealing kisses and everything else in between. I wish I could say that I haven't fallen so deep in love, that when she leaves, a part of me is leaving too. A part I know I will never be the same without.<p>

My heart.

But wishing for something is usually never the same as the reality. And my reality is nothing like my wishes.

Ever since our night together after her game on Wednesday it's has been like I can't get enough of her. Like we can't get enough of each other. Once she signed her commitment letter this past Thursday I just about lost it. But just as quickly as I fell she lifted me back up and I haven't been down ever since.

I know she's leaving in thirty or so hours and I know that nothing will never be like it is with us now, I know that the only thing I can do is accept it. Nothing is going to change tomorrow. She's going to be gone.

But I'm no longer running from the fact. I wish I could have run, but I couldn't. I'm never going to run.

My eyes are closed, my breathing is slow and steady. But I feel more alive than ever. When I finally open my eyes the sun is cascading through my window, lighting up my room.

I flipped my body over, searching for the warmth that carried me through the night. But I come up empty.

Slowly I sat up and gazed around my room. The clock's large digital numbers blink red at me. 10:48. Saturday morning.

It's too early. I just wanted to lay down and remember everything from last night. Ever touch, ever sound, every thing. So that's what I began to do until a flash of white sitting on my desk caught my eye. It sat there like a finger football waiting to be kicked.

Olivia breathe and move, I told myself. So I do. My feet carried me to my desk and I opened the paper up and there was her messy Sebastian scrawl.

_Liv,_

_I'm sorry about leaving without a word, _

_you just looked so peaceful and beautiful. _

_That look...I didn't want to break that, _

_I don't want to lose that. _

_I'll see you at the game. _

_ - you know who _

My heart fluttered and I felt a smile fall across my face. I laughed at the way she signed her name. She wouldn't sign it Viola, in fear that Addison or some other person would get to it before me. But she didn't dare sign it Sebastian. She wasn't Sebastian to me anymore. She hadn't been for a long time now. She was Viola. My Viola.

Just as I started to close the note a loud knock came from the other side of my door.

"Put some clothes on you nasty kids, I'm coming in!" Addison yelled from the other side of the door.

I laughed as I watched her open the door, her free hand covering her eyes.

"You can uncover your eyes Addison." I said, as she slowly took her hand down.

"Jesus Liv could you be any more obvious. Your outfit screams "crazy sex with my boyfriend last night"." Addison said, as she stared at me, her eyes wide.

I looked down at my clothes and instantly I feel the blush hitting my face. I'm wearing Viola's white t-shirt she wore the night before, it's not very large being that she only wore a sweatshirt last night. Therefore, the shirt just barely hits my bottom, my Victoria Secret underwear on full display.

"Oh God sorry." I said as I picked up some Illyria cross-country shorts lying on the ground.

I slipped them on while Addison stared at me with a smile.

"You're so in love!" She swooned.

"Shut-up!" I yelled laughing at her, while I tried to pick up the clothes all over the floor.

"Look Livie I know you are. I wouldn't be surprised if you asked me to be the maid of honor at your wedding." She quipped, plopping down onto her.

Wedding? We would never make it that far. We weren't even going to make it to Monday.

- - - - ZzZzZzZz - - - -

This was it. The last time I would be sitting in this locker room, surrounded by these guys...my family, my boys. It was bittersweet.

I'm happy that it happened, that I did this. That _being Sebastian_ for as long as I have been, amounted to me making these close bonds and being able to contribute to this soccer team. I'm happy that my dream to attend North Carolina has come true.

But having to leave these people tomorrow, without so much as a backwards glance was going to be hard. Having to leave _her_ tomorrow, would be harder. But I have to do it. This isn't my place...it's Sebastian's, and I'm my not brother despite how hard I have tried.

"Okay boys, this is what we have been working for. This is your title, your glory." Coach Dinklage said calmly, his accent making his voice strong and demanding. "You have worked your little fannies all season, this is it. Now go out there and show them what Illyria soccer is all about."

The team erupted. We were pumped, my blood already flowing. This was my last time with these guys, and I'm not about to let them down.

As we ran out onto the field I felt even more alive. The sea of black and red waiting for us like loyal soldiers.

I looked into the crowd. Searching for her. Searching for the girl I was so desperately in love with it scared me shitless, but a love nonetheless I would never replace.

Then there she was. Standing on the bleachers her head higher than those around her. She smiled and waved and just like that I felt calm, my nerves falling away. When she was around, everything was better.

Everything was just better.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. I was beyond nervous. I was biting my nails furiously and hopping from one foot to the other.

This game really was about to make me have an anxiety attack. Not only was St. James a really good soccer team but they seemed to not even be tired, whereas Duke and Viola both looked like they were about to pass out from exhaustion. They had been all over the field, Duke scoring one goal from Viola's cross, but their twenty or so other attempts have left them empty-handed and fatigued.

It was 1 to 1 and the time was winding down. I'm really not sure if the game were to go into extra time, because of the tie, if we would come out on top. Something needed to be done. I boost of energy needed to be found within the team.

"Start the black and red cheer." I said nudging Addison. The usually lively red and black mass was unnaturally quiet, most people looking nervous; they knew that time was not in our favor.

Addison nodded at me before cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Who's gonna bring the blood and pain!" Addison yelled.

"Black and red!" Those around us yelled in reply.

As Addison continued to repeat the words the responses grew in numbers. And soon everyone in the crowd was jumping up and down with their usual life.

And just like that the Illyria boys looked like they were playing harder. Only a minute and three seconds remained in the second half. I looked down at my hands folded and pushed a silent prayer up to the soccer gods.

When I looked up, Toby had the ball and was dribbling down the sideline, he quickly passed to Andrew, who then crossed it over to Duke. I held my breath as he dribbled through the defenders and then launched the ball into the air toward where Viola was.

I watched in awe as she jumped in the air, her body moving in a fluid motion toward the incoming ball. And in one swift motion she bicycled kicked the ball into the back of the net.

I went wild and felt myself being picked up. Everyone in the crowd was hugging and jumping around. And as St. James tried for an attempt in the last ten seconds at a shot on goal and missed, we immediately like every other win ran onto the field.

When my feet landed onto the green grass I launched myself into her waiting arms.

"We did it Liv! We're state champs!" She yelled into my ear.

I couldn't even reply as she smiled and twirled me around in her arms. She was so happy, genuinely happy. And as her lips touched mine, I latched onto that feeling, the feeling that I get everytime I'm in her arms.

It was home.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

The usual victory party at Hudson's was in full swing. Everyone was laughing and hugging and reminiscing on the perfect season that the Illyria soccer team had.

But Viola and I were in our usual spot. "The golden couples chair" everybody called it, in Hudson's large front room. This was how it was supposed to be, surronded by friends, with the one you love.

We had been laughing and kissing all night. More than usual most likely but we didn't care, this was the last time we would ever be like this. Like us.

I was so wrapped up in Viola's eyes that I didn't see Duke stand up on Hudson's dinner table.

"Hey everybody listen up!" He yelled, and instantly the room fell silent. The music was paused and everyone turned to look at Duke.

"I'm very proud of these boys, these boys are my family. And we are finally state champs!" Duke said with a smile, and the house erupted. He silenced the crowd with a hand. "But I would like to propose a toast." He began, raising his red cup into the air. "To the one guy who brought our team together, the one guy who made us a stronger family than ever before. I would like to make a toast to my best friend, Sebastian Hastings." And just like that the house erupted again.

"To Sebastian!" Duke yelled over the screaming.

"To Sebastian!"

And with that the music came on again, and the party continued.

I turned to Viola, and she had tears in her eyes.

I kissed them away and rested my forehead on hers.

"I don't want this to end." She whispered to me.

"I know...I know." I replied, locking my arms around her neck.

She just nodded as our lips touched. Our kiss was hungry, it was powerful. We knew this was our last chance, everything felt so simple and natural on the outside. We were here, showing our affection, sharing our love with our friends. This was real; or as real as this reality truly was.

"Get a room will ya?" I heard Hudson yell.

We pulled apart and turned to our friends with a laugh.

Viola pulled me closer as she replied, "This is a victory party and I'm showing you guys my most prized trophy."

"Aww." I heard all the girls coo together in unison.

I just threw my head back and laughed. Viola kissed my neck lightly.

"I love your laugh." She murmured into my neck.

I smiled and brought her lips back up to mine. "How about that room?" I asked agaisnt her lips.

She smiled and nodded. She picked me up off her lap and set me down. I led the way to "our" room. The room that started it all.

So here we were again. Hands all over each other, trying to memorize every twist, every line, every curve of each other. Drinking each other in until we were satisfied. This love. This girl. She was undeniable.

But something was different this time. Her hands were stronger, more forceful than the countless times before. The way her body crowded mine was more evident, I couldn't escape it...not that I ever wanted to.

But her kisses. They didn't feel like before. They didn't scream at me saying _I love you_ or _I want to be with you forever_. These were more urgent almost desperate.

And when I pulled away to take in a breath, I gazed into those beautiful green eyes and suddenly I knew what those kisses felt like.

They felt like _goodbye_.


	24. Chapter 23: Part I

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 23: Part I

* * *

><p>I hate this feeling. You know that feeling you get when you wake up and just know that the coming day isn't going to be good. That something is coming that you know for a fact just may ruin every ounce of being you have built up to be at that point.<p>

It's like waking up to a midterm you know you're going to fail. Or waking up with a massive hangover that paralyzes your body and your mind. But above all of these scenarios and so many others, I'm dreading the worst of them all.

I have_ that _feeling...that feeling you get when you have to say goodbye...

I didn't want to move. I didn't want to do anything that would acknowledge this day. Anything and everything that was today. But time waits for no one; not even a love-sick teenager wary of a broken heart.

I sat up in my bed, my body tingling from the night before. Those soft caresses, that sexy voice, those beautiful green orbs that I lose myself in, that soft body curled around mine, those words spoken to me so breathlessly I barely caught them..._"I love you Olivia"_. Every time I thought about us, her and I last night, together possibly for the last time, I had to will myself to stop because it hurt too much.

I've tried to think of how it would be if I wouldn't have suggested us being together as "Sebastian & Olivia". Maybe this whole thing between us could have been avoided. Maybe we would have been able to part with no strings attached and my heart wouldn't leave as she did. Maybe I wouldn't have had _this_ feeling. Maybe I wouldn't be terrified to the point of wanting to never leave the comforts of my room. Maybe I wouldn't cry at just the thought of never seeing her again...of there never being an us again.

But I know that despite all my efforts, I'm wrong. I know that the pain in my chest would still be there. I know I would still be helpless to the fact that I might lose her forever.

Viola.

She was so much more to me now than anyone had ever been before. In just the short amount of time that she appeared in my life she has managed to imprint herself so deeply into my being...that without her I don't know who I would be. I don't know what _this Olivia _is without everything that was Viola. Because at some point you realize that all those romantic comedies and love stories in movies and in books hold some truth.

They show you just how thoroughly _someone_ can change your life. Just how thoroughly _someone_ can change who you thought you were for the longest time. Just how thoroughly _someone_ can change you for the better. Just how thoroughly your love for _someone_ can take over and encompass you with emotions you never thought possible. And they show you just how hard it is to hold onto that _someone_.

But unlike all those movies and books, life isn't always a happy ending. After you lose that _someone_, sometimes you never get them back. And that's the one thing that scares me the most.

I wish I could say that Viola and I know what we are. That our relationship has been labeled; solidified to the tee. That it exists somewhere Sebastian never existed... somewhere where who he was never mattered. I wish I could say that everything between us was figured out and you don't have to worry, because we'll be the us I always wanted. But the saddest part about it all is that I can't even begin to get the words out.

I honestly don't know what to do. We avoided talking about all of this: this moment, this feeling, the future. I don't know what to expect. And now that it's here I don't know how to handle it.

Do I fight?

Or let her go?


	25. Chapter 23: Part II

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 23: Part II

* * *

><p>I've never been one who was good at goodbyes. I've never been that girl who can throw on a brave face when I have to leave the ones I truly care about to go back to something old or go into something new.<p>

So many things have happened to me while I've _been Sebastian_ for these last four months. I mean things have happened that in my wildest dreams I would have never thought to be true. I came to Illyria to do one thing; that was to play soccer. I didn't expect to become the hot shot around the school. I didn't expect to have friends I knew that if I stayed I would have them for life. I didn't expect to get into two fights, both over a certain blonde. And I didn't expect to fall in love.

When I first came to Illyria I felt like a fish out of water. A total foreigner. But I was embraced. And leaving this place was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I sat in my room waiting for Duke to come back so I could tell him first. My bags were all packed, the room that had become my home was now going to be someone else's.

Just as I was about to grab my backpack the door swung open and in walked the guy who had quickly become my best friend.

"Wassup Bastian? You ready to head over to Hudson's before - " He stopped as his eyes landed on my packed bags.

"Going somewhere?" He asked confused.

I nodded and began, "I got a call to play overseas."

"Man that's great! For when summer? But why are your bags packed, you leaving early for Thanksgiving?" He asked again.

"No it's not for summer. I'm going tomorrow, since Thanksgiving break is coming up I'm going to play a little bit in a showcase...then see where it goes from there." I said trying to keep my voice from wavering.

"So you won't be coming back then?" Duke questioned. I could see the sadness play with his features as he sat down on my now sheet-less bed.

"I don't know Duke." I told him. But I do know, I know Sebastian will never be back here. I hate lying to him, I hate lying to a guy who has become my best friend. It sucks to have to give him hope, to try and let him know that there is a chance I would be back...but I wouldn't.

"Well." Duke said, standing up and extending his hand to me. "You're my best bro man, you better be coming back."

I grasped his hand tightly and he pulled me into a brotherly embrace. This whole thing was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

"I'll let Hudson know we are changing the party to a goodbye BBQ alright? So be down in the lounge in fifteen minutes...I'll take care of it all." Duke said as he shuffled out of the room.

Just before he shut the door I called out to him.

"Yeah man?" He questioned.

"Thank you for everything Duke. You're my best bro too. "

He smiled then shut the door to the room.

I sat down on the bed and pushed my face into my hands. I only planned on saying goodbye to the boys and to _her_. And I knew that that was going to be hard enough. But damnit saying goodbye to the whole damn school, I don't know if I can make it through.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Standing in a sea of people, all talking about their finest memories with their beloved soccer star was beginning to put me on edge.

I knew Viola didn't plan this. I knew she didn't want this to become a big ordeal. But it had become just that.

Almost everyone on campus was smashed into Asher Hall for "Sebastian's Going Away BBQ", that to my surprise was assembled in just an hour.

I was trying to be cool under fire but it was difficult. Every single girl and some guys were cornering me asking if we were going to stay together. Or asking how I was going to handle "the love of my life" leaving. I honestly had no answer to these questions but luckily Viola was right there beside me, placing soft kisses on my forehead whenever someone would approach us.

"Look Liv, I hate to admit it but you and your lover boy here are honestly the only couple any of us thinks will last." Addison began. "Trust me...we voted! I mean seriously you two are the cutest thing to ever walk the halls of this place." She enumerated pushing Hudson away as he grabbed her from behind.

"If you guys don't make it through this...there really is no hope for the rest of us." And with those last words to us, she let Hudson carry her away to where Toby was manning the food line.

I looked up at Viola and she was starring right back down at me. "If only they knew huh?" I huffed as I pushed away from her grasp.

"Liv don't - " She started but she was cut off as the mic was cleared.

"Hey quiet down everybody!" Duke said as the crowd silenced themselves. "Alright so I know that we all are gathered here today to say goodbye to someone who has only been in our lives for a few months. But he has brought life to not only our soccer team but our school." Duke paused to let the cheers and hollers ring out. "Sebastian Hastings has become my best friend, and although I don't want him to leave us just yet, I know I have to let him do what he's got to do."

I felt Viola's arms wrap around my waist and I couldn't help but lean back into the touch. I fit into her so easily... this was where I always wanted to be.

"Sebastian come on up here will yah?" Duke asked as he looked out into the crowd of kids.

Viola detached her arms from my waist and kissed me lightly on the cheek before moving through the crowd to where Duke stood on one of the tables. When Viola stood up onto the table the place went ballistic.

She smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. I knew this was killing her. Being here. Having to lie to everyone even more than she already had.

"Well I want to thank all of you for coming here and spending my last day here with me. You don't know how much this means to me and I'm honestly so thankful for all the support and love you all have shown me these past few months." I watched as her eyes scanned the crowd and then they landed on me. "I hope that I can be back here with all of you soon, but if not this has been a wild ride. And I just want all of you to know that if anybody touches that girl right there." Viola said pointing at me. "You will be sorry." She finished and the whole room burst out into a mixture of laughter and applause.

"Illyra till I die!" Viola yelled before she stepped of the table, her body being swallowed up as people launched themselves onto her saying their goodbyes.

"You going to be okay Livie?" Dani asked from beside me. Tears burned my eyes as I watched Viola, Hudson, Duke, Toby, Grant, and Andrew all embrace in a large group hug.

"I don't know Dani. I really don't know." I told her honestly. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"You love him right?" She whispered into me ear.

I nodded against her shoulder. "Then you fight Livie, don't give up. Because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that Sebastian Hastings would do anything for you. He loves you Livie...so fight." She finished, pushing me back from her.

She looked over my head and smiled. Danielle gave me a reassuring wink before turning on her heals and walking away.

Just as I was about to protest I felt those warm arms wrap around me again. I turned around and Viola laid her forehead against mine, a sad smile playing on her perfect features.

"I'm going to go up with the guys and get all my stuff, the cab is going to be here in thirty minutes. Wait for me by the steps?" She asked, as she took my hands in hers.

I nodded, sadness washing over me like a tidal wave. Thirty minutes...that's all the time I had until I might lose her forever.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I waited on the steps just where she asked me to. Twenty minutes had already gone by. My palms were sweaty and my hands shook. So many scenarios ran through my mind as I waited for her. So many times I thought about just leaving, but each time I stayed rooted in my spot knowing I had to do this. Not just for her. Not just for us. But for me.

Suddenly I heard the sound of boyish laughter and looked up to see "Sebastian's boys" all huddled around Viola carrying her different bags.

They walked down with Viola, all wearing the same sad smile.

"Alright man, we'll leave you two." Andrew said as he hugged Viola tightly. "You da man Sebastian." He said with a laugh.

Hudson, Grant, and Toby all followed suit. Each hug and goodbye breaking my heart into smaller and smaller remnants.

Duke was last, most of the boys already making their way back to the top of the stairs.

"You're my brother man. Remember that alright?" Duke advised as he brought Viola in for a bear hug. "Call me when you get there bro." He finished, whipping his eyes slightly. He turned to me and gave me a quick hug and a sad smile before running up the stairs to catch up with the other boys.

Now it was just us. It was exactly how we started. Unable to say what we felt, but unwilling to let go.

I have never been here before. Waiting for the end of something I want. Something I have that I love.

"So this is it?" Viola finally spoke.

Her question surprised me for a second. Something popped internally and suddenly I wasn't nervous anymore. I had nothing to lose essentially, but I had everything I wanted to gain.

"Are you ever going to say it?" I asked her, my mind clear.

"Say what?"

"Say what that "it" is. Are you saying that "it" is you leaving Illyria and all that's going to change is me not seeing you everyday? Or do you mean that "it" " I paused, motioning between us. "Is over?"

"I-I." Viola sighed and looked at the ground. "Look Liv, I've never done this before. I've never been here, with anyone. And this is so new to me I really just don't know what to do. I'm scared Liv. I'm afraid of what this is. It's easy for me to be dressed like this and be everything you need because that's all I know. I know what a good boyfriend should embody...but a good girlfriend...I haven't mastered. I just don't know Liv. And honestly you deserve someone who knows." She finished, finally looking up at me.

Someone who knows?

Then it hit me. Everything finally made sense. Viola and I...we were in the same position all along. Afraid of something we didn't understand. She didn't want to be with me because she didn't know how. We've never been here before...in love with someone we would never even have thought twice about if the circumstances would have been normal.

I opened and closed my mouth trying to riffle through my brain to find the right words. Something...anything.

"Liv?" She asked, her voice sounding worried.

I ignored her and looked to my left and my eyes fell over the soccer stadium. The one thing that had brought her here but couldn't keep her.

Then I knew. I finally understood that I was that thing. That thing that could keep her.

I took a breath, my eyes turning back to meet her greens.

"I don't care if you don't know Vi...because I don't either. I don't care if people will talk. I don't care if people will question this. I'm in the same position as you. I have never been here before; I have never felt this way about anyone before let alone a girl. But I don't want to run from this because it's foreign. I want to embrace it...I want to accept everything that this is." I paused to look over at the field again. A sad smile slipping across my face. "I love you...and I'm willing to try if you are." I finished turning my head back to her.

Viola's eyes were glazed over, she was stared at the ground and kicked her feet against the pavement.

"Are you in love with me or with Sebastian?" She whispered the question so softly I barely heard.

I thought about it for a second, already knowing the answer. It was interesting to hear her ask...she really didn't know.

I heard myself laugh and her eyes shot back up to meet mine. "I may have fallen for you before I knew who you really were Vi...but what you don't get is that it was always you. Being Sebastian didn't change who you were on the inside...just on the surface. And even after you told me...the feelings never went away; honestly if anything they got stronger." I stepped forward, intertwining our fingers. "I fell for you the moment I bumped into you outside of Gold's office, even despite the fact that you asked me if Anthropologie had shoes. You were different and I didn't know at the time but I know now. You are Sebastian Viola...he isn't you." I took a breath and stepped forward again. "And it was always you Vi."

She smiled the first real smile I had seen all day. Her eyes squinting and her teeth on full display. It was that goofy smile that I loved. The one I would always love.

"I love you Liv. And I'm willing to try too." She said. And with that she closed the gap between us and I was in heaven.

The kiss was slow, as if we were trying to memorize just how the other moved. Her arms were locked tightly around my waist, and mine were locked around her neck.

We fit perfectly together...just like I always knew.

Just as we both came up for air the cab rolled to a stop in front of us.

She held me tightly. My head in the crook of her neck. "This isn't goodbye Liv...I promise." She voiced.

I watched as the cab driver loaded the last of her luggage into the back.

"You ready sir?" He asked and Viola nodded. She placed one last kiss on my lips before jumping into the waiting cab.

Her words played over and over in my head. _This isn't goodbye Liv_. And maybe it wasn't, but as the cab pulled away from me and my eyes filled with tears I couldn't shake _that _feeling. You know that sinking feeling you get when you watch the one you love leave.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

It was unsettling to realize that I was never going to see any of those faces again. Well there was a slight possibility but really I was never going to see them again just as they saw me. Just as they knew me as. A boy, a teammate, homecoming king. Mr. Illyria, a soccer stud, a roommate, boyfriend to the most beautiful girl in school, and lastly a friend.

I would never get any of that back. I was no longer Sebastian Hastings; and I would never be again.

But I honestly I never thought I'd be here. In a cab leaving my home, my friends, _her_.

Crying is something I'd never thought I'd do _being Sebastian_. But I was wrong. Tears streamed down my face and my breath came out in short ragged spurts.

I was leaving this life. I was leaving the people I cared about. My stomach was churning faster and faster as I drove farther and farther away from Illyria.

The reasons I had to stay at Illyria were endless. But the reasons I had to leave were as well. _Being Sebastian _wasn't who I was. I wasn't the super hunky soccer star, with the charm to whip any girl's pants right off. I wasn't half of the golden couple at Illyria. I wasn't Sebastian Hastings. I would never be.

As I turned to take a last glance at the place I was leaving, I saw the outline of _her_. Standing just where I had left her, and as we turned the corner tears washed over me again but a smile also played on my lips.

I didn't know where I was going from here. But I knew that as long as I had _her_...

Anything could happen.


	26. Epilogue

Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Epilogue:

* * *

><p>It had been twenty-four hours since I had seen her. Twenty-four hours turned into three days. Three days turned into a week. A week turned into a month. One month turned into four, then four turned into eight. Eight months. One hundred sixty - seven days since she had told me that it wasn't goodbye for us. That whatever we had...wasn't over. That we were both going to try.<p>

But more than half a year had gone by. 8 months. I hadn't even known Viola for that long before she left and resumed her old life. And I can say at this moment, sitting in the outdoor auditorium at my high school graduation that Viola and I... we didn't try, at least not like we promised. Like I promised myself.

I mean how can we even go about it? How can I tell my friends and pretty much everyone behind "the golden couple" that I was in love with Viola. Viola Hastings, sister of one Sebastian Hastings...their undisputed leader and my supposed boyfriend. The guy who was in Amsterdam playing soccer, a school wide hero. A hero who wasn't the guy they thought he was.

We weren't willing to risk everything...and I guess that was our downfall. For three months I stared at my acceptance letter from Duke, wondering if this was the risk I had to take. But then I would look at my letter from Berkley, pinned to my bulletin board and wonder if it was worth it. If me being closer to her would bring us back together.

The sun was beating down on me and the wind whirling through the hair falling down my back under my red cap. Me. Olivia Lennox. Said Queen of the Illyria senior class...but without her King.

Obviously if your boyfriend is miles and miles away with no intention of coming back, you have to put an end to the relationship. So I told everyone that our break-up was mutual. Tears and loving words were shed but in the end it couldn't save Sebastian and I, being that _Sebastian_ would never be back.

The backlash of our breakup was astounding. Girls and guys alike felt sorry for Sebastian and I. They preached to me how perfect we were for each other, and how in the end we would most likely get back together when he got back to America. They just knew. And for a second I believed them. But then reality struck and I thought ... if only they really knew.

"Hey Liv, you alright?" Duke asked from behind me.

I turned around in my chair, tuning out Principal Gold's speech, and looked at Duke. Just like it had been eight months for me not seeing the person I thought about countless times throughout my days, it had been eight months since Duke had heard from his best friend.

He looked at me with a sad expression as if reading my mind. "Yeah I'm alright Duke." I said, trying to give him a reassuring smile. But I knew it didn't reach my eyes.

I turned back around and tried to pick up on whatever Gold was yapping about but then I heard Duke's voice in my ear. "It's okay Liv, I miss him too."

And just like that I spiraled down, lost in my own head; trying to fight the sludge and the walls that separated Viola from me.

Living in my head for the past eight months, recounting everything we had and everything I could have done with the whole situation made me realize something.

Guys like Sebastian don't exist.

They may exist in your fantasies and dreams but never in reality. Guys like Sebastian don't exist because the way he thought wasn't like most guys. Sebastian thought like a woman because he was one, and although it is justified to say that many men do think like women, they most of the time aren't interested in them.

But for everyone out there who is lucky enough to find someone who makes them feel complete, comfortable, safe, and loved in the ways you can only imagine, hold onto them and never let go... like I'm still trying to do with her.

"Jordan Lamb." Principal Gold's voice reverberated through the auditorium, jolting me from the mess within my head.

I looked around and realized I was standing. Four people away from when I would receive my high school diploma and never see 90% of these people again.

It's crazy to think about. To look out into the mass of red and black for the last time and still look for the one person I knew wasn't there.

"Haley Lancaster." Three people.

Sometimes I've thought that all that happened during the first months of my senior year was a dream. An illusion of sorts. I mean it's not everyday a girl falls in love with a guy, whom in fact is a girl in disguise. An it's even rarer that that said girl falls deeper and deeper in love despite the fact that they know said guy is a girl.

"Reed Lazuras." Two.

But my life was a dream those first months. It was everything I wanted, everything I could have hoped for. However, Viola and I weren't ready then to make the dream our reality. We weren't ready to love each other without outside influences and our walls completely down. We may have said we were, but the present situation speaks for itself.

"Neil Ledler." One.

After she left I dreamed that we ended up being everything I wanted. The us I wanted since the beginning. We were happy, surrounded by our friends like we always were. Nobody cared, and we didn't either. We were in love. But somewhere within each time I dreamt about this, it crumbled. Viola went to North Carolina and I threw away my Duke acceptance letter and went on my own path to UC Berkley. We never looked back, we never spoke, our love fading with time. We were no longer friends, and our friends never knew about us. And then I would wake up wondered which was my reality.

"Olivia Lennox." I made my way across the stage, hugging the man that brought Viola and I together. Then I looked out at my class, their faces plastered with congratulatory smiles and their hands clapping in excitement.

It was then that I felt myself smile, the first real one in what seemed like forever. It was then that I knew which was my reality.

But you never know...anything could happen.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

When you live as someone your not for so long it becomes apart of your identity. Then your identity becomes what you're trying to hide from. _Being Sebastian_ gave me an excuse to wear a mask. This mask gave me a way to express the emotions I never knew existed; and I wore it for four months throughout the halls of Illyria.

Saying Illyria changed my life is an understatement. It was the place where my dream of playing college soccer became reality. It was the place where I understood what real hygiene was, which is quite important. It was the place where I made friends I so desperately wanted back. It was the place I experienced first hand what heartbreak really felt like. And lastly it was the place where I experienced love. And isn't that what everyone wants? To love and to be loved? Yeah, Illyria gave me that opportunity. So saying Illyria changed my life really is an understatement because it changed everything. Every single damned thing.

Looking back on my life, I can list so many moments where I know I royally fucked up. But not talking to Olivia for the last ten months is at the top of that list. So many things would be different right now if I just would have swallowed my fears and took the necessary steps it took to be with her. I mean it was what I said I was going to do.

But actions speak louder than words. And it took me ten months to long to shed the mask that was Sebastian.

At first I tried to just resume my old life, but every single day I would walk the halls of Cornwall searching for a certain blonde that would never be found on that campus.

I tried to be the best girlfriend I could for Mitch but he knew that something was missing. He knew that I didn't feel for him what I felt for, what he believed, some other guy.

I tried to forget about _her_; go to parties with Kia, Yvonne, and Paul and drink the pictures of her in my mind away.

I tried to find someone knew. But I never felt the feelings I did for Olivia with any other person. Regardless of gender.

I tried and I tried and I tried but nothing changed. She still held my foolish heart and it took months for me to accept everything.

To accept that I needed to fight for her. That the ball would forever be in my court. That I was in love with a girl, although all my life I had only fallen for guys. That if I could accept us, she could too. And I had to accept the fact that even after all these months there was still a small light of hope that shined the fact that she still loved me; and I had to wake up and take that leap to get there.

So to this day I still don't know if it was _being Sebastian_ that made realize all of this about myself or if it was just bumping into her outside of Gold's office all those months ago.

I know I've said this or more accurately thought this a million times, but honestly I'm not scared anymore. Being with Olivia changed me. Me...Viola, and that's all that really counted now.

So when I looked up she was there like I knew she would be. Putting her suitcases into the back of her father's SUV. She hadn't noticed me yet, not paying attention to the car parked across the street.

I took a deep breath and pushed all the thoughts out of my head telling me not to do this. I hopped out of the car and walked across the street slowly, my hands buried deep in my jean pockets. As I got closer I contemplated turning back. I mean what if she didn't love me anymore? What if that light had gone out? We hadn't spoken in almost ten months; I had promised her everything then left her out to dry.

My subconscious was pushing me to stay but I was just about to turn back, cowering under the fear of rejection and loss when she turned around. Her beauty hit me like a ton a bricks. Her blonde hair cascading down her back. Her flawless body entrapped in one of her many sundresses. She was just as beautiful as I remembered...if not more.

She looked shocked to see me there, at the end of her drive-way, and she stayed rooted in her spot.

So I leaped.

I closed the last few feet between us with three long strides and stood face to face with her.

Shit, I didn't prepare myself to actually talk to her...I didn't think that far ahead in my planning process. But here I stood, face to face with the girl that meant everything to me. I didn't know what to say, so I just whispered the first thing that popped into my head.

"Hey." My voice cracked and I felt like a thirteen year-old boy. My palms were sweaty and my nerves were going crazy.

I didn't realize that I had closed my eyes, until I opened them and looked down into her beautiful blues. My first thought was that she was going to slap me, because damn did I deserve it but she didn't.

I watched as she closed her eyes too and then breathed out a simple, "Hi."

And just like that I fell in love with her all over again.

That day Olivia and I could have made up. I could have told her that I didn't care what anybody thought of our relationship, that it was still as real for me now as it was then. That I loved her with every ounce of my being and that I was ready to take that next step with her. That I was sorry for not giving her anything for 10 months, but now I was no longer afraid. That I was willing to risk everything if it meant spending those minutes, hours, days, years with her next to me. She could have kissed me and said she felt it all too. She could have told me that she still loved me and she was willing to risk it all as well. Those weeks after could have been the beginning of something life changing. Olivia could have gone to Duke and me to North Carolina like I had always dreamed. Then when asked by our friends how we got together, we could have told them the truth. And although pissed at first, we could have all been able to laugh about the craziness of it today. I could have the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with her.

Or that day Olivia could have said that it was too late. That I had waited too long to come back to her. That she had been too scared herself to come back to me. She could have told me that some part of her still loved me, but she couldn't put herself through everything that our relationship was again. She could have told me that she was still afraid and she didn't want to risk the very different lives we were leading. She could have never kissed me again. Then she could have driven off without a second look getting farther and farther away from me until she was all the way in California at UC Berkley, thousands of miles separating us. We never spoke, our friends and family never knew. I could never have the one person I loved the most back in my arms again.

But really you never know...

Anything could happen.


End file.
